Do you ever catch yourself needing to be right about something? Or needing to win an argument that didn’t really matter? Or maybe craving recognition for something you did? We all have these moments. This is our ego rearing its head. Our ego is not inherently a bad thing. It’s actually a survival mechanism built into us. The problem is when our ego starts running the whole show instead of being just one factor that drives our behavior.

I wanted to talk about this idea of the ego and how we can work to tame it so to speak. One of my core values is humility, but I often struggle with this living in the type of culture we live in now – with social media being so pervasive. First, let’s talk about what the ego is. A lot of people think ego is vanity or arrogance, but in reality it’s more of a mental construct of “self” that needs protecting, proving, and comparing. The job of our ego is to defend our image, seek validation, and avoid being wrong or feeling small. In our own heads, the ego convinces us that we are “the ego” side of us and so we tend to not evaluate its motives.

It is all too easy to allow our ego to quietly run our lives. The ego operates in several different aspects of our lives. It is present when we are having conversations, wanting to listen to respond rather than listen to understand. It is present in our decisions and can sway us to make decisions that make us look good or make it seem like we are doing the right thing or what others would approve of instead of what is actually the right thing to do. The ego operates in our relationships. It is that side of us that needs to be right in conversations and holds grudges to protect our pride. It also shows up in our work or achievement – causing us to chase status and recognition over meaning. And the ego is especially present when we are challenged as we react to criticism. It tends to cause us to have a defensive or emotional response rather than actually evaluating the criticism to see if there is something we need to work on or change.

It can be very difficult to pay attention to these ego responses and to push against them where necessary, actively seeking to live a life of humility. Humility is hard. Especially in our culture where so many people share their highlight reels and something so simple can get you “cancelled.” Humility requires putting the self down for a moment, while social media rewards the opposite. Social media platforms are actually engineered around self-preservation, curated highlight reels, likes as validation, and therefore comparison built into the scroll. There is a feedback loop at play, which is why it is so difficult to get perspective and really question the ego. It goes: you post something, you get validation, this reinforces your ego, which leads to the need for more validation, so you post again. Even “humble-bragging” or performative humility gets absorbed by the ego – which is why it can be so sneaky! It even hijacks virtue! And the reality is, we have all resorted to participating in this cultural noise: everyone is a brand, everyone has an opinion to share, everyone shows up as a “main character.” So if you don’t join this way of posting, where ego is driving, it can feel like you’re falling behind. The question I am often wrestling with as a content creator myself is how can I share in an authentic way that allows humility instead of my ego to lead? I feel like humility has a bad reputation. It needs a rebranding! Or at least a reframe. Humility is not self-deprecation or low self-worth. Instead it is an accurate self assessment! Having humility means being open-minded. Being willing to be wrong, to not know, or allowing someone else to be right. Humility is being curious and listening to others to understand not just to respond. Humility isn’t weakness, it’s being secure enough in the value you have to be okay if you aren’t right. Humility is quiet confidence over loud self-promotion which is anything but weak.

In order to live a life of humility, we must intentionally evaluate the motives of our ego. We must learn to practice self awareness and ask ourselves: “is this me or my ego protecting my image?” when we are challenged and tempted to just react defensively. We can look for opportunities to practice saying “I was wrong” or “I don’t know.” We can also pay attention to when we are mindlessly scrolling on social media, and particularly paying attention to when we are beginning to compare ourselves in the scroll. If we are having that reaction, maybe it’s time to stop scrolling. We can also pay attention to when we are seeking validation through posting on social media versus sharing to actually add value or make connections. Lastly, you can actively celebrate others accomplishments! Cheer others on, give compliments! I think one of the signs of a self-confident person is that they genuinely cheer others on!

The reality is the ego will never fully disappear. Like I said, the ego is there for a purpose – for our own self-preservation. The goal isn’t to eliminate the ego, but instead to be more aware of it and its motives. A humble life isn’t necessarily a smaller one, it just means that you aren’t performing for others or to seek validation. Instead you are living fully in your authenticity. Are there areas in your life today that you know your ego is driving? Are there any of these tips I shared that you could implement to help you become more self aware and allow humility to lead?