Have you ever been the last one picked, the one not invited, or the one left out of conversations? Experiencing something like this can sting. Rejection hurts, and it’s okay to feel that hurt. We were created as relational beings. Our brains are wired for belonging, so being excluded feels like a threat even when it isn’t really a threat. You don’t have to pretend it doesn’t hurt in order to be able to grow through it. What if that friend not choosing you, you being excluded, or you not getting the invite was actually a gift?

One of the most difficult life lessons for me to not only learn, but really believe in is the idea that not everyone is going to like me. Even the most kind and genuine people have someone who doesn’t click with them. And that is okay! Being liked by everyone is typically a sign that you are being a people pleaser, and not authentically yourself. You are a chameleon, and change to placate your current company. Someone’s opinion about you often says more about their own experiences, mood, or needs in that moment than about your worth. Also, people develop opinions of you based on the limited knowledge they have about you. A majority of people in your life do not know you on a deep enough level to really assess your worth. Not being someone’s friend or cup of tea doesn’t make you less of a person. And when you really believe this truth, you start living more authentically, caring less about what people think of you, and finding the right people for your tribe.

Being overlooked is usually a reflection of timing, fit, or circumstances rather than your value. The reason this could actually be a gift is because think of what you found because of the job you didn’t get, a friend or even friend group that drifted away, or an invitation that never came. This can free up space, energy, and time for the right people and opportunities. Sometimes a closed door is actually protection from something we couldn’t see. It might have been a relationship that would have drained you, a role that wasn’t the right fit, or a group where you would have had to dim your light in order to fit in. Being excluded can filter out what isn’t aligned with who you are, so the right people or opportunities can find you. Now of course not every “no” or exclusion is protection. It is worth asking yourself if there is something you can learn from that experience. This could be an opportunity for self evaluation and self growth – being open to what you may need to change without taking on blame that isn’t yours.

If you remember the message from a few weeks ago where I discussed cheering others on while also not dimming your light. Being authentically yourself and not dimming your light is so important because when you are truly yourself, the right people will be attracted to you and you won’t have to waste time on relationships that aren’t aligned with your true self. Authenticity draws in the right people, and releases the rest. Imagine walking up to a home and trying to use your house key on that home. Is that key defective or bad? No, it just doesn’t work on that particular door. We are not defective because we don’t click with certain people or certain people don’t like us. It just means they are not the people for us!

My challenge to you this week is to think of a time when you felt excluded or when someone didn’t like you. Take a moment to think through, or even write down what you can learn from that experience. Maybe that wasn’t the right person or role for you. Remember: not being chosen or liked by some gives you the freedom to be exactly who you are!