Month: July 2026

DEALING WITH NEGATIVE PEOPLE

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Do you ever leave a conversation feeling completely drained – emotionally or mentally or both? I know your answer could be dependent on your personality type. If you are an introvert, being with people generally drains you. But I’m talking about being around those people who are negative and emotionally exhausting. This type of person can drain even the most people oriented extrovert! There are some people who struggle with viewing things from a negative light and often bringing others down with them. As someone who practices the Christian faith, I believe we are called to love all people. Maybe we are especially called to love those who are going through difficult things in life. But loving others, even those the closest to us, does not have to mean absorbing their emotional state. I think people can confuse true empathy – which is being present with someone in their pain and enmeshment – which is being pulled into their emotional state.

Empathy is a good thing. I have done a lot of research on empaths, and I really think this type of person describes me. Knowing that I am an empath has helped me tremendously as I have navigated what that means and how I can train my empathetic tendencies for good. When you don’t realize you are an empath, or you realize it and don’t work to train your heart and mind you can be susceptible to morphing your emotional state to match that of the person you have empathy for. Typically what this looks like is your energy shifts to that negative energy or you feel obligated to fix their mood. This heaviness can quickly cause your own mood to spiral. I have learned that I can have empathy for others without allowing their mood to dictate my own mood. I can protect my own peace, while being there for them in their time of need. 

You can hold space for someone without getting wrapped up in their emotional storm. I think of it like the waves of the ocean. Their mood is the waves that are ever changing – you can get caught up in that or you can be like the shore – strong, steady, unchanging, and present for them. Arguably, loving someone well looks more like being grounded for them, not matching their negative energy. I know this can be so difficult, especially if you do feel like you are an empath. You might get tired of hearing me say this, but I do feel like when you have healthy habits of your own it is much easier to deal with this sort of situation. It is easier to be more emotionally well regulated when you have proper sleep, hydration, nutrition, and exercise. I have to share with you, ever since I have changed my diet and have been counting my macros, eliminating alcohol, and being more intentional with getting my steps in I have noticed I am more clear minded and able to regulate my emotions better, even amidst perimenopause!

In addition to having your own healthy habits, there are other practical things you can do in the moment when dealing with a negative person. The first thing you can do is to have a mental phrase prepared ready to speak to yourself in the moment. You could say, “I can care about this without carrying it.” or “Their emotions are not my emotions. I can be empathetic while also staying grounded.” Something else you can do is to be hyper aware of your physical state when you encounter someone negative. Are your shoulders tensing up? Intentionally relax them. Is your breathing speeding up? Slow your breathing down. Is your jaw or fists clenching? Pay attention to these cues and unclench them. Lastly, you can have a script ready that enforces your boundary with someone when you have had enough and need to exit a draining conversation. That could be something like being direct and saying, hey can we pick up this conversation at a later time, I’m starting to feel emotionally overwhelmed. I want to be there for you in your time of need, but I want to make sure I’m fully emotionally present for you. Or it could be a redirection of the conversation. Being aware of your vulnerability towards absorbing their energy and then being prepared for what you can do in the moment can make all the difference. 

It may feel selfish to want to protect your peace and your positive mindset, but it is far from selfish. Like I mentioned earlier, loving people well means staying grounded FOR them. When you match their energy, you can’t be as level headed and present for them. Over time, consistently absorbing others’ energy leads to emotional burnout and that is good for no one! Not for you, or those around you. There is a bigger purpose at play and protecting your own peace actually helps those who need you. At the beginning of this message I asked you if there was someone who drained you. Who was that person you were thinking of at that moment? Can you love that person from a more grounded place? Dealing with negative people requires us to be aware of our tendencies towards enmeshment, and flipping that to true empathy and being present for them.

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

INCONVENIENCES

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Picture this, you are on your commute to work and suddenly traffic stops. You hear sirens coming and up ahead you can see there has been an accident. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? Are you irritated that this will inconvenience you? That this will make you late to work, you might start your day feeling behind, your boss might yell at you for being late. Inconveniences in life can cause our blood pressure to rise and stress to settle in. But you could choose a different mindset at this moment. Yes, I said choose. We may have an immediate negative reaction to inconveniences, but we don’t have to stay there.

What if instead of getting irritated and stressed in this moment you thought about how lucky you are that you were not the one in the accident that morning? That person in the accident likely is much more inconvenienced. They may be badly injured, perhaps causing them to miss days or even months of work while they recover. Or worse, they may have lost their life. It is easy to get frustrated when we are inconvenienced, but it is just as easy to shift our mindset to a more positive outlook. I saw a post on Instagram that said, “That 30 minute workout you hate? Someone’s in a wheelchair dreaming of it. That meal prep you avoid? Someone’s scraping together money to afford their next meal. That rest day you call ‘annoying’? Someone’s body is shutting down. Taking care of your body isn’t a chore, it’s a privilege.” It’s all about mindset!

The traffic example I gave is a slight inconvenience, but I think even with bigger inconveniences we can have a more positive mindset and not let these things ruin our day or even week! Another post I saw the other day on Instagram said: “The biggest skill you can develop is the ability to reset fast. Bad conversation? Move on. Bad day? Start fresh tomorrow. Missed workout? Hit it the next day. Poor decision? Learn and adjust. You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how long you let it affect you.” I wholeheartedly agree with this! It is natural to feel annoyed or frustrated at inconveniences or when things don’t go your way. But you do have the choice to dwell in that feeling or to choose to have a more positive outlook.

When life throws you a big inconvenience, it may take more than a moment to readjust and see the silver lining. I realize this is subjective. What is a big inconvenience to one person may not seem as big to another. But if it feels big to YOU, then it is big. There are things in life that are big curve balls. Things you did not expect or want to deal with. These things take time. Often with big inconveniences, we have to recalibrate. This often involves grieving. If nothing else you may be grieving the life you thought you would have or the person you thought you would be at this point in life.

When our kids were young, my husband and I would talk about how crazy it would be that we would be empty nesters at the age of 47. Here we are four years later and we cannot really call ourselves empty nesters yet. Currently two of our three adult children are living with us. Our oldest daughter is in a grad school program and living with us to save money as it is very expensive to live in Austin and she is paying for her grad school without debt. Our youngest son is still living with us as he just needs some extra time to grow and be ready to live on his own. This was unexpected. At first I really struggled with grieving what I thought my life would be at this age. But I was able to grieve that, and realize what a blessing it was to have extra years with two of our kids. It especially hit when our other son moved away, not just out of our house but out of the state! I appreciate the extra time I have with my two other kids! It has also been a mercy in a sense for me to ease out of being a stay at home mom. I’m still able to cook dinner for the family a few nights a week and help my kids with things.

My perspective now is that inconveniences are part of your path. When something happens that seems annoying, I like to think of it as protecting me and keeping me on the path I was meant to be on. Call it God or call it fate, or the universe… but I do think things happen the way they are supposed to happen for our higher good. Even when things seem bad in life, all circumstances can be used for good – to help us grow and become better versions of ourselves! 

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

LESSONS & OPPORTUNITIES

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We are almost halfway through the year, and many of us are probably evaluating the first half of 2026 and what we have done. We may be pondering if we have accomplished any goals and/or if we are working our way towards those goals. Some of us may have given up on our goals long ago, but even if we gave them up we are likely still thinking about them. Perhaps even feeling a sense of guilt or shame that we have not stuck to our habits to achieve our goals. Today I wanted to remind you that when looking back, don’t have the mindset of guilt and shame if you are not working towards your goals. Instead have the mindset of the past being a lesson for you. This is how we learn and grow and do better in the future. Our past is just lessons, and our future is opportunity. When we have this mindset, it allows for a positive perspective which leads to growth.

It is easy to get discouraged when you fall off the wagon with your goals and discipline, but my mindset is that every day is a new day to start over! Many people tend to completely give up when they don’t follow through perfectly, but as I frequently say: focus on progress over perfection. Perfection really isn’t sustainable, so learning to push through after a failure is important. Your past failures don’t define you as a failure, your past failures teach you. Every stumble was just a course correction in disguise. Instead of focusing on the failure, and potentially labeling yourself as a failure, ask yourself what that season taught you. What did it teach you about your strength, your values, and your blind spots? When you use your failures as a point of reflection, it turns into a positive and will help you to grow. The goal isn’t to forget where you have been and how you have failed, but instead to evaluate it and extract the wisdom, then keep moving!

Just like past failures don’t have to define your overarching story of life, the future is not something to worry about or fear. The future is not a threat, but instead it is a blank canvas of opportunities and you hold the brush! You are in charge of every decision moving forward, and that is empowering! Every goal you have is a possibility waiting to happen. Don’t fear failure, don’t be overwhelmed by the big picture, instead focus daily on what small steps you can take today to move towards your goal. Stop focusing on what could go wrong and instead focus on what could go right! Having a positive mindset, acting as if things will go right will help you more than you know! When you think things will go right, your brain will be looking for evidence that things will go right! There will always be uncertainty and set backs, but keep a positive mindset always looking for the possibilities.

Right now, THIS MOMENT is where lessons become decisions and opportunities become reality. You can ignore the lesson and keep falling down the slippery slope. You can tell yourself that you failed, so why keep trying. OR you can make a different decision TODAY. One honest look at where you have been and one brave step towards where you’re going is all it takes! That is the whole formula! This Thursday ask yourself: what lesson am I still carrying that I haven’t used yet? And what opportunity am I standing in front of right now? You didn’t come this far to stay stuck. You came this far to grow! So grow!

This is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.