life

WHEN THINGS DON’T GO AS PLANNED

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I thought I would talk about when things don’t go as planned. I decided to share on this topic as it was on the forefront of my mind the other day when lots of things did not go as planned that day. My new workout routine took longer than expected, I was not able to accomplish the task that I have been trying to get off my to do list for weeks, and then a stomach ache derailed my afternoon!

I used to be the type of person who really did not like it when plans changed or things didn’t go as I expected them to go. I’m not sure when it was that I finally learned that if I hold my expectations loosely, life is a lot more enjoyable. It reduced stress and anxiety, and just made me a happier person in general. It wasn’t easy for me to get to that place since my personality is someone who likes structure, consistency, and routines. But honestly, raising 3 kids and two dogs, and having a husband who arguably has an opposite personality, has trained me to be flexible. Weirdly, as a kid I was very much a go with the flow laid back type. I think it was maybe in high school that I really started to become someone who liked the structure more.

One thing I did want to share with regards to things not going as planned, is how it affects relationships. Holding our expectations loosely will help in our relationships. If we cling to our expectations, it can cause strife and frustration in our relationships, which can ultimately lead to resentment. When we are open to things going differently than planned, we have a much more laid back approach to life and those curve balls don’t affect us as much. We are willing to pivot and move forward with the new plans or the new path.

A trick that I use for myself is to look for the silver linings in the plans changing. Instead of focusing on all the reasons it sucks that things didn’t go as planned, focus on the reasons it was good that plans changed. It’s never fun to not feel good like when I got a stomach ache the other day, but I did think to myself that maybe my body needed more rest. I was grateful that my life is flexible enough right now to take an afternoon nap and let my body heal. Shifting our focus to the positive is always helpful!

When things don’t go as planned it can also provide us an opportunity to reevaluate the plans in the first place! This could be a great opportunity to evaluate how you are spending your time and do an audit. Are there things you are doing that have a low impact in the long run? Could you devote more time to more high impact activities? Meaning, are there things that you could focus on to better achieve your goals or that line up better with your values and true priorities? Of course there are everyday life things that need to get done, but this could be a good time to evaluate what’s important!

Ultimately I think it would benefit us to view when things don’t go as planned as a positive thing. Maybe this is just me, but when you are running late or you get stuck behind a slow car, or stopped by a train, or anything that slows you down towards your goal for that moment – do you ever think that you are being protected from something? Maybe this is just my morbid way of thinking, but instead of getting annoyed I think to myself maybe I was protected from getting into an accident! We have a choice every day to view things from a positive lens, or a negative one. I know for some people it doesn’t come as naturally to view things positively. I fully recognize that I have always been a glass half full sort of person, so perhaps it is easier for me. But I do think we all have the choice on how we will view every situation we encounter. And I think it is always better to view things from a positive mindset.

Here is the Day in the Life YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.


DESIRING CHANGE

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Hey friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to talk about desiring change in life. I thought this was an appropriate topic since recently I have been changing things up around my home. Also, I think a lot of people use the new year as an excuse to change things up – either in their lives, or in their environment. For me this new year I have desired change now more than I have in past years. I mentioned that I am doing a no buy year this year, and I am doing an additional challenge each month this year. In January I have been doing dry January and abstaining from alcohol. Along with my no buy year, I am being more intentional about the food I purchase and focusing more on whole foods and cooking from scratch. So far things are going amazingly well, but I do recognize we are only 3 weeks into the new year so things may get more challenging as the year proceeds. But I’m already seeing some wonderful benefits from the changes I have made, which I will talk about next Thursday as I plan to debrief about my no buy year at the end of each month.

So, with all of this change, it got me thinking about why we would pursue change in life. At first I was just thinking about my desire to rearrange my furniture and remove things from my spaces. I have heard that it is good to change things up in our physical spaces, but the more I thought about it I realized that it is just another manifestation of my desire for change. While change is an inevitable part of life, sometimes we choose change. Desiring change is most likely a symptom of a desire for personal growth, dissatisfaction with career or life in general, or a realization that our current lifestyle does not align with our values or aspirations. 

In addition, upon doing a quick Google search about desiring change, a theme that came up was desiring change could be a trauma response. If we have past trauma that is unresolved, or we are in the midst of current trauma, naturally we want an escape from that. We may use our external environment, which we have control over, to change things up as a way of searching for peace and to calm our anxiety. I really think this is only a temporary fix, and if we don’t find healing for our trauma we will continue in this cycle of trying to find the “perfect” set up in our homes, the “perfect” amount of stuff. We are really searching for internal peace, but using our external environment to try to achieve that.

Often we desire change, and may take some steps towards change, but don’t have follow through or sustained change in habits. Breaking old habits and/or adopting new ones is not easy. It takes persistence, patience, and resilience. We must be prepared to face setbacks, discouragement, or criticism along the way – making it difficult to stay the course. While change is difficult, I have found so often it is more rewarding than I anticipated. It is worth pursuing change with tenacity if you find you really need a change in life.

While change is not easy, we can embrace it and navigate it successfully. The first step is self awareness. Recognizing you want or need a change in life isn’t always easy to acknowledge. But acknowledging it, and taking some time to self reflect and accept why you need or want a change is helpful in embracing the change effectively. Once we have acknowledged the need for change, we can begin to make a plan to execute the change. We must come up with detailed actions we plan to take in order to achieve the goal. While admittedly this year I have made a lot of changes at once, typically it is better to focus on small gradual changes as this more often will lead to sustainable change and make the transition less overwhelming. Also, when we focus on small changes we will have that immediate gratification of seeing the small wins which will propel us to keep going.

Having a positive mindset in this time of change will also help us to be successful. Reminding ourselves daily why we have incorporated this new habit, or ditched old negative habits will keep us on course. Surrounding ourselves with people – friends or mentors – who will encourage us on our journey will also help. I joined a Discord group with other people who are doing a no buy year and it’s encouraging to see their wins and to just have that camaraderie with others who are working towards similar goals. Practicing self compassion when you do fail is so important. It is easy to throw our hands in the air and give up completely when we fail, but we must view failure just as a learning experience instead of a reason to give up. We must view it as an opportunity to grow in reliance and confidence.

Lastly, we must take action. Maybe this is obvious, but so many times in my life I stayed in the planning and preparation phase. I once heard an author describe this as circling the runway instead of landing the plane. While planning and preparation are absolutely important, real change happens when we start taking steps towards the goal, even if it is baby steps. We must remain consistent. And as I have said many times before – progress over perfection. Keep taking those steps forward, recognizing that you will not always do things perfectly. 

Well friends, I hope this chat encouraged or inspired you in some way! Please let me know your thoughts on my thoughts down in the comments! 

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

ASK WHAT, NOT WHY

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about an idea I recently heard on a podcast. The host of the podcast was discussing with the interviewee about hardships in life and he suggested that instead of asking “why?” when we are going through trials we should ask “what?” Not why is this happening to me? But what should I do next? What could I learn from this? What is the purpose of this trial in my life?

I think it is human nature to ask “why me” when we are going through a difficult time in life. It’s human nature to want to understand why, to search for reasons. But the truth is we will likely never know why. Bad things happen to good people all of the time. We are wasting our energy, spinning our wheels, if we are just focused on trying to figure out why. If we shift our energy to answering “what” I think we will not only give purpose to our pain, but also we will find peace and contentment amidst the trial as we change our perspective. When we ask “what?” instead of “why?” We can focus on practical, actionable things which are more productive.

When we are going through something difficult in life, asking “why is this happening to me?” may lead to feelings of frustration or helplessness. Instead, asking “What can I do to improve this situation?” directs energy toward creating solutions and taking ownership. In this way, “what?” questions empower us by reinforcing the idea that, while we may not control external events, we can control our responses to them.

In personal growth and self reflection, asking “what?” questions can be transformative. When you ask questions like “why am I like this?,” “why do I keep doing x, y, or z?,” “why can’t I be more like this person or that person?” this keeps us caught in self doubt and insecurity. If we focus on what questions like “what can I learn from this?” or “what is in my control to change?” or “what small step can I take today towards becoming who I want to be?” encourages constructive thinking and leads us towards actionable goals.

“What?” questions can be helpful in relationships as well. In relationships “what?” questions tend to deepen understanding and empathy. “Why?” questions may feel accusatory and provoke defensiveness instead of mutual understanding. For example if you have a friend who is notoriously late and say, “Why are you always so late?” this can be perceived as an attack on their character instead of focusing on the issue at hand. If you say something like, “What usually causes you to be late?” it opens up the conversation to the actual issue at hand instead of perceived personal flaws.

Asking “what?” questions instead of “why?” questions helps us to feel more in control and there are actionable things we can do to change our circumstances or our perspective. When we focus on the “why” we stay in a defeatist mindset where we feel sorry for ourselves and just sulk about our circumstances which is not productive. Next time you catch yourself thinking a “why?” question, see if you can reframe to a “what?” question!

This is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

IT’S OKAY

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I just wanted to share a bit of encouragement with you. As I have spoken about before, there is a lot that I have gone through over the past 5 years or so. One of the primary ways that I have dealt with challenging circumstances has been to focus on the positive. I have incorporated positive affirmations into my weekly routines and that has helped tremendously with my mindset and outlook on life.

BUT, I wanted to encourage you that it’s okay if you can’t always be positive. There are some days that we will struggle with keeping a positive mindset, and that’s OKAY! As I have frequently said – progress over perfection. We can do all of the right things to keep a positive mindset and to be healthy. We can listen to positive affirmations, follow through on healthy habits like exercise, eating healthy, and getting good sleep. But there are just some days that no matter what we do we just feel down, sad, disappointed, or even hopeless.

For me I am well aware that hormones play a role in how I am feeling, and acknowledging that and giving myself grace on those days has been helpful. Don’t beat yourself up when you are not feeling as positive as you would like. On these days you might benefit from spending more time than you ordinarily would on self care. Go get your nails done, take a bubble bath, or make your favorite dessert. I have also found it helpful to talk to friends and honestly to just vent when I’m feeling this way. If you are a friend receiving this sort of vent session – I think often we just want validation and to be comforted more than to have our problems solved. Oftentimes the problems are not something that has a simple formula to solve anyway.

I know I have shared before about the Marco Polo app, but I just have to tell you about it again because it has been on days like these that I appreciate that app so much! With this app you send a video message to a friend (or a group of friends) and you are basically just talking like a monologue and then your friends watch the video back when they have the opportunity. The thing I love about this is that you can just get things off your chest without any interruptions and it is surprisingly therapeutic!

I have also found that sometimes when I’m feeling down that it is okay to sit with those feelings. To feel those feelings. Cry if you need to. It can help to talk to friends, but it can also help to journal when you’re feeling this way. Sometimes we just need to feel the negative feelings and process them. Sometimes we don’t need to hear platitudes, instead we just want to feel the feelings!

If you are feeling down, sad, discouraged, or even hopeless right now, I just want you to know that you are not alone. If you feel comfortable sharing in the comments any difficulties you are going through right now, I would love to pray for you! And I hope you will have some better days ahead!

FINDING BALANCE IN LIFE

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about something that keeps coming up lately in my conversations with friends, and that is balance. I tend to be an all or nothing person. I either won’t commit to something, or I commit 110%! It can be difficult for me to have balance in my life. Part of being someone who is an all or nothing type is being extremely disciplined and loyal to whatever we are committed to, probably to a fault. Sometimes we may do things out of obligation or sheer fortitude instead of having our heart and soul into it. We may end up being legalistic in what we are committed to, and just go through the motions instead of living in a present way.

I am learning that I don’t need to adhere to these strict set of arbitrary rules I place on myself. I’m learning to balance following a schedule and having routines, but also having some freedom and flexibility in that schedule. I’m learning the importance of listening to my intuition more and to stop being such a stickler about following my to-do lists. The other day I received two phone calls from two different friends who needed to talk to me. In the past I might have hesitated to answer the phone call no matter what, because I look at my to-do list and tell myself I don’t have time for this phone call that was not on my schedule for the day. But, I knew the circumstances of both of these friends and the things they were going through and I knew it was more important for me to set aside my to-do list to have those conversations.

Another example from this week: I used to be the type of person who went to church every Sunday without question, but now I listen to what my body or my soul needs and I follow that. Last Sunday I really felt like I needed time out in nature in the morning. I live in Texas, and if you want to get out in nature in the summer it pretty much needs to be in the morning! While I was in nature I got a phone call from a friend inviting me to go with them to their church (a service that was later in the morning than I usually go.) I felt like it reaffirmed my intuition to not go to my own church that day. My friend needed me with them at their church.

One thing I’m learning about balance is that it is not a static state, but instead an evolving process for each of us. It requires continual adjustment and adaptation to our changing circumstances and priorities in life. Have you ever walked across a balance beam? Or maybe across a log over water? It requires a lot of focus to remain balanced as you’re making your way across those. In the same way it takes a lot of self awareness in life to find that balance as we learn to fine tune our actions, choices, and values.

There are a lot of areas in life that require balance. From our mental, physical, and emotional well being to our social well being. If we can find balance in these areas of life, I think we experience more peace and harmony in our lives, but also it ensures we are living a life that is sustainable. One thing I was talking to some friends about was this idea of bouncing back and forth between being very strict with myself – my exercise and eating habits, and how I spend my time – and being more lax and feeling weary trying to keep up with it all. I think the key is balance. We can’t be perfect 100% of the time. We will have off days, down days, or days we just aren’t as motivated and productive, and that’s okay. I’m learning to fight that tendency towards perfection and lean into what my gut and intuition are guiding me to do! I would love for you to join in this conversation! Let me know down in the comments your thoughts on my thoughts!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.