DEALING WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

Do you ever leave a conversation feeling completely drained – emotionally or mentally or both? I know your answer could be dependent on your personality type. If you are an introvert, being with people generally drains you. But I’m talking about being around those people who are negative and emotionally exhausting. This type of person can drain even the most people oriented extrovert! There are some people who struggle with viewing things from a negative light and often bringing others down with them. As someone who practices the Christian faith, I believe we are called to love all people. Maybe we are especially called to love those who are going through difficult things in life. But loving others, even those the closest to us, does not have to mean absorbing their emotional state. I think people can confuse true empathy – which is being present with someone in their pain and enmeshment – which is being pulled into their emotional state.

Empathy is a good thing. I have done a lot of research on empaths, and I really think this type of person describes me. Knowing that I am an empath has helped me tremendously as I have navigated what that means and how I can train my empathetic tendencies for good. When you don’t realize you are an empath, or you realize it and don’t work to train your heart and mind you can be susceptible to morphing your emotional state to match that of the person you have empathy for. Typically what this looks like is your energy shifts to that negative energy or you feel obligated to fix their mood. This heaviness can quickly cause your own mood to spiral. I have learned that I can have empathy for others without allowing their mood to dictate my own mood. I can protect my own peace, while being there for them in their time of need. 

You can hold space for someone without getting wrapped up in their emotional storm. I think of it like the waves of the ocean. Their mood is the waves that are ever changing – you can get caught up in that or you can be like the shore – strong, steady, unchanging, and present for them. Arguably, loving someone well looks more like being grounded for them, not matching their negative energy. I know this can be so difficult, especially if you do feel like you are an empath. You might get tired of hearing me say this, but I do feel like when you have healthy habits of your own it is much easier to deal with this sort of situation. It is easier to be more emotionally well regulated when you have proper sleep, hydration, nutrition, and exercise. I have to share with you, ever since I have changed my diet and have been counting my macros, eliminating alcohol, and being more intentional with getting my steps in I have noticed I am more clear minded and able to regulate my emotions better, even amidst perimenopause!

In addition to having your own healthy habits, there are other practical things you can do in the moment when dealing with a negative person. The first thing you can do is to have a mental phrase prepared ready to speak to yourself in the moment. You could say, “I can care about this without carrying it.” or “Their emotions are not my emotions. I can be empathetic while also staying grounded.” Something else you can do is to be hyper aware of your physical state when you encounter someone negative. Are your shoulders tensing up? Intentionally relax them. Is your breathing speeding up? Slow your breathing down. Is your jaw or fists clenching? Pay attention to these cues and unclench them. Lastly, you can have a script ready that enforces your boundary with someone when you have had enough and need to exit a draining conversation. That could be something like being direct and saying, hey can we pick up this conversation at a later time, I’m starting to feel emotionally overwhelmed. I want to be there for you in your time of need, but I want to make sure I’m fully emotionally present for you. Or it could be a redirection of the conversation. Being aware of your vulnerability towards absorbing their energy and then being prepared for what you can do in the moment can make all the difference. 

It may feel selfish to want to protect your peace and your positive mindset, but it is far from selfish. Like I mentioned earlier, loving people well means staying grounded FOR them. When you match their energy, you can’t be as level headed and present for them. Over time, consistently absorbing others’ energy leads to emotional burnout and that is good for no one! Not for you, or those around you. There is a bigger purpose at play and protecting your own peace actually helps those who need you. At the beginning of this message I asked you if there was someone who drained you. Who was that person you were thinking of at that moment? Can you love that person from a more grounded place? Dealing with negative people requires us to be aware of our tendencies towards enmeshment, and flipping that to true empathy and being present for them.

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

INCONVENIENCES

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

Picture this, you are on your commute to work and suddenly traffic stops. You hear sirens coming and up ahead you can see there has been an accident. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? Are you irritated that this will inconvenience you? That this will make you late to work, you might start your day feeling behind, your boss might yell at you for being late. Inconveniences in life can cause our blood pressure to rise and stress to settle in. But you could choose a different mindset at this moment. Yes, I said choose. We may have an immediate negative reaction to inconveniences, but we don’t have to stay there.

What if instead of getting irritated and stressed in this moment you thought about how lucky you are that you were not the one in the accident that morning? That person in the accident likely is much more inconvenienced. They may be badly injured, perhaps causing them to miss days or even months of work while they recover. Or worse, they may have lost their life. It is easy to get frustrated when we are inconvenienced, but it is just as easy to shift our mindset to a more positive outlook. I saw a post on Instagram that said, “That 30 minute workout you hate? Someone’s in a wheelchair dreaming of it. That meal prep you avoid? Someone’s scraping together money to afford their next meal. That rest day you call ‘annoying’? Someone’s body is shutting down. Taking care of your body isn’t a chore, it’s a privilege.” It’s all about mindset!

The traffic example I gave is a slight inconvenience, but I think even with bigger inconveniences we can have a more positive mindset and not let these things ruin our day or even week! Another post I saw the other day on Instagram said: “The biggest skill you can develop is the ability to reset fast. Bad conversation? Move on. Bad day? Start fresh tomorrow. Missed workout? Hit it the next day. Poor decision? Learn and adjust. You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how long you let it affect you.” I wholeheartedly agree with this! It is natural to feel annoyed or frustrated at inconveniences or when things don’t go your way. But you do have the choice to dwell in that feeling or to choose to have a more positive outlook.

When life throws you a big inconvenience, it may take more than a moment to readjust and see the silver lining. I realize this is subjective. What is a big inconvenience to one person may not seem as big to another. But if it feels big to YOU, then it is big. There are things in life that are big curve balls. Things you did not expect or want to deal with. These things take time. Often with big inconveniences, we have to recalibrate. This often involves grieving. If nothing else you may be grieving the life you thought you would have or the person you thought you would be at this point in life.

When our kids were young, my husband and I would talk about how crazy it would be that we would be empty nesters at the age of 47. Here we are four years later and we cannot really call ourselves empty nesters yet. Currently two of our three adult children are living with us. Our oldest daughter is in a grad school program and living with us to save money as it is very expensive to live in Austin and she is paying for her grad school without debt. Our youngest son is still living with us as he just needs some extra time to grow and be ready to live on his own. This was unexpected. At first I really struggled with grieving what I thought my life would be at this age. But I was able to grieve that, and realize what a blessing it was to have extra years with two of our kids. It especially hit when our other son moved away, not just out of our house but out of the state! I appreciate the extra time I have with my two other kids! It has also been a mercy in a sense for me to ease out of being a stay at home mom. I’m still able to cook dinner for the family a few nights a week and help my kids with things.

My perspective now is that inconveniences are part of your path. When something happens that seems annoying, I like to think of it as protecting me and keeping me on the path I was meant to be on. Call it God or call it fate, or the universe… but I do think things happen the way they are supposed to happen for our higher good. Even when things seem bad in life, all circumstances can be used for good – to help us grow and become better versions of ourselves! 

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

LESSONS & OPPORTUNITIES

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

We are almost halfway through the year, and many of us are probably evaluating the first half of 2026 and what we have done. We may be pondering if we have accomplished any goals and/or if we are working our way towards those goals. Some of us may have given up on our goals long ago, but even if we gave them up we are likely still thinking about them. Perhaps even feeling a sense of guilt or shame that we have not stuck to our habits to achieve our goals. Today I wanted to remind you that when looking back, don’t have the mindset of guilt and shame if you are not working towards your goals. Instead have the mindset of the past being a lesson for you. This is how we learn and grow and do better in the future. Our past is just lessons, and our future is opportunity. When we have this mindset, it allows for a positive perspective which leads to growth.

It is easy to get discouraged when you fall off the wagon with your goals and discipline, but my mindset is that every day is a new day to start over! Many people tend to completely give up when they don’t follow through perfectly, but as I frequently say: focus on progress over perfection. Perfection really isn’t sustainable, so learning to push through after a failure is important. Your past failures don’t define you as a failure, your past failures teach you. Every stumble was just a course correction in disguise. Instead of focusing on the failure, and potentially labeling yourself as a failure, ask yourself what that season taught you. What did it teach you about your strength, your values, and your blind spots? When you use your failures as a point of reflection, it turns into a positive and will help you to grow. The goal isn’t to forget where you have been and how you have failed, but instead to evaluate it and extract the wisdom, then keep moving!

Just like past failures don’t have to define your overarching story of life, the future is not something to worry about or fear. The future is not a threat, but instead it is a blank canvas of opportunities and you hold the brush! You are in charge of every decision moving forward, and that is empowering! Every goal you have is a possibility waiting to happen. Don’t fear failure, don’t be overwhelmed by the big picture, instead focus daily on what small steps you can take today to move towards your goal. Stop focusing on what could go wrong and instead focus on what could go right! Having a positive mindset, acting as if things will go right will help you more than you know! When you think things will go right, your brain will be looking for evidence that things will go right! There will always be uncertainty and set backs, but keep a positive mindset always looking for the possibilities.

Right now, THIS MOMENT is where lessons become decisions and opportunities become reality. You can ignore the lesson and keep falling down the slippery slope. You can tell yourself that you failed, so why keep trying. OR you can make a different decision TODAY. One honest look at where you have been and one brave step towards where you’re going is all it takes! That is the whole formula! This Thursday ask yourself: what lesson am I still carrying that I haven’t used yet? And what opportunity am I standing in front of right now? You didn’t come this far to stay stuck. You came this far to grow! So grow!

This is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

OVERRIDING YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

This week I heard a quote from Rob Dial, a motivational speaker on social media, “Your nervous system doesn’t move towards what is exciting. It moves towards what is familiar.” This quote really resonated with me. For much of my life I have struggled with anxiety and clinging to the familiar to ease my anxiety. It made me think about how many people think they are chasing goals, but the reality is they are chasing comfort or familiarity.

Our nervous systems are created to inherently prefer the familiar because predictability equals safety. The brain is designed to save energy and it is always looking to automate recurring experiences to conserve cognitive load. It is constantly searching for known patterns, even if they are uncomfortable or unhealthy, because the unknown is processed as an unpredictable threat. Familiar stimuli require less mental processing, which is easier for the brain, therefore it registers as positive and safe. The amygdala, part of the brain that detects threats, is wired to anticipate the future based on the past. If you survived a familiar environment or dynamic, your nervous system will naturally steer you back towards these same familiar patterns in order to guarantee survival, regardless of whether the experience was objectively healthy or not. Repeated behaviors and emotional states become encoded in the part of your brain called the basal ganglia, which controls voluntary motor control, procedural learning, and reward-based decision making. This wiring can become very ingrained and incredibly difficult to break and retrain.

Since the nervous system equates unfamiliarity with danger, attempting sudden or big changes can trigger the fight- flight response. You can break the loop by gradual exposure. When you introduce micro steps, it makes change more manageable and your brain is more easily able to process the new in your routine as safe. This can be something as simple as visualizing that scary thing you want to do, then take one small action towards this new thing, then keep taking small steps towards your ultimate goal. You can also practice somatic regulation. This is just consciously calming your body when you begin something unfamiliar. You can do things like box breathing or paying attention to your 5 senses to ground you. This is a signal to your nervous system that everything is okay and you are not in danger. You can also consciously remind your brain that the discomfort you feel is normal for someone trying something new, and is not actually dangerous. We must continue to expose ourselves to the unfamiliar over and over again to get used to that feeling of being in a situation that feels scary because it is unfamiliar. Over time this gets easier and you are able to do more and more exciting things! Ultimately, familiarity is built over time, it is not innate. 

Because our nervous system tricks us into wanting to stay comfortable, we must recognize that if we want change in life, it’s not always necessarily about more motivation or more discipline. What we really need to focus on is creating that familiarity in our lives. Once we have that mastered, we are actually able to move towards the exciting!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

VALUING WOMEN

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

When was the last time you were engaged in small talk and someone asked “what do you do?” If you’re like me and primarily a homemaker, it may feel almost embarrassing to admit that you stay at home. It can make you feel less than or like you are not doing enough in life. It is difficult to not minimize the work you do and answer, “I’m JUST a homemaker.” The truth is, what you are doing for your partner and your family is very valuable! Not only making their lives easier and more efficient but also if you put actual numbers on what each task homemakers do is worth, you would be surprised at the total amount you would actually make!

For me as primarily a homemaker, my day starts bright and early. I typically get up before anyone else. I have already done several tasks before anyone gets out of bed. Keeping a household running may seem simple, but it’s not as easy as it looks to actually keep track of everything that needs to get done in a day, week, or month to keep the home running smoothly and efficiently. Homemakers have to spin many plates every day, especially if their kids are still young. They simultaneously hold the roles of: chef, chauffeur, child care provider, housekeeper, laundry specialist, tutor, scheduler (or administrative needs), emotional support, personal shopper, nurse, landscaper, and the list could probably go on and on. This doesn’t even account for the time and energy you might put into your own health and wellness or self care or anything extra you might do for your household like DIY projects and decorating. None of this shows up on a resume, none of this earns a paycheck, and most of it goes completely unnoticed, until it doesn’t get done! All of this IS work, which takes time, effort, and energy, so it DOES in fact have value!

I did want to share some statistics with you to give you a picture of the monetary value. According to Insure.com’s 2025 Mother’s Day Index, if America’s mothers were paid for their work around the house, they would have earned an annual salary of $145,235 – a 4% increase from the prior year. That figure is based on how much you would get paid for each of these unpaid labor roles like cook, childcare worker, chauffeur, housekeeper, laundry, landscaping, personal care aide. For example, a mom spends about 14 hours per week preparing meals. Cooks average $17.14 per hour, which adds up to $12,478 a year for time spent in the kitchen. If you add up all of these roles you would get a 6 figure income. Another source, Salary.com has estimated the median annual value of a stay at home mom’s work at $184,820. Figures may vary from source to source, but I think the commonality is that they all land somewhere at the 6 figure mark. And here is an interesting statistic: if you were to do the same math for father’s it comes out to be somewhere around $61,000 per year, which is less than HALF of the work the mother is putting in. I recognize that this isn’t necessarily true for all families, this is just a generalization, but it does show how invisible the stay at home mom or homemaker’s contribution is!

Society has long equated value with income. I feel like this is especially true with the hustle culture in America. If it doesn’t pay, it doesn’t “count.” I do think this is what makes staying at home so difficult. You feel as though you are not contributing enough because you don’t have that paycheck coming in. On top of that, I think generally women are socialized to be humble, to not take up space, to not boast about their own worth. Whereas for men, this is perfectly socially acceptable. The “I’m JUST a stay at home mom” language is a perfect example. I know for me, I’m tempted to add that word “just” instead of proudly stating I’m a homemaker. If you recall, I talked about that word “just” a couple weeks ago when we were discussing the stories we tell ourselves. Putting that word “just” in there is a story we are accepting that being a stay at home mom or homemaker doesn’t have value. We need a mindset shift on that because our work is very valuable and not easy! This can especially come up in circles where some moms stay at home and some work outside of the home. I know from being a stay at home mom that you can feel inferior towards the moms who work. But the reality is, they are often hiring people to do the work that you are doing. They may have a house keeper, they may order food out more often, they may even have a nanny or a family member who helps with the kids and their activities. I mention this not to say one is better than the other, on the contrary – to say we are BOTH doing hard work!

I think it is really important to see your work as valuable if you stay home because it affects your confidence, sense of identity, and mental health. Seeing the value you bring to the table will help you more accurately advocate for yourself when making financial decisions with your partner. The other reason it is important to see your value is because it is often the homemaker who resists asking for help, support, or rest because they feel like they have not “earned it,” when in reality they may be more burned out than their spouse or peers who work outside of the home. This isn’t about demanding a paycheck from your spouse, but instead about an internal shift in how you see yourself. Some practical reframes you can use to help you is number one, quit using the word “just” when describing yourself as a homemaker. Also, name all of your roles out loud, or write them down. Naming all of the roles you are playing can help you to better value the work you are doing. Another important thing you can do for yourself is recognize that rest is not laziness. Rest for a homemaker is maintenance for someone whose job never stops. Building in times of rest both daily and weekly is important. I take a coffee break every afternoon, and I don’t work on Sundays to help with incorporating intentional times of rest. Lastly, remind yourself that your contribution to your family is not invisible even if it may feel that way.

As a stay at home mom or homemaker, you may not get handed a paycheck for your work, but YOU get to decide how much you value yourself – and that starts with the language you use about your own life. Where in your life have you been using the word “just” to shrink something that deserves to take up more space? Is there a role you have played where you wish you got more recognition? Do you have experience undervaluing your own work? If you feel comfortable, share in the comments!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.


THE STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

We all have a narrative about ourselves living inside our heads. The question isn’t whether you have a story you tell yourself, it’s whether your story is true. Many of the limits we put on ourselves aren’t real limits we have, but rather old beliefs that probably surfaced a long time ago. I recently heard a story shared on the Mel Robbins podcast from Dr. Shade Zahrai about a study that was done by a professor at Dartmouth in the late 70’s, early 80’s. He had two groups of people and with one group he drew a very noticeable, visible scar on their face, he let them see the scar so they knew it was there. With the other group he did not put a scar on their face. Then he sent them out to have conversations with people. When they returned he asked how the conversations went. The people with the scars on their faces felt like they were judged, like their conversation partner was cold, and that they were treated differently because of the scar. While those without the scar reported that the conversations went well. While that would have been an interesting experiment on discrimination, the fascinating thing about this study was right after he showed the scar participants their scar, he said that he was going to put some moisturizer on the scar to make sure it set but he was actually removing the scar entirely! So these participants went into the conversation only believing they had a scar, which led them to have an expectation of how people would treat them, which led them to pay attention to nuances in the conversation that objectively did not exist. So it is good to think about what kind of scars you are carrying that create this narrative of who you are and how it affects how you enter each conversation or circumstance in life.

A simple definition of self narrative is the ongoing story your brain tells you about who you are, what you are capable of, and what you deserve. From psychology we know that the brain is a meaning-making machine. It is always labeling and filing your life experiences. And then these narratives become the lens through which you filter each experience moving forward. Most of us don’t acknowledge that this complex process is going on, and therefore tend to live on autopilot, basically letting old stories or narratives about you make decisions. This can show up in any aspect of your life – home life, relationships, habits, self worth, and more.

These stories that we constructed, often subconsciously, came from many origins. It could come from childhood and the messages we received from parents, teachers, siblings, or even peers, often without these individuals even realizing the impact it would have on us. These stories can also come from our past failures, especially things that we never processed and forgave ourselves for, but instead the mistakes replay in our heads over and over. Comparison is another way we construct these stories about ourselves – we see those around us, like family or friends and measure how we are doing or our worth compared to how others are doing. This often isn’t the full picture as we see the narrative they feed us about themselves. This is especially true on social media – the place that is notorious for the highlight reel. Lastly, these stories we tell ourselves could be informed by cultural messages. There is messaging that comes from society that shows us for instance how a woman “should” be, how a home “should” look, or what success “should” look like. These narratives are rarely stories we choose to believe, but instead they were absorbed, handed to us, or formed in a moment of pain. But we almost subconsciously carry them as though they are fact.

These stories hold us back from becoming the best version of ourselves. They create a ceiling so to speak of what we believe we are or aren’t capable of. They almost become a self-fulfilling prophecy as we subconsciously act in ways that confirm the story. These narratives keep us stuck in “some day” thinking – believing that some day we will be more disciplined, more motivated, have more time, or are more ready to pursue the thing we want to do. It will also show up in how we talk to ourselves. When we make mistakes or don’t follow through on the steps it takes to get to our goals we are very critical instead of self compassionate. For example, a woman who believes she is “just not an organized person” will self-sabotage every organizing system she tries to implement, not because the system doesn’t work but instead because of this narrative she believes about herself that she is “just not organized.”

There are practical ways you can identify your limiting stories. First, watch your “I just am” statements. “I’m just not a morning person.” “I’m just not disciplined.” “I’m just disorganized.” The word “just” is a story pretending to be a fact. Notice always and never statements. “I always mess up.” “I never follow through.” Usually these statements are not true, but we can be prone to use them to support our story. Another way to identify limiting stories is to pay attention to resistance. When you have a strong emotional reaction to something, like defensiveness, shame, or avoidance, there is often a story underneath. There are a couple of questions you can ask yourself. If you are serious about getting to the bottom of your false narratives, spend some time journaling and asking yourself a couple of questions. One is: “What do I believe about myself that I have never questioned?” and/or ask: “Where did I first learn this about myself and was it a reliable source?” I know that self evaluation is not easy. It can be uncomfortable and even painful, but it is worth it.

So how do we rewrite these narratives? First I want to share with you what rewriting a narrative is NOT. It’s not toxic positivity. It’s not slapping platitudes or affirmations on a wound. Instead it is about moving from an outdated, inaccurate story to a more honest and empowering one. Use this statement to reframe your beliefs about yourself: “I used to believe _________, but the truth is ________.” An example would be: “I used to believe that I was a disorganized person, but the truth is I never had the right systems or anyone to teach me.” This won’t be easy. It won’t be a singular journal entry. New stories don’t just stick immediately because old neural pathways are deep. In order to reroute these new stories in your brain, so to speak, it will take consistent effort with intentional thought. Repetition is the key to successfully rewriting these narratives. Community and accountability are important in this process. The people around you either reinforce your old story or help you build a new one. Be intentional about who speaks into your life. Also, you must celebrate the small wins! Every time you act against the old story, you collect proof for the new one! 

Did the story about the study done with the participants who thought they had a scar at the beginning of this post resonate with you? Do you have beliefs about yourself that inform the way you interact in the world? I frequently talk about decluttering our physical spaces, but the mind is one of the most important spaces you will ever declutter and organize! This week, think of one “I just am” statement that you have been telling yourself and ask if that is actually true or just a story you are telling yourself!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.


HOW TO STAY CALM IN A CHAOTIC WORLD

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

Modern life can easily pull us into urgency, comparison, distraction, and overstimulation. We must be intentional about living in a place of peace or calmness. Many people mistake calmness for weakness or passivity, but the truth is, calmness is emotional steadiness in the middle of uncertainty – which is anything but weak and passive. Calm people are not people without problems, they are people who have learned to respond rather than react. They believe the truth that they are the author of their reactions. Nothing outside of them has power unless they grant that power.

Calmness is a skill, not a personality trait. I can assure you because this is true from my own experience. I am not someone who is naturally calm, as I have dealt with anxiety most of my life. I have had to practice emotional regulation. Calmness is trained through repetition. Some people are naturally calm, and so this comes easier, but I think everyone to a certain degree has to learn emotional regulation. Staying calm does not mean ignoring our feelings. Emotional regulation involves acknowledging emotions, but not allowing those emotions to drive our behavior. A simple and practical way to implement this is to learn the art of pausing before you respond to something that is triggering. One moment of pause can completely change the outcome of a circumstance for you. Calmness often begins with slowing down our reactions.

There are several reasons why we may struggle to stay calm. The first reason being a need for control. This is probably the most common reason, and definitely the one I resonate with. It is easy to feel panic when life doesn’t match our expectations. That is why it is important to practice accepting uncertainty in life. Calmness can grow when we accept that life is unpredictable. Another reason we may struggle to remain calm is because of overconsumption. Too much noise, media, opinions, and stimulation can really trigger that feeling of overwhelm or being out of control. Our nervous system wasn’t designed to handle so much input. It is so easy these days with the internet and social media to get overstimulated. We must be intentional with our time. We must guard our time as though it is our most finite resource. It is the one thing you cannot get back. Recently I have been adding more things to my morning routine to focus on things that are beneficial and promote self growth to avoid just jumping on my phone first thing in the morning. I have been reading my Bible and praying first thing in the morning for many years, but last fall I added taking a morning walk with no headphones/input, and recently also added journaling. I don’t look at my phone until I have been awake for a couple of hours.

Another reason we may struggle to stay calm is because of internal pressure. We may put expectations on ourselves that we don’t even need. It could be because of a struggle with perfectionism and therefore having standards that are too high, it could be a fear of failure, or a feeling of falling behind in life compared to our peers. We must self reflect and evaluate if any of these things are serving us, or just causing us undue stress and anxiety, and then move forward being aware of the reality and what are the next best steps to take towards the life we want. Lastly, we may struggle to stay calm because of unhealed emotional patterns. Past experiences can make present situations feel bigger than they are. We must work through our emotions – whether that is through journaling, praying, talking to a friend or mentor, or seeking professional help.

There is a cost if we continually live in reactivity instead of responsiveness. Many people who do not learn the skill of emotional regulation end up living in a constant state of emotional exhaustion. They are constantly living on edge and allow notifications to control their lives. They feel burnt out from mental overstimulation. In addition to this, living in a state of reactivity can lead to poor decision making. Fear creates impulsive choices instead of thinking through the decision and weighing pros and cons. For someone who lives in a reactive state, anxiety narrows their perspective, making it difficult for them to make logical decisions. And, these individuals often struggle with anger because they feel so out of control. When we make decisions in anger, they are often not decisions informed by wisdom but instead by impulse. Lastly, not living in a calm state typically leads to loss of being present in the moment. Someone who lives in a reactive state misses the moment they are in because their mind is elsewhere. They are constantly anticipating the next thing – the next crisis, the next terrible thing, which steals their current peace. Calmness on the other hand allows us to actually experience life.

There are some practical ways you can cultivate calmness. First is probably obvious: slow down physically. Breathe deeper, walk slower, and stop always multi-tasking. You can also be intentional to protect your mental space. Reduce unnecessary noise and information. Set boundaries for yourself with your phone or screentime. Create intentional moments of quietness, like taking a walk with no headphones. Create daily grounding habits that will organically help you with these boundaries, like morning routines with journaling, prayer or mediation, and exercise or movement. Another practical way you can practice calmness is to learn to sit with discomfort. Choose voluntary difficulty. We were made for excellence not for ease. Calmness comes when you learn that not every uncomfortable feeling is an emergency and you can survive difficult things. The more you do difficult things, the easier those things become. And as I frequently say on these Thoughtful Thursday messages, focus on what YOU can control! Your effort, your mindset, your response. When you begin to focus on what is in your control instead of what you can’t control you feel empowered which leads to the feeling of calmness.

We must learn to accept that life will always be uncertain. Calmness doesn’t come from perfect circumstances, but instead from trust in ourselves. We must trust that we have the ability to adapt in all circumstances. We must trust that we have the ability to do hard things, and that those hard moments will pass. That is what life is all about. The quicker you accept that, the easier it will be to feel that calm state. Marcus Aurelius, a famous stoic said, “You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

This is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

4 TIPS TO DECLUTTER SENTIMENTAL ITEMS

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

For today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to share about how difficult it is to declutter sentimental items. On my YouTube channel I shared the process of cleaning out our attic space and decluttering sentimental items and last week I shared a video of my daughter and I decluttering her sentimental items. It was tough. I wanted to share with you some tips before you start decluttering sentimental items.

Tip number one is don’t start with decluttering sentimental items. This should be one of the last categories of items you tackle when you are on a decluttering journey. I have been on a decluttering journey for several years, so I have truly built up my decluttering muscles before tackling this big project. Decluttering is a skill that is built over time and with practice. It does get easier over time to make decisions about what you want to keep and what you want to declutter. Saving sentimental items for last just makes sense because it is the most difficult thing to declutter.

The next tip I have is don’t rush. I ended up doing this project over the course of a few weeks. I can assure you since I just finished this project that going through your sentimental items is very emotionally and even mentally taxing. It takes a lot of time and energy to make decluttering decisions with regards to our sentimental items. Give yourself the time you need to not rush the decisions. Also, prepare to make multiple passes through your sentimental items. It is good to make multiple passes through all of our possessions, which is why you see an end of the month declutter with me video on my YouTube channel every month and I’ve been doing that series on my channel for years. But it is especially important when it comes to sentimental items. I will certainly make more passes through my sentimental items before we end up moving away from our current home and downsizing.

Another tip I wanted to share is to have a friend or family member help you talk through your sentimental items. It can be really helpful to talk through why you want to keep certain items. Having someone there with you in the process can give you an outside perspective and help you to balance the emotions with a more objective viewpoint. And honestly, sometimes it just helps to talk through things out loud.

The final tip I wanted to share is don’t get “lost in the weeds” so to speak. It can be easy to overthink things when trying to declutter sentimental items. Stay focused on one category at a time. Often our initial gut instinct on whether to keep or get rid of a sentimental item is the right one. It can be easy to go back and forth with this category of items because of that emotional component. Try your best to stay on task and not overthink each decision. I don’t mean to be morbid, but at the end of the day, what is important to you will likely not be as important to the next generations and none of us can take our stuff with us when we go!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

GROWTH REQUIRES LETTING GO

/ OrganizedWithJoy / 2 Comments

We often think about growth as adding more to our lives – more habits, more effort, more discipline. But real transformation often comes with letting go. Letting go of old identities, routines, expectations, and even successful habits that no longer fit who we are working to become. Not all discipline is about pushing forward, some is about releasing what no longer works for us. This is not an easy thing.

I saw this Mel Robbins post recently that said: Your closet is not just clothes. It is a map of your past selves. Most closets are filled with clothes that no longer fit, from old chapters of your life, and clothes you bought for a version of you that never arrived. This is why getting dressed feels emotional. You are not just choosing an outfit, you are confronting old identities. Your closet should support who you are now and who you are becoming. I loved this example, but it is also just a general great analogy for life. We must evaluate what we are doing, and if those behaviors, routines, habits still fit into what our goals are for our lives.

Letting go can feel hard. I have talked a lot about decluttering in my blog posts, and I have decluttered a LOT of stuff, sharing on my YouTube channel along the way. It can be hard to declutter physical possessions, but it is also hard to let go of old identities and old ways of thinking. It is easy to become attached to a certain identity, proclaiming: this is who I am. But we don’t have to accept that, we can work to change to become who we want to become, to become a better version of ourselves. But I recognize this isn’t easy. When we think of letting go, it can be scary. There is the fear of uncertainty and the “what if’s” creep in. It is scary to think of starting over. It is also difficult to let go of old ways of doing things that used to work for us, but no longer do. We resist the change just because it used to work, and even if we see signs that it is no longer working, we want to hold on. Exercise is a perfect example. When I was younger I loved running and used running as a way to stay fit. This worked for me for a long time, but now that I am in perimenopause my body responds differently. Intense workouts like that can spike cortisol, and when your body no longer produces estrogen or doesn’t produce as much, it can’t regulate the cortisol like it used to. Often this leads to belly fat which is so common for women in mid life. Now I do something different to help stay fit, I lift weights instead and keep my heart rate moderate for aerobic exercises. The comfort of the familiar can keep us stuck in a habit, routine, or lifestyle that is no longer serving us. Growth is uncomfortable, and it takes grit to be willing to feel that discomfort for growth to happen. 

If we begin to feel like something is no longer working for us – whether that is a habit, routine, job, or relationship – we must evaluate why we feel that way. There are signs that you have outgrown something. One sign is that you will feel resistance toward things you used to enjoy. If something is no longer serving you, often you will feel that “meh” feeling about it. Another sign is that your progress stalls despite continued effort. If you see no forward movement, there is a chance you need to make a change. You might begin to see that you operate on autopilot rather than with intention. Once you see that you are going through the motions and not present in the moment, it might be a sign that it is no longer working for you. Lastly, you may just feel a misalignment, even if everything looks right from the outside. Your life may be good and fine, but there is a gut feeling that can happen when you aren’t aligning with what you are meant to do and be.

So, what does this look like practically? Start with an audit: what feels heavy, forced, or outdated in your life? Acknowledge what it did for you. Maybe you learned from that experience, relationship, or habit. Maybe it helped you to grow and change for the season it was working. Honor what it gave to you without clinging to it, then release it. Make a clear decision to move on. Don’t be lukewarm about it. What’s the saying: either poo or get off the pot. Then if you need to replace it with something new, implement the new, but recognize that some things don’t need to be replaced right away. Sometimes we need to sit in the empty space. Letting go does create space and capacity for the new. It makes space for creativity to flourish, for something to come in that is better aligned with who you are now or who you are trying to become. It creates space for new growth. You can’t receive what you don’t have room for. There is this idea of “intentional subtraction” which is just the practice of deliberately removing things from your life so you can create space for what actually matters. It’s the opposite of the usual mindset of “add more to improve.” Instead of coming up with more habits, goals, and commitments, you step back and ask: “What can I remove that’s getting in the way of clarity, energy, and alignment?” This isn’t about quitting something because it’s hard, but rather removing what is misaligned, outdated, or unnecessary even if it once served you

Growth isn’t just about becoming more, adding more habits and routines, it’s about becoming more true to yourself. Growth usually requires letting go. If you want space for the new, you must let go of the old. I really like the clothing analogy I referred to earlier. Or really just the idea of any physical space with boundaries. Our closet has a boundary, once it is full, there is no more space for new clothes – or new identities. We must let go of the old, to make room for the new.

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE EVERYTHING

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

Lately I have been thinking about how I have the ability to change so much in my life. Yes, there are a lot of things that are not in my control, which I shared about in last week’s blog post, but there is also so much in my control. A couple weeks ago I decided to take my diet more seriously. Not that I ever ate a lot of processed foods or foods that contained refined sugar, but I definitely have a sweet tooth and would eat homemade desserts almost daily made with maple syrup. I also drink alcohol occasionally, and while I tried my best to get as much protein as possible, I didn’t really pay much attention to my calories or where the calories were coming from. I have decided to not drink any alcohol for a month (I’m currently 2 weeks in), and no to little sugar. If I do have dessert, I make a high protein dessert sweetened with monk fruit. And just in those two weeks, I am starting to see results in a shift in my body composition!

I share all this just to share one example of how we really do have control to make changes in our lives. I came across a couple of quotes that really spoke to me with regards to this topic and I wanted to share them with you. The first is a quote from Germany Kent, who is a journalist, author, actress, producer, and media personality. She said, “Never underestimate the power you have to take your life in a new direction.” The other quote comes from Mark A. Cooper and it says, “Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.” Both of these quotes really encapsulate this idea of choosing your own path in life.

I get that there are some things out of our control. That is just part of life. But let’s focus on the things that ARE in our control. Over the past several years I have been working to incorporate new healthy habits into my daily routines. Now there are so many things that I do without even thinking about it. They are just non-negotiables for me now. Reading my Bible daily and praying, going to the gym regularly – I started lifting weights a year and a half ago and incorporated incline walking a few months ago, drinking plenty of water, doing some sort of evening reading, and getting at least 7 hours of sleep at night. But I am always looking for new things I can do with my time that are healthy in order to keep me from spending time on things that aren’t beneficial for me.

I just saw a Reel on Instagram from Mel Robins that really spoke to me. It was a clip from an interview she did with Dr. Tina Seelig, Neuroscientist and Stanford Professor. Mel asked her if someone is feeling unlucky in life, what is the first thing they should do this week? Dr. Seelig replied that they should do something to “stir the soup” or do something to add something new to your life. She said, we are all one decision away from a completely different life. This really spoke to me because it reminded me that we really do have so much autonomy in our lives. 

I know I have shared recently about how I’ve been feeling stuck here in Austin, bored with my day to day life, wanting to move on. But I realized that I can make changes in my life now. It might not be downsizing and moving across the country right now, but I can find things to enjoy here and now. I can find ways to “stir the soup” right where I am! One thing I have started doing is going to the farmer’s market on the weekend. I used to go to the farmer’s market regularly, but when my kids got a little older and involved in activities my Saturday mornings were taken up with kids sports, and so I got out of the habit of going. It has been a long time since I had Saturday responsibilities that keep me from going to the farmer’s market, so this is one enjoyable thing I have added to my life. I have also been doing more solo hiking recently. I didn’t do this in the past because I always thought, maybe this weekend I could go on a hike with my husband or kids. But, I am not going to wait around for others to want to do things with me. I am just going to do the thing! I am going to be on the lookout for other ways I can “stir the soup.” I would love for you to share with me any ideas you may be thinking of to stir the soup in your life!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.