Can you remember the last time someone cheered you on, spoke words of encouragement, or supported you? How did that make you feel? It can be such a blessing to have friends or family members who are in your corner and consistently cheering you on in life. You know how good it makes you feel to be supported. That’s why it is so important to cheer others on! Encouragement is contagious, and you never know how a simple statement of affirmation could make someone’s whole day! And since it’s contagious, it could have ripple effects into the future.
I wanted to talk about what this looks like in practice. There are a variety of ways we can support others. First, we can celebrate others’ wins, both big and small! We must do this without comparing ourselves. When we begin to compare ourselves while supporting, envy or resentment can creep in. Keep the focus on the other person! We can also support others by showing up consistently – offering a listening ear, encouragement, or advice. A true friend is available consistently, not just when it’s convenient. Another thing we can do is to offer specific and genuine compliments. Notice something specific about their success and give a compliment. A generic “good job” doesn’t feel as authentic as saying something like, “I love how you handled that.” We can also be a safe space for someone who wants to process something in their lives – if they are having a hard day, or if they want to express excitement and joy for something going on.
I do think this can be a difficult thing for some people because they believe that someone else’s success takes away from their own wins. But here is what people often miss: some people lift others up so well that they forget themselves, or they quietly turn down their own brightness so they don’t make anyone feel uncomfortable. Because of this I want to encourage you to also not dim your own light!
Dimming our light shows up in different ways. It may be downplaying your achievements, staying quiet with a good idea, not sharing your own wins, hiding your own passions, or shrinking to keep the peace. If you think about it, dimming your own light doesn’t make someone else’s light brighter, it only makes the room dimmer. When you are fully yourself, not only are you true to yourself but it actually gives others permission to be authentically themselves as well. Some people think confidence is arrogance, but it actually isn’t. If you look at the definitions, you realize there is a difference. Confidence is a feeling of trust, a firm belief in one’s abilities, and a strong sense of certainty that something (or you) are reliable, while arrogance is an overbearing, insulting attitude of superiority or self-importance. You can be proud of yourself and proud of others at the same time.
Lifting others up and shining yourself aren’t opposites. Instead they work together. Have you ever been to a Christmas Eve candlelight service at church? If not, let me just paint the picture. One person has a lighted candle, then that person passes the flame onto the person next to them, and then that person passes it on to the person next to them, and so on until the entire room is illuminated with lights from the candle flames. It’s actually quite a spectacular sight to see. But I thought of this when thinking about supporting others. It doesn’t take away any light from your flame to light the wick of the person next to you. In the same way, it doesn’t dim your light to cheer others on! Instead passing on the light only makes the room brighter as each additional candle gets illuminated.
Okay, so I have a couple of different challenges for you this week. You can do one or both. I challenge you to encourage one person this week. Not just saying, “good job” but sharing a specific and genuine compliment. The other challenge I have for you is to do something that is unapologetically you. Share the idea, wear the outfit, take the compliment without deflecting. Do something that leans into your own identity proudly. Lift other up, show up as yourself, the world needs both!
