Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to address something that I’ve been thinking about lately and that is feeling like a fraud. This is something most people experience at some point in their lives. This is such a common way to feel. So much so that psychologists have coined the phrase “imposter syndrome” to describe this feeling. Two clinical psychologists, Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes first identified and named this phenomenon back in 1978. The definition for imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like a “fraud” or “a phony” and doubting their abilities. 

I wanted to talk about this, because I feel like it is one of those taboo subjects that people feel this way, but don’t talk about it. Like I mentioned, it is natural to feel like a fraud from time to time. Often, it is just not true. We only see people from external appearances or what they portray – either on social media or in real life. Often we are comparing our internal feelings about ourselves to the external things we see others doing or accomplishing. I want to encourage you today to see things from a proper perspective when you are having those feelings. I want to share some practical things you can do when you are having this feeling. Feeling like a fraud can be a sign of self-sabotage, so be aware of that and then be intentional about addressing your feelings. 

The first thing you can do is self-talk. When you have negative thoughts that come into your head – telling you that you are not enough, you are not competent, or not successful – you can acknowledge that you feel that way, but remind yourself that you ARE enough, you ARE competent, you ARE successful. If you can’t do this just in your head, perhaps process these feelings with a friend or use a journal to write down your fears around feeling like a fraud. We must find a way to break the cycle of ruminating and turn our thoughts towards the positive. 

Along with this, you can make a 2-column list with ways you are inadequate and ways you are competent. Sometimes writing it out you may realize you are far more competent than you think, and this can help bring perspective.

You might say, but what if my inadequacy list IS longer than my competent list? Then I would encourage you to reframe your inadequacies. Often acknowledging our inadequacies is the beginning of growth. Look at your struggles as a way to learn and become stronger! Being realistic with yourself, evaluating areas of life you do need to work on, and coming up with strategies to make changes may give you some peace of mind.

Talking to someone who knows you well about your feelings can be really beneficial. Getting feedback from a trusted friend or family member can help you to have a better perspective. We are often much harder on ourselves than others are on us. Trusted friends or family members know you well enough to give honest feedback, but also see you in a different light than you see yourself.

Lastly, be gracious with yourself. We often forget that we are aware of both the internal and external portrayals of ourselves and therefore can be hard on ourselves. Remind yourself that you are only human. You cannot be perfect and you will make mistakes. But that’s all a part of the growth and learning process!

I wanted to share a personal anecdote with you about feeling this imposter syndrome. We all second guess ourselves. Recently I added some new pieces to my bedroom – a new throw blanket and pillow. That day I was thinking about how much I talk on my YouTube channel and here on my blog about minimalism and intentional spending. I also do a fair amount of decluttering on my channel as I continue to pursue minimalism. Sometimes when I bring new items into my home and share it on my channel I feel a bit like a fraud. Like why am I buying more things when I am trying to create a space that is minimal?

First of all, whenever you’re on a journey of any kind, it is just that – a journey! By the definition, it is an ongoing process and not a point where you arrive. So, pursuing minimalism is a journey for me. I may make mistakes along the way – I may make poor decisions, but ultimately I am trying to be intentional with what comes into my home. Most of the time with items like these two items – it is not an impulse purchase. I think about it several days before I decide to purchase the items. Also, these items are practical. Like I mentioned, we needed cooler blankets for the warmer months, and the pillow was just a cover to add to my existing pillow, just a design that I think works better for warmer weather.

 In addition to this, one thing that I am always trying to balance in my home is making my spaces warm, cozy, and inviting, without having too much clutter. I love decorating our spaces to make our home a place that my family and friends feel comfortable and enjoy being in. Ever since I did my no spend year back in 2019 I am definitely more intentional about what I purchase. I used to just peruse the aisles of Target or Home Goods, do online shopping, or be influenced by what others had and were sharing on social media. Now I am far less tempted to do this and find it an even more creative process to curate the items that come into my spaces or wardrobe.

Does this mean I will always be perfect in my shopping choices? NO! Even if I’m intentional about what I purchase, you never know how much you will love something or how well it will serve you. You make the best decisions with the knowledge you have!

Keeping your focus on your values instead of perfection will help tremendously in feeling confident in who you are. Success is not a point in time, it is a continual process, so there will be ups and downs.

I hope this chat was helpful or resonated with some of you. As always, I love to hear your thoughts in the comments! If you feel comfortable, let me know if you have felt like a fraud before and what was your experience!