mental health

OVERCOMING ADDICTIONS AND BAD HABITS

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If you don’t follow me on Instagram you might not know that I just returned from a trip to Vegas! I met up with a couple of my YouTube girlfriends, Tiffany and Jessica. We had such an amazing time! It is always so fun to hang out with them! I had actually never been to Vegas, so it was interesting getting to experience a new city! Vegas is not a city I would necessarily choose on my own to go to, but it was fun to experience it at least once. Maybe this is obvious to most people, but actually being there – immersed in everything that goes on in Vegas – I realized that it is a place that caters to every sort of bad habit or addiction you can think of! There of course is gambling, but there is alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, lust or sex, and entertainment generally. I hope this doesn’t sound judgmental, because I have no judgement. Most people have some vice or vices we turn to for comfort, and for most people Vegas is just a weekend of debauchery and fun! But there are people who truly struggle with any one of these addictions. I know that some of it is brain chemistry as some people are wired to struggle more with addictive behavior. But for many, we turn to different “comforts” in order to escape the problems of life. 

One thing I have learned in my life is that when you are struggling with a bad habit, it’s really not enough to just remove it from your daily life. I think the key is to REPLACE the bad habit with a good habit. Find something that you are interested in, a hobby or getting involved in some sort of organization/volunteering. This will redirect your time towards the positive. But I do want to preface this whole conversation by saying, if you are truly struggling with an addiction, the best thing to do is get help – see a therapist or counselor, or get involved in a recovery group. Also, for some of these deeper conversations I do like to remind you that I am not any sort of professional or expert on this topic. I am only sharing what I have learned from my own research on this topic. I find that the goal in life is to create a healthy life that you don’t want to escape from. Recovery isn’t just about changing behavior, but also about building a new life. This makes it easier to stay sober.

Why is it important to create a life you don’t want to escape? I think the most important reason is so that you feel good about the way you spend your time and are proud of the life you are leading. Often when we are struggling with a bad habit or addiction, we feel bad about ourselves. We recognize deep down that we are not living our best lives. We may go through cycles of eliminating the bad behavior for a while, but we always circle back to it. Oftentimes, we keep turning to these coping mechanisms because it is so difficult to self evaluate. But once you realize that you are using that addiction to escape becoming more self aware, you begin to realize that it is a toxic pattern that you want to get out of. Once you start doing the hard work of self-evaluation, reflection, and devising a plan for change, you realize how much more fulfilling life can be!

There are several tools for resilience when it comes to these bad habits. As I previously mentioned, replacing these bad habits with good habits is one technique that can be effective. You can definitely get “addicted to” healthy or positive habits. Another thing you can do in the moment when you are tempted to follow through on your bad habit, is to stop and visualize the consequences of giving in. Think about it from the first 5 minutes of pleasure all the way through the hours after and the regret and potential fallout that will follow. Sometimes doing this will give you the motivation you need to say no. Another technique is being aware of your “HALT”signals. HALT stands for hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. If you are more self-aware of what state you are in and take care of your basic needs, you are less likely to follow through on these bad habits. Lastly, you can use positive self-talk and mindfulness to remind yourself that a craving is like a wave that will eventually peak and subside, rather than a permanent feeling that must be acted upon. When you think about this truth, it can help keep you more grounded and give you the wherewithal to say no.

Something else I wanted to talk about is the idea that the opposite of addiction is connection. Feeling isolated can contribute to giving into our bad habits. When we have a social network with people who we can talk through issues and problems with and who can hold us accountable, it is easier to make better choices. Obviously, recovery groups are great for people who are really struggling, but just having some friends, even just one friend who you can confide in can really help! Oftentimes addictions are fueled by secrecy. If we have friends who we can be radically honest with, this can help to keep us on the right path.

Lastly, as I often say in these Thoughtful Thursday videos, success is more likely to happen when we have a progress over perfection mindset. We are human so we are going to fail at times. Shifting the focus away from “all-or-nothing” thinking, and recognizing that a single slip up doesn’t mean failure, it is just a data point to learn from!

This is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

FEELING UNINSPIRED AND OUT OF TOUCH

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As I sit here staring at a blank screen and blinking cursor, I’m wondering how creatives deal with feeling uninspired. I like to stay consistent and bring you content every week, and share something meaningful for my Thoughtful Thursday series, but the reality is sometimes I’m feeling uninspired.

A friend shared a Jim Rohn quote with me recently and I shared that quote on Instagram. It says, “If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.” And when I shared this quote I was thinking it would be a great topic to share on Thursday. But the truth is, I’m wondering if I’m not the best person to deliver this message. I felt uninspired because I was feeling like a fraud. I was feeling like someone who is out of touch with what most people experience day to day. Let me explain.

I do agree with this quote 100%! I think a lot of people make excuses for their choices in life. They say they don’t have the time or the money to do certain things. To get in shape, to eat healthy, to get out of debt, to travel… and many more examples. I think the reality is, it’s about priorities more than it is about what we can or can’t do. We all have different values and priorities. Instead of saying I don’t have the time to do X, Y, Z we should be saying that is not something I value so I’m not prioritizing that in my life right now.

I hesitated to share this message because I am at a unique place in life right now. I recognize that I have more time margin and probably more disposable income than the average person in America. This makes it easier for me to prioritize things that other people who have to allocate their time towards work or taking care of young kids could not. I feel like because of this, it’s hard for me to deliver this message. I feel like I would be met with, but you don’t know what MY situation is like. And that is true. I will say this is just a snapshot of my life right now – a small snapshot compared to my 51 years of life. I have definitely experienced busier seasons in life, but even in those seasons I was able to prioritize what was important to me.

Exercise is a great example. This is something that I have always prioritized. I started running when I was 11 years old and basically prioritized health and fitness ever since. Through my college years, through 3 pregnancies, even in the busiest season in my life with all three of my kids in school and after school activities while I was working a part time job and dedicating time towards volunteering with two non for profit organizations! If you really want to do something, you will find a way!

One thing this quote made me evaluate is how I am actually spending my time and money. If you have been around long enough, you know I am someone who is regularly evaluating my behavior and my habits and determining if there are things I need to do differently. This quote reminded me that any time I think or say “I don’t have time for…” or “I don’t have money for…” what I really need to say is that I am not prioritizing that thing. If that makes me feel uncomfortable, then I want to reevaluate my priorities and values. An easy way to determine this is to look at your bank statement. That will quickly show you what you value. You could keep a log or to-do list of what you get done each day, this will also give you a picture of your values and priorities.

I didn’t want to sound harsh, insensitive, or out of touch when sharing this with you, but I will remind you that often I share these messages just as much for me as for you! I’m challenging myself, along with you, to start rephrasing when you don’t want to do something by saying, “I don’t prioritize that” or “I don’t value that.” If it makes us uncomfortable, then we need to evaluate our priorities!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

DECLUTTERING EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE

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While decorating my home for spring I was really surprised to realize how much home decor I have decluttered over the last several years. It felt so much more simple to switch my decor into this new season. In the past I had felt completely overwhelmed by my decor and trying to decide what to put out each season. I now have a curated collection and have distinct pieces for each season, making it a lot less overwhelming to decorate.

As I have really made great progress on my decluttering journey, especially over the last couple of years, I feel lighter and my spaces are feeling more manageable. Especially now after my no buy year and being more intentional with what comes into my home. When we get our physical spaces simplified, it leaves room and time for our mental and emotional spaces. I am beginning to realize that simply removing physical clutter isn’t enough for mental health. We also need to declutter emotional baggage, toxic patterns of thinking, and unhealthy dynamics in our relationships. Getting all of the physical clutter out of the way just made the space for more clarity in my life in general. 

Before I really tackle my emotional and mental clutter, I know there is still some physical clutter I need to deal with, perhaps related to that emotional and mental clutter, specifically sentimental items. I have gotten rid of some sentimental items over the years, but I am now in a place where I’m really feeling ready to tackle some things that I previously felt like I didn’t want to deal with. Some of it is physical, but even the sentimental digital clutter can hold us back. One specific thing I did this week, which I have been wanting to do for a while, was to fully delete my TikTok account. Truthfully I have not used it in a couple of years, but I just left the content sitting there. At the beginning of this year I really felt like I was supposed to completely delete it, but I was having a hard time because of all of the content I had shared there. I know that I could download the content and keep it archived for myself, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized the majority of the content I shared on that platform was from a different time in my life. I used that space to process some of my emotions and feelings, without sharing personal details of my life. I really feel like that chapter is coming to a close and I’m on the horizon of a new chapter in life. I felt like by deleting that account, I made space for the new to enter.

Life transitions can be difficult. Sometimes when we go through new seasons, we feel like we are losing something or things. But, we can look at it in a different way and see what we are gaining instead. We must let go of the old to make room for the new. Letting go of those TikTok videos for me was a tangible way of opening up the possibility for the new. 

I do have other physical sentimental clutter that I would like to go through this year. I know for sure one thing I need to tackle is my photos! I have a lot of physical photo negatives that I would like to convert into digital photos. I have just started to look into that, so if you have any suggestions or websites that you know of, please let me know! I also have some sentimental items in my attic space that I have just not wanted to go through, but I am feeling it is time! Once we master decluttering our physical spaces, it becomes easier to declutter our emotional and mental clutter as well. Arguably it is much more challenging, but we slowly build our decluttering muscles as we declutter physical things, giving us that strength to tackle more difficult things!

This is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post!

ALLOWING THINGS TO HAPPEN AS THEY ARE

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Earlier this week I shared an Erin Loechner quote on Instagram. I really love her book Chasing Slow. So much so that it is one of the few books I will keep in my collection. The quote says, “I begin to learn to allow things to happen as they are, rather than how I want them to be. I begin to learn, quite simply, the art of peace.” This quote really resonated with me. This idea that contentment isn’t found in some perfect definition of life. Contentment is found in the accepting. Accepting that things are the way they are. When we resign to this truth, we will find peace.

I think this quote resonated so much with me, partially right now, because I feel like I am in the in between in life. I just returned from visiting my son in Portland, and it really brought up that feeling of discontent in my heart. We have been considering moving to the Pacific Northwest, however now is not the time… yet. Currently our daughter is still living with us as she finishes her graduate school work. Graduation is in December, almost a year away. It doesn’t really seem like that long with how quickly time has been passing, but it also feels like I have already been waiting so long to downsize and move. Visiting Portland reminded me how happy my heart is there. For those of you who don’t know, we actually used to live in Portland. I really loved living there! We moved to Austin for my husband to go to graduate school, and that was now almost 24 years ago.

When our son got a job in Portland after graduating from college, I felt like that was almost like a sign we should move back. Our daughter has also always wanted to live in the PNW (although we shall see what happens with her career.) But reading this quote: “I begin to learn to allow things to happen as they are, rather than how I want them to be,” reminded me that I must fight for contentment everyday. When I accept where I am and find the joy and beauty in my everyday life here, I begin to experience that contentment and peace I long for.

For me, it’s not just about living in the PNW. I mean, it is – I think it will be an upgrade in lifestyle as I am an outdoorsy type person for sure. There are more opportunities to do outdoor activities there than here in Austin. But it’s also about downsizing. This is something I have been dreaming about for quite some time. If it’s not obvious by now, I long to live a more simple life. This is especially true as I age. I long to have less and do more. I long to take care of less stuff and take care of people more. I guess I just see that dream on the horizon and I’m ready for it NOW. I have been ready for it.

Me in my happy place! Hiking in Oregon!

Funny side story: I have always been adventurous! When we were graduating from Indiana University and my husband got a job offer in Portland, OR I said: “Awesome, let’s go!” When he wanted to go back to school for his MBA and got into the University of Texas I said: “Awesome, let’s go!” When we thought about moving within Austin to get our kids into a better school district I said: “Awesome, let’s go!” I have told my husband before that I am pretty much up for any adventure! I would sell everything and move half way across the world if we had to! I think some of what I am feeling is just too settled maybe? We’ve lived in Austin for almost 24 years and lived in this home for almost 17 years.

But back to the topic… I really want to challenge myself to a mindset shift. I find this to be one of the most important strategies to learn in life. And this quote sums it up. If we want peace, if we want contentment, we must learn to allow things to happen as they are. We must look for the joy and beauty in our lives here and now. We must CREATE joy and beauty in our lives in the here and now. Experiencing the art of peace isn’t as complicated as we may think. Look around you – be grateful for what you have, look for ways that you can grow and flourish in this season, in this very place where you are NOW! It’s okay to make plans for the future, but don’t let your contentment hinge on your future. I’m not just saying this for you, I’m reminding myself as well!

This is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

REASONS TO DECLUTTER

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Having extra stuff in our lives, in our spaces, causes anxiety. Everyday when we walk into our spaces, we must process what’s going on. All five senses are engaged to subconsciously make sense of our surroundings. I think this is true for everyone to a degree, but this is particularly true for people who have been through trauma. Our spaces can be a sanctuary – a safe haven, or they can be a place of chaos, causing unrest in our minds and bodies, which causes anxiety. This was my initial main reason I began my own decluttering journey. To create tranquil spaces in every corner of my home. Spaces that calmed my nervous system, not triggered it.

I have been actively working on decluttering my home for over 10 years now. I have seen a progression in why I choose to declutter. At first it was to calm my spaces. Every room in my home was overcrowded with stuff. I disguised it as coziness, but the truth was it was just clutter. As I continued on this journey, I realized that having less physical possessions gave me extra time to do other things. I wasn’t spending as much time cleaning and organizing my spaces. Having less possessions gave me mental clarity. I began to declutter more because I saw the value in having more time and mental clarity. I could be more intentional with my life.

Down the road, I began to realize the buy/declutter cycle. As I continued my decluttering journey, I saw the value in being more intentional with what I brought into my home. I realized that the impact of all of my decluttering wouldn’t be sustained if I kept bringing new possessions into my home. That’s when I did my first no buy year, back in 2019. I had changed my spending habits after that year, but slowly old habits began to creep back in and in 2025 I decided to do another no buy year to reset my spending habits. I am hopeful as I look towards the future as I feel this had a big impact on me. As we become more intentional with our spending, we begin to see how much money we can save just by eliminating some spending which allows for freedom!

Now I see a new phase on my horizon. I see another reason to continue the decluttering process. I am realizing as I look around my home that I have a lot of things that I use, but I don’t use often. I am realizing that it is selfish of me to hang on to things I don’t use often because these things could bring someone else joy! On one of my recent YouTube videos, a loyal subscribers Jenny, made a comment which really resonated with me. It was a video where I was cleaning out my husband’s office. I had several things that I got rid of that day that I had been debating for a while and I also had a piece of home decor that I decided to display instead of leaving in the closet. She said, “it’s poor stewardship to hold on to something that you don’t use or display when someone else would be grateful to have and enjoy it now.” That really stuck me, and challenged me in a good way! I have upped my decluttering progress to the next level with this idea in mind! I need to be realistic with myself of how often I will really use items.

This month in January I am playing the minimalism game – where you get rid of one thing on day one, two things on day two and so on. I’m not being strict about sticking with the number of items each day. I am just collecting things as I see them and I’m hopeful that I will reach that 465 items number by the end of the month! I know this seems lofty, and even I’m not totally confident in my ability to succeed at this challenge, but check out my YouTube channel at the end of the month to see if I was successful! I will be sharing the process over there. I always have my YouTube channel linked at the bottom of each post. That video will be out the last Sunday of the month.

We all declutter differently. We declutter at a different pace and the amount we own and are willing to let go is different. But with this in mind, I think the best piece of decluttering advice I could give is to know why you are decluttering. Knowing your why can help motivate you to keep making a part of your routines. Can you relate to wanting to calm your space? Maybe you want to save money, or just be more financially responsible. Or perhaps you realize that you can bless others with the items you don’t use as often. Whatever the reason, it is good to know your why! Decluttering can be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. But it is so worth it in the end!

This is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

MEDITATIVE PRACTICE

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Hey friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to talk about something I was thinking about the other day while putting up our outdoor Christmas lights. I have been lining the path leading up to our house with lights for the last several years. It is a tedious process and I’m always trying to remember exactly how I installed them previously. I have these little light pick type holders, they are little stakes you put into the ground and then put each individual light bulb into individual stakes so that the lights are neatly lining the sidewalk. On the day I was doing this project I was not feeling great. I was dealing with some seasonal allergies, which made me a little irritable. I didn’t realize I had two different lengths of light strands and I thought I had installed the wrong ones because they didn’t reach all the way down the path, which irritated me even more! I later realized that the lights usually didn’t extend the full length of the pathway. But I had this thought while installing the lights – a lot of homemaking tasks and projects can be tedious, but they can also be quite meditative if we view it that way.

When we have a task that requires little thought and is a repetitive task, we can view this as an opportunity to have a meditative moment. As I was installing each little individual light, this repetitive motion afforded me the space to think through things that were on my mind. It gave me time to process some things I had been thinking about. I know when we perform these repetitive tasks it may be easy to want to entertain ourselves during that task. We may want to listen to music or a podcast, or watch a YouTube video. And there is nothing wrong with that! I certainly do that too. I just had this moment of clarity where I realized how meditative some tasks can be. I have been trying to mono-task more often lately. Doing one thing at a time – whether it’s cooking, cleaning, or putting up Christmas lights. This can help you to live more in the moment, and also leave more space for quietness and reflection.

Something that I have actually been thinking about all year is how inundated we are now with entertainment. Having a mini computer right in our pockets and going everywhere with us has made it really easy to access content and constant entertainment. I have noticed recently how easy it is to mindlessly open apps on my phone or mindlessly scroll Instagram. I go on to respond to comments or DMs and before I know it I’m just scrolling. I feel like it has become something that is an autopilot response. Any dead space we have – whether it’s sitting at a traffic light or waiting in line, our auto response can be to pick up our phones. I have been wanting to do a social media detox for a while now, but it’s just so complicated given that I post on social media for business purposes. I’m thinking about trying a 12 day detox leading up to Christmas day. And honestly, Instagram is the only social media app I struggle with. I do watch YouTube videos, but I feel like I am more intentional with YouTube. I got rid of Tik Tok and FaceBook a couple years ago. Social media is such a double edge sword because on the one hand it is a great way to connect, but it can also be a time suck. I have also wondered if I would spend more time with people in real life if I didn’t have this app to connect with people.

But back to the main topic I have been thinking about – meditative practices. I think once I filter out this extra input in my life, it will be easier to truly enjoy the meditative quality of some of my homemaking tasks. I will be less apt to find some way to entertain myself while cooking, cleaning, decorating, organizing, or decluttering and instead enjoy the process more and focus my mind on prayer, self reflection, or processing my most recent emotions. I do feel like this is such a challenge because of how prevalent media is in our lives. I don’t want to be a zombie and mindlessly open apps, and mindlessly scroll. I want to be intentional with what I do with my time and my brain space!

TRUSTING GOD WHEN IT’S HARD

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Okay friends, for this week’s Thoughtful Thursday post (which is going up on Friday this week!) I wanted to talk about trusting God when it’s hard. Or trusting God when our circumstances don’t make sense or are difficult. The first thing I am going to say about this is that it is not easy. I don’t have three neat steps to trust God when it’s hard. I think what makes trusting difficult usually has to do with timing. We think God should do something to change our circumstances on our timeline and so we feel discouraged.

From my experience, I have seen how God has used the in between, the waiting, to help me to grow. I needed the circumstances, which seemed so difficult or painful at the time, to help me to grow as a person. To help me to gain more self awareness, to help me grow in patience, to help me grow in perseverance. All of this is not easy. As humans, we naturally want things to be comfortable. We want things to go our way and in our time. But I think if all of that were true we would not grow and evolve. There is a quote I once heard by Robin Sharma, “Rough seas make stronger sailors. Tough times build greater people.”

I think it is important when we are in a period of waiting for God to answer our prayers or waiting for God to intervene in our difficult circumstances to shift our perspective. It is easy to feel sorry for ourselves and focus on how our circumstances aren’t fair. But what if instead of focusing on the negative, we asked ourselves “what lesson is there for me to learn in this difficult season.” I can almost guarantee you that when waters are rough, the sailor is learning a lot about sailing!

One perspective that I like to remind myself of when I am in a difficult season in life is that I cannot see the big picture. I am in one season of life, which may be short, relatively speaking compared to the rest of my life. God sees that big picture and knows what we need in each season of life. The difficulties today may be preparing us for our future. I recognize that this idea doesn’t resonate with everyone, but even if you don’t believe in God, there is a big picture happening and you are in one part of your timeline and can’t see the big picture.

I can assure you, because I have lived enough life, that the hard seasons we go through are not in vain. From my experience, it has been in those difficult seasons that I have grown, not just in general as a person but also in my faith! When I look back, I see what God was doing in those times when I felt impatient and frustrated with life. Because of this experience, it is easier for me to keep that positive attitude and keep trusting that God has a plan for my life. There are two comforting Bible verses when it comes to this topic. The first is Jeremiah 29:11, which says “‘For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope for the future.’” The second verse is Romans 8:28 which says, “All things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.”

I do want to say, I by no means want to minimize any difficult life circumstances you might be going through right now. I have chosen not to share publicly some of the things I have gone through in my life, but believe me I have gone through some pretty tough things. If you are going through a difficult time right now and need prayer, you can let me know down in the comments and I will pray for you. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing publicly, you can just ask for general prayer, or message me over on Instagram. I will pray for you!

This is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

FIX YOUR EYES ON THE RIGHT THING

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to talk about a quote I shared over on Instagram earlier this week. The quote says, “sometimes one landmark helps us find our way when we are lost. Even though our location hasn’t changed, things become clear when we fix our eyes on the right thing.” How many of you out there are landmark direction givers? Don’t tell me to turn east here, and then south there! Tell me to turn right by the gas station and left by the Starbucks! It’s so much easier to find your way or remember a route by landmarks.

When we feel lost in life, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. Feeling lost is something I think everyone has felt at some point in life. It can happen after a setback, after a big life change, or even in the middle of success. The things that once gave us a sense of purpose and direction may start to fade, and we are left asking ourselves, what now? When we feel this way, the instinct may be to search frantically for clarity. Just like when you are physically lost you may feel frantic to find something, anything, to grab onto that will guide you back. But the truth is, what if when you feel lost the challenge isn’t to immediately find answers, but instead to just focus on the right things and the answers will emerge organically.

When confusion takes over, we often begin to obsess over what’s missing, what went wrong, or what others seem to have figured out that we don’t. But when we focus on the things that are outside of our control, this only makes us feel more disoriented. The first step to finding your way again is to shift your focus inward – to what you can control. That includes your mindset, your effort, and your willingness to keep moving forward even when the path ahead of you isn’t completely clear.

As a Christian, I find that seeking God through reading the Bible and prayer can help to ground me. Spending time daily with God is non-negotiable for me. The Bible is like a compass for me, and I know if I follow what God instructs in His word then I am on the right track. As I seek God, I find over and over again that the “right thing” really is quite simple: it’s to do the next right thing. Often when we feel lost it is because we are focusing too much on the whole journey or the big picture. Doing the next right thing can really keep you grounded. It could just be the seemingly insignificant daily healthy habits that we can lean into during a time of uncertainty. Like taking care of your body – exercising, eating healthy, and getting good sleep, connecting with friends and loved ones, or returning to or picking up a hobby that could bring joy to your life. These may seem simple or mundane, but these daily habits can provide momentum and lead to some clarity in the long run.

 Perhaps you are not a Christian and the idea of the Bible or prayer doesn’t resonate with you. But even if you don’t have that as a compass, you do have the things you value in life and priorities, which can help serve as a map towards clarity. When you’re lost, it can be easy to confuse direction with identity, but they aren’t the same. You can lose your way without losing yourself. Reflecting on what truly matters can keep you on the course towards clarity – like kindness, honesty, curiosity, compassion, love, or any other thing that you value. When you are living out those values it can keep that momentum going.

In a culture that glorifies constant productivity and certainty in purpose, it can be easy to feel like being lost is a failure. But more likely being lost it is an invitation in life to slow down and listen. Sometimes the right focus is not doing more, but instead being more present. The fog will begin to lift, maybe slowly, maybe VERY slowly, but not because you force it, but because you stop chasing every distraction and learn to trust that clarity will come when you are ready for it!

FORGIVENESS IS FOR YOU, NOT THEM

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For today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to share on the topic of forgiveness. I am fairly certain I have talked about forgiveness in a previous Thoughtful Thursday post, but today I wanted to focus on the idea of forgiveness for your own sake more so than the sake of the person you are forgiving.

Unfortunately forgiveness is a part of everyday life as a human. Like I shared last week, because we are human, we are imperfect. We will make mistakes, we will say hurtful things, we will do things that hurt others – sometimes unintentional and sometimes intentional. Because of this, forgiveness is necessary in a healthy relationship. If we just abandoned relationships when we were hurt, we would not have very many long lasting relationships.

When we are wronged, it can be easy to sit in our hurt and to hold a grudge against that person. It is okay and natural to feel hurt. We must allow ourselves to feel the hurt, but we must choose to move forward and not wallow in the pain. Have you ever heard the saying, “unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” When we don’t forgive someone, we keep ruminating on the wrong done to us which only hurts US, not THEM! Forgiveness IS primarily for our own mental health! When we forgive someone, it frees us from those ruminating thoughts about the incident. 

Something else I often think of when someone has wronged me is how I have done my own fair share of hurting others. Like I mentioned, this is human nature. We are not perfect and have moments of weakness where our anger or pride gets the best of us, or moments of stupidity where we hurt others without intention. I think about how I would like those people who I have hurt to extend grace to me, so I want to extend that same grace to others.

Offering and receiving forgiveness can truly foster deeper connections with those we love. When we go through the tough work of honesty and openness with one another about our hurts and can work through it with emotional maturity, it can really help those relationships grow deeper and flourish. Believe me, I have been on both sides of this equation being married for 29 years and also having some long term friendships. When we can be vulnerable with one another to share our hurts, it definitely causes the relationship to grow stronger. When we sulk, hold grudges, maybe talk to others about our woes instead of going directly to the person who hurt us, it only creates a wall in the relationship which can keep growing brick by brick over time. If this pattern continues where you don’t address hurts in a relationship, it will eventually become toxic. We are meant to be open and vulnerable with one another so we can work through our hurts.

Speaking of toxic, I will say that sometimes there are people or relationships that are toxic and it is very difficult to reconcile with this type of person. If this is the case, then still forgive them for your own mental health. You can forgive someone who has hurt you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to continue on in the relationship. Some people have a pattern of hurting others, and it is okay to decide you have had enough. Only you know when you have had enough. Some relationships are worth continuing to fight for, while others it is obvious that things won’t change. When you forgive them anyway, believe me this is a peace that is deep! When you forgive them, you have done your part, even if the other person isn’t willing or emotionally mature enough to work through things with you!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

COMFORTABLY UNCOMFORTABLE ROUTINES

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Hello friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about my everyday routines. Not to enumerate what my routines are – I do have plenty of routine videos on my YouTube channel if you are interested. But more so to talk about how I stick to my routines day in and day out and how I add new healthy habits to my routines. 

So I have a secret I wanted to share with you about how I stick to my routines. I have joked in the past that there is no secret to staying healthy. The truth is there is no MAGIC PILL, there is no easy way out of change and growth other than doing the work day in and day out. BUT, there is a secret to getting it done. That secret is to feel comfortable with the uncomfortable. What I mean by this is that I actually feel uncomfortable when I don’t follow through with my everyday routines. Some routines I even stick to while I’m on vacation! I know that if I don’t drink water and walk first thing in the morning, read my Bible and pray, or exercise each day, it will make me feel uncomfortable. I am only comfortable when I follow through on these uncomfortable routines!

I just recently incorporated walking first thing in the morning, and I have noticed if I don’t do that I don’t sleep as well that night. If I don’t read my Bible and pray, I don’t feel as grounded and it’s more difficult to manage the struggles of life or the emotions I’m experiencing. If I don’t exercise, I am more likely to feel down and unmotivated. Following through on these daily healthy habits becomes easier when you over and over again experience the long term benefits of the routines. This doesn’t mean that I’m perfect. Some days, for whatever reason my routines may get interrupted – whether that is because of vacation, illness, or some extra activities or events in life. But the key is that you get right back to the routines even after they have been interrupted because you are comfortable with the routines.

It is difficult to incorporate a new healthy routine or cut out an unhealthy habit, but that is when you need to press into consistency to get to a place where it feels more comfortable to follow through on the routine than not. THAT is the secret: to get to a place where you are comfortable with the uncomfortable routine.

I have talked before about the idea of a maintenance mindset over a completion mindset. This is the idea that these everyday habits are not something where there is an end goal, but instead these habits are just a part of the maintenance of your life. When we learn to accept that, we are more likely to live in the moment and to just enjoy these routines even if they are uncomfortable or hard. When we have this mindset that these routines help us to learn, grow, and become better versions of ourselves, then it’s easier to enjoy these things fully. Focus on how blessed you are if you are able to walk or workout. If you have clean drinking water. If you are able to read. All of these things are blessings that not everyone in the world can enjoy.

A lot of healthy habits are not easy to do and therefore not easy to maintain, but if we have this mindset that we feel more comfortable when we do these uncomfortable routines, we are more likely to have follow through!

The YouTube video I posted in conjunction with this blog post.