In a recent Instagram post I shared a quote that said, “growth only happens outside of your comfort zone.” I am someone who likes structure and routines. I realize that at times having rigid routines can stifle my ability to get out of my comfort zone. Finding ways to stick with my healthy habits while also leaving room for flexibility made me think about living with soft discipline. I think this idea of soft discipline also lends itself to living a more intentional lifestyle – honoring those moments when we need a slower pace because of how we are feeling physically or because of the seasons, or when we should lean into a time when we have higher energy. When we create rigid routines for ourselves, this doesn’t leave room for this energy shift.

So, what is soft discipline? It is having structure in life, but with compassion instead of rigidity. Contrary to traditional discipline, which can seem to focus on self-punishment and an all or nothing mindset, soft discipline is daily doing what matters with self tenderness. It focuses more on our spiritual intuition and is rooted in intentional living. Instead of being harsh or demanding with yourself to “stay on track,” soft discipline allows you to pay attention to your energy, what season you are in, and your inner guidance.

I think oftentimes we struggle with sustaining self-discipline because we are not compassionate with ourselves when it comes to our goals. Especially in western cultures, there is a high value on productivity which can lead to perfectionism and burnout. The nature of discipline leads us to battle with ourselves as though we have an inner drill sergeant calling out what we must do. But unfortunately sometimes this inner voice can create a mindset of shame and self-criticism, which leads to a lack of motivation or shut down instead of motivating us to follow through.

The core principles for executing soft discipline is having a gentle structure, focusing on micro movements, having compassionate accountability, allowing for energy-led planning, and celebrating progress over perfection. 

First, soft discipline includes creating a flexible framework for your day instead of a rigid schedule. Having routines is good, but it is also good to give yourself grace within those routines. Focusing on rituals over routines can help to change your mindset towards a more compassionate routine. For instance, if you view your morning walk as a ritual – where you get to pay attention to your five senses, you get to clear your head, you get to move your body – this will make it feel more like a ritual you don’t want to miss rather than a task you must do to check off your to do list. Lastly, it can help to create anchor points in your day – having morning rituals, midday breaks, and evening resets.

Next, soft discipline includes focusing on micro movements. These would be actions that have the potential to build on other actions. Sometimes when we start small it gives us the momentum we need. Allow yourself to just do 5 minutes for a task. This will often lead to the energy and momentum you need to keep going. Focus on the momentum and not the mastery or completion of a task. Soft discipline also includes compassionate accountability. Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend. Replace punishment with curiosity and ask yourself: “What do I need right now?” instead of “Why can’t I get this done?”

Another principle of soft discipline is to allow for energy-led planning. I have to admit that I am so bad at this. I spent many years not honoring what my body was capable of doing and would over-commit and just push through. I am getting better at this, but it does not come easy to me. I am more of a pull up my boot straps and get it done type person. We must learn to pay attention to our intuition and our inner rhythms. We all have days where we don’t feel as energetic, and days where we have lots of energy. Honor your energy levels, slow down when you need to, and lean into productivity on days where you have lots of energy. If possible, align your tasks with your energy levels.

Lastly, soft discipline focuses on celebrating progress over perfection. So often we want to see big changes or big progress – especially when we are focusing on a specific goal. But it can be so helpful to start small, and celebrate along the way. When we celebrate our follow-through, even if it was not perfect, it can help to build our self-trust giving us that feeling of pride in our accomplishments.

Creating a life around soft discipline feels more peaceful, intentional, and sustainable. You begin to follow through more often because you are aligning to your energy and giving yourself grace. Soft discipline gives you the mindset of choosing yourself, kindly and gently, over and over again with each choice you make instead of the mindset of the drill sergeant just checking things off your to-do list. This doesn’t mean soft discipline is easy, all discipline is work, so we must have that expectation. But living with a more compassionate approach to discipline will reframe your outlook to viewing discipline as devotion to yourself – to your future self, your peace, and your purpose in life!