Month: May 2023

REMAINING LOYAL

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Hello friends, today I’m sharing another Thoughtful Thursday post with you. I wanted to talk about remaining loyal. As someone who considers myself an empath, I feel like loyalty is just something that comes naturally to me. I am maybe sometimes loyal to a fault and hang onto relationships, jobs, or other commitments longer than I should. But in this society where it’s much easier to give up on something or on a relationship and move along to the next thing, it’s so important for us to lean into and keep working at something even when it gets difficult. Many times there is something absolutely beautiful on the other side of the struggle and on the other side of really working things out. And in the meantime you become a stronger person, and a better version of yourself for having stuck it out!

I was thinking about this topic of loyalty recently as I just celebrated 27 years of marriage over this past weekend. I wanted to share some of the thoughts that I shared in a blog post 2 years ago when I devoted an entire post to a tribute to my marriage to celebrate my 25th wedding anniversary. I can link that post right here if you would like to read it. But I wanted to share some additional thoughts with you.

When you’ve been married for this long, sometimes people will say things like “what’s the secret?” But honestly, I don’t think there is a secret. I kind of feel like “secrets” are a myth. I think there are only obvious answers in life, but usually people don’t like the obvious answers. The obvious answers usually require hard work. When someone is fit and you want to know how they stay fit, it’s probably the obvious answer – they workout and eat healthy, drink plenty of water and get good sleep. It’s the same thing with marriage – you remain loyal when times get tough, you forgive, you ask for forgiveness, you give grace and compassion, and show humility.

But, HOW do you do that? I recognize that is all easier said than done. I will share with you that I can’t imagine being so dedicated to my marriage if it weren’t for my faith in Jesus. In the Bible in Philippians 2:3 it says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others better than yourselves.” This is one of the principles I strive to live by. In all relationships, but especially in marriage. Believe me, there are times when I have to fight to believe this and live it out! It is certainly not always easy.

Also, marriage has not always been easy! That’s when I have learned to lean into Jesus and trust that He is refining me and making me more like him through my marriage. It also helps me to not put all of my hope and faith in a person {{my husband}} but recognizing that he is human and will let me down at times.

 Loving someone unconditionally for 27 years is not easy – and I’m not just talking about me loving my husband, I’m talking about my husband loving me! It goes both ways. We both believe in the 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 passage regarding love. We may not always feel it, but we have to keep coming back to this passage:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

But these ideas translate to other relationships and other commitments we are loyal to. It’s not always easy to work things out with a friend when you have differences. It’s not easy to stick with a tough job, but like I mentioned at the beginning of the post, oftentimes there is great reward on the other side of remaining loyal.

I will say, it can be difficult to know sometimes if something is just difficult or if you’re just going through a rough patch versus if something is actually toxic. Sometimes relationships, jobs, or obligations in life become toxic and you must be self aware enough to know that line. Sometimes it’s helpful to talk to a professional to process through that to determine the difference. But I personally like to err on the side of working through the tough times.

I hope these thoughts were helpful or encouraging to you today! Check out my YouTube video I made in conjunction with this post, linked below!

HOW TO STOP WORRYING

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday video I wanted to share with you how to stop worrying. As I type that I realize this is a tall order! It sounds so much more easily said than done. But before I get into that, I thought I would share a little bit of a back story on my journey with worry and anxiety.

I have struggled with anxiety my entire life – or at least as long as I can remember. Even as a young child I remember being worried or nervous about all sorts of things. As a result of this I struggled with GI issues, and started regularly taking antacids in my teens to combat the symptoms. I was mostly able to manage my anxiety and GI issues throughout my young adulthood. I did this mostly through trying to control my environment. Keeping my spaces cleaned and organized definitely helped ease my anxiety. Also, keeping physical clutter to a minimum helped.

However, as I grew older, slowly over time more and more responsibilities and things piled on me. First it was getting married, and learning to manage not only my things, but my husband’s things as well. Then our daughter came along, and two more children after that. The responsibilities and the THINGS kept multiplying. I suppose it was a mercy that I only added to our chaos a little at a time, however it was like that analogy of a frog in a cool pot of water that began to get hot and boil over time – so that it wasn’t noticeable that more responsibilities and stuff were creeping in.

When our youngest son was a toddler I started struggling with severe anxiety symptoms. I struggled with periodic panic attacks, which began to disrupt my life. My doctor diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and prescribed Xanax, which I could take when the symptoms were unmanageable. I was able to cope like this for several years, until my anxiety reached a point where it was affecting my everyday life. The journey that ensued is a whole other story, but ultimately I ended up seeing a holistic doctor and discovering that I had multiple food sensitivities, exasperating my anxiety. I was thankful to have answers, and with diet and supplements I have been able to manage for over 12 years now.

But something I have learned since then is the power of my thoughts. I have learned the importance of positive self talk – replacing negative thoughts or negative things I tell myself with positive ones. I also learned about the power of the unconscious mind and started adding sleep meditations and positive affirmations to my daily routines. 

In addition to this, recently I have been learning about stoicism and implementing these principles in my life. Something that has helped me greatly to deal with my anxiety is the idea of reframing. One of the stoics, Epictetus, said, “It’s not things that upset us, but our judgments about things.” When we worry, it is often about something bad happening, or about things not going the way we would like them to go. If we can learn to reframe our circumstances, not judging them as good or bad but accepting them as they are, then our worry dissipates. We must learn that all circumstances in life can be viewed as something that was meant to be for us – for our growth and maturity. When we let go of expectations of how things SHOULD go, we begin to feel peaceful. 

Another encouraging quote comes from the stoic Seneca and he said, “He who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.” Understanding that we are not in control of others’ nor our circumstances releases us from the responsibility to be in charge. Obviously we are in control of ourselves and everything we do, every decision we make has a consequence – whether good or bad. Therefore we have full control of those outcomes – for example choosing to go to bed at a reasonable time means you will get good sleep, and therefore will feel well rested in the morning. However, we cannot control other people, the traffic, the weather, etc. We must let go of that feeling that we can control it in order to experience the peace we long for. In my sleep example, we are in control of when we go to bed and when we get up, but we cannot control if a siren or a snoring spouse wakes us in the middle of the night.

Learning to be self aware of our thoughts and reframing our experiences, and learning to release control of things that we think we have control over but do not will help tremendously with extinguishing worry. Like I mentioned at the beginning of this talk – that certainly is easier said than done. Yes, this sort of inner work takes practice – and it is WORK, so it is not easy, but it is worth it!

WHY DECLUTTERING ISN’T ENOUGH

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Well, it has been quite a while since I have posted here on my blog! I have been focusing on my other social media platforms – YouTube, Instagram, and Tik Tok. I have been thinking about how I would like to share more often here on my blog. On my YouTube channel every Thursday I share in a video series called Thoughtful Thursday where I share cleaning, organizing, and/or decluttering motivation and in the voiceover I share my thoughts on a topic. This week my topic was pertinent to my website, so I decided to go ahead and share the information that I shared in that video. But it got me to thinking that I would love to start sharing my Thoughtful Thursday thoughts here on my blog as well, even if it isn’t specific to cleaning, organizing, or decluttering. So, you can look forward to seeing my thoughts each Thursday!

So, for this week’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to share with you why decluttering isn’t enough to create a clutter free home. Over the weekend I was thinking about how much time, energy, and effort it takes to keep up with our stuff – caring for, cleaning, and organizing it. I came across a quote from Peter Walsh, a professional organizer and author, probably best known for the TLC show Clean Sweep. I shared this quote over on my Instagram feed earlier this week: “What I know for sure is that when you declutter – whether it’s your home, your head, or your heart – it is astounding what will flow into that space that will enrich you, your life, and your family.”

This quote has inspired me to continue decluttering my home, even though in some ways it seems like I have nothing left to declutter! When we declutter, we make space for other things that will enrich our lives. I also loved his point that it’s not just our physical stuff that takes up space – but also mental and emotional clutter can prevent us from experiencing other beautiful things in life. We must be self aware, realizing what we spend our time and brain space thinking about and telling ourselves. I talk a lot about the importance of self talk over on my YouTube channel, as well as on my Tik Tok page. It is meaningful what you say to yourself. Also, if there are unresolved emotional issues in life, I encourage you to not ignore them but deal with those issues. Whether that’s reconciling in relationships, healing from past hurts or trauma, or just dealing with day to day emotions. This may require seeking professional help, and I can tell you from experience that this is so worth it. When we make time to deal with our emotional “clutter,” if you will, it frees up space in our lives for something else!

I did want to camp out on the physical clutter aspect today. I think one thing many of us don’t realize is that decluttering is usually not enough to keep a clutter free home. First of all, decluttering is an ongoing process. As long as items are still coming into our homes, we will have a need to assess what we are using and loving. Over time, as we go through different stages of life – for ourselves and especially our children – we will need to evaluate what we are still using.

In addition to this, I think one of the biggest reasons people feel like their homes are still cluttered despite decluttering, is because of the inflow. Things come into our homes organically – if nothing else junk mail, and kids’ papers. But we may also be contributing to this through our shopping habits. Think about how easy it is for something to come into your home. Especially if you do online shopping. You can shop from the comfort of your sofa, or even your bed. Within a few clicks you are done and the item is on its way directly to your front door. Whereas if you want to go through the decluttering process you must set aside time to evaluate your items, make decisions, sort the items, bag or package up the item for donation, drive to a donation center, or go through the steps it takes to sell an item online – taking a photo, writing a description, etc. It is actually much more difficult to get rid of items than to acquire them. This is something to keep in mind while shopping.

I have shared about my no spend year back in 2019, and this really opened my eyes to my spending habits. I am so thankful for that experience as it has helped me to be far more intentional about what comes into my home. Related to this, in order to keep the inflow in check, I do not purchase new things for each season – like new decor or new clothes. I like to curate my collection of decor and wardrobe intentionally and purchase items that speak to me. I may add some new items for a particular season, but I don’t shop for each new season.

In addition to this, is how easily we accumulate things because of free items or sales. I have learned that it is okay to say no to free items if it is not something I will love or use. It took time to learn, but now I am much more particular about what is allowed in my home.  I have also learned not to get sucked into a good deal. Just because something is on sale or seemingly a good deal, doesn’t mean I need it or it will be useful to me.

Something else that will make an impact in your decluttering process is accepting that it’s okay to have open spaces in your home. Now, I recognize that this may not resonate with everyone – I know some people are maximalists and like every nook and cranny to have something in it, well maybe this blog post is not for you anyway! Once you get to the point where you have open spaces, then you may be seeing the difference in your home on your decluttering journey. Sometimes we feel the need to fill the space back up, and obviously this is going to be counterproductive if you are getting rid of items just to fill the space back up again.

If you are on a decluttering journey, I hope these ideas were helpful to you. It’s really not enough to just declutter our spaces. We must change our spending habits as well in order to truly make an impact. I know for me, I just got tired of the cycle of stuff going out, stuff coming in. Slowly but surely I am seeing more open spaces in my home. It has helped greatly with my anxiety levels, not feeling overwhelmed with stuff in my space and just not having to take care of as much stuff as I once did. I am still working on it! I am thankful for the space I have now for other things to flow into my life, as Peter Walsh says.

Here is the YouTube video I made in conjunction with this post!