Month: August 2026

WHEN EGO RUNS THE SHOW

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

Do you ever catch yourself needing to be right about something? Or needing to win an argument that didn’t really matter? Or maybe craving recognition for something you did? We all have these moments. This is our ego rearing its head. Our ego is not inherently a bad thing. It’s actually a survival mechanism built into us. The problem is when our ego starts running the whole show instead of being just one factor that drives our behavior.

I wanted to talk about this idea of the ego and how we can work to tame it so to speak. One of my core values is humility, but I often struggle with this living in the type of culture we live in now – with social media being so pervasive. First, let’s talk about what the ego is. A lot of people think ego is vanity or arrogance, but in reality it’s more of a mental construct of “self” that needs protecting, proving, and comparing. The job of our ego is to defend our image, seek validation, and avoid being wrong or feeling small. In our own heads, the ego convinces us that we are “the ego” side of us and so we tend to not evaluate its motives.

It is all too easy to allow our ego to quietly run our lives. The ego operates in several different aspects of our lives. It is present when we are having conversations, wanting to listen to respond rather than listen to understand. It is present in our decisions and can sway us to make decisions that make us look good or make it seem like we are doing the right thing or what others would approve of instead of what is actually the right thing to do. The ego operates in our relationships. It is that side of us that needs to be right in conversations and holds grudges to protect our pride. It also shows up in our work or achievement – causing us to chase status and recognition over meaning. And the ego is especially present when we are challenged as we react to criticism. It tends to cause us to have a defensive or emotional response rather than actually evaluating the criticism to see if there is something we need to work on or change.

It can be very difficult to pay attention to these ego responses and to push against them where necessary, actively seeking to live a life of humility. Humility is hard. Especially in our culture where so many people share their highlight reels and something so simple can get you “cancelled.” Humility requires putting the self down for a moment, while social media rewards the opposite. Social media platforms are actually engineered around self-preservation, curated highlight reels, likes as validation, and therefore comparison built into the scroll. There is a feedback loop at play, which is why it is so difficult to get perspective and really question the ego. It goes: you post something, you get validation, this reinforces your ego, which leads to the need for more validation, so you post again. Even “humble-bragging” or performative humility gets absorbed by the ego – which is why it can be so sneaky! It even hijacks virtue! And the reality is, we have all resorted to participating in this cultural noise: everyone is a brand, everyone has an opinion to share, everyone shows up as a “main character.” So if you don’t join this way of posting, where ego is driving, it can feel like you’re falling behind. The question I am often wrestling with as a content creator myself is how can I share in an authentic way that allows humility instead of my ego to lead? I feel like humility has a bad reputation. It needs a rebranding! Or at least a reframe. Humility is not self-deprecation or low self-worth. Instead it is an accurate self assessment! Having humility means being open-minded. Being willing to be wrong, to not know, or allowing someone else to be right. Humility is being curious and listening to others to understand not just to respond. Humility isn’t weakness, it’s being secure enough in the value you have to be okay if you aren’t right. Humility is quiet confidence over loud self-promotion which is anything but weak.

In order to live a life of humility, we must intentionally evaluate the motives of our ego. We must learn to practice self awareness and ask ourselves: “is this me or my ego protecting my image?” when we are challenged and tempted to just react defensively. We can look for opportunities to practice saying “I was wrong” or “I don’t know.” We can also pay attention to when we are mindlessly scrolling on social media, and particularly paying attention to when we are beginning to compare ourselves in the scroll. If we are having that reaction, maybe it’s time to stop scrolling. We can also pay attention to when we are seeking validation through posting on social media versus sharing to actually add value or make connections. Lastly, you can actively celebrate others accomplishments! Cheer others on, give compliments! I think one of the signs of a self-confident person is that they genuinely cheer others on!

The reality is the ego will never fully disappear. Like I said, the ego is there for a purpose – for our own self-preservation. The goal isn’t to eliminate the ego, but instead to be more aware of it and its motives. A humble life isn’t necessarily a smaller one, it just means that you aren’t performing for others or to seek validation. Instead you are living fully in your authenticity. Are there areas in your life today that you know your ego is driving? Are there any of these tips I shared that you could implement to help you become more self aware and allow humility to lead?

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.


MINDFUL MODERATION

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

I was recently introduced to this Japanese practice Hara Hachi Bu, only eating until you are 80% full rather than 100%. Interestingly, Okinawa is located in one of the “Blue Zones” in the world, which is an area with usually higher longevity than other parts of the world. I find this a fascinating practice with regards to food for sure, but this philosophy of stopping before excess intrigues me. I find that this idea translates to all areas of life! It is the idea of mindful moderation.

The idea of stopping at 80% isn’t about deprivation. It could seem this way, but if you think about it in terms of food – often it takes a while for your brain to catch up to your stomach actually feeling full. If you stop at 80% it gives your brain time to catch up to feeling like you have had enough. Stopping at 80% really is less about deprivation and more about leaving margin in your life. In all areas of life, satisfaction does not equal saturation. We live in a time that pushes the idea of saturation. The other day my husband, son, and I were talking about how much entertainment is available to us these days. It is difficult to choose what to spend your free time on sometimes because of how saturated the entertainment world is now. In general, our culture glorifies the idea of “more,” “full,” or “maxing out.” If you are on social media, you are constantly being exposed to “more.” Just one more Reel, just one more Tik Tok, just one more minute of scrolling. And on social media we are exposed to so many lifestyles and things that it can make us crave more in our own lives.

Like I mentioned, this idea of 80% can be applied to all areas of life. In work or ambition, we can stop at “good enough is good enough for today.” Instead of grinding until we are depleted, we can work to 80%. I know I have experienced this with homemaking. I have had to learn the art of progress over perfection and allowing my work to be “good enough” sometimes instead of constantly pushing myself to do things even when I don’t have the energy or bandwidth that day. This can also be true with screen time or taking in information. It is all too easy to “doom scroll” – scrolling until you’re numb. It is especially difficult to put boundaries on this since we know from research that scrolling on social media is an addictive behavior. We must learn to set and stick to our boundaries with regards to social media, news, and other media intake.

Another area where mindful moderation is helpful is in our spending and consumption habits. If you have been around a while, you know I have done two no buy years. I have also done multiple no buy months. The reason I did this was to practice this idea of mindful moderation when it comes to bringing things into my home. Implementing this idea has helped me tremendously on my decluttering journey. As we slow the inflow of things coming into our homes, we begin to see the progress of our decluttering instead of just purchasing more as we declutter.

Even healthy things should be done in moderation. Exercise is a good thing, but training at 80% effort instead of training to exhaustion can help with remaining consistent and avoiding ultimate burnout or even injury. Socializing is another positive thing, but it is another area of life where 80% would be beneficial. You can leave gatherings while you are still enjoying them rather than staying until you feel drained. On social media, you can turn off notifications so you do not constantly feel the need to respond to every comment and DM. Giving yourself time away from people to recharge, especially if you are an introvert, is important.

The idea of 80% can also be translated to speaking and sharing opinions with people. Instead of dominating conversations with what you want to share, learn to leave room for listening. Actually listening to others’ ideas and opinions and not listening just to respond. Lastly, related to relationships is the area of emotional reaction. We all have reactions to certain situations and confrontations with people in our lives – our spouses, family members, friends, and co-workers. It is human nature and natural to have an emotional response to certain things, but if we apply this idea of 80% – responding at 80% intensity, this leaves room to de-escalate. 

The idea of mindful moderation works well because of the psychological lag in recognizing “enough.” For example, like I mentioned, our brains take a while to catch up to how our stomach is feeling with regards to food. But this is true in other areas as well, like dopamine or even fatigue. If we stop at 80% it gives the brain time to catch up to realizing that is enough. It is better to undershoot – in all areas of life, then to overshoot and risk burn out. Also, focusing on 80% is more sustainable. When we shoot for 80% instead of 100 it feels more do-able and therefore we are more likely to follow through consistently. Moderation is a long game strategy that will help you remain dedicated day in and day out.

Can you pick one area of life this week to consciously stop at 80%? Maybe it’s with food, or your phone, or work. Reflect on where you stopped and how you felt stopping there. Remember those people who implement the Hara Hachi Bu practice are known to have longevity, which is likely also linked to well being in their lives. Mindful moderation is less about restriction and more about restraint as a form of self respect. 

Here is the video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.