lifestyle

COMFORTABLY UNCOMFORTABLE ROUTINES

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Hello friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about my everyday routines. Not to enumerate what my routines are – I do have plenty of routine videos on my YouTube channel if you are interested. But more so to talk about how I stick to my routines day in and day out and how I add new healthy habits to my routines. 

So I have a secret I wanted to share with you about how I stick to my routines. I have joked in the past that there is no secret to staying healthy. The truth is there is no MAGIC PILL, there is no easy way out of change and growth other than doing the work day in and day out. BUT, there is a secret to getting it done. That secret is to feel comfortable with the uncomfortable. What I mean by this is that I actually feel uncomfortable when I don’t follow through with my everyday routines. Some routines I even stick to while I’m on vacation! I know that if I don’t drink water and walk first thing in the morning, read my Bible and pray, or exercise each day, it will make me feel uncomfortable. I am only comfortable when I follow through on these uncomfortable routines!

I just recently incorporated walking first thing in the morning, and I have noticed if I don’t do that I don’t sleep as well that night. If I don’t read my Bible and pray, I don’t feel as grounded and it’s more difficult to manage the struggles of life or the emotions I’m experiencing. If I don’t exercise, I am more likely to feel down and unmotivated. Following through on these daily healthy habits becomes easier when you over and over again experience the long term benefits of the routines. This doesn’t mean that I’m perfect. Some days, for whatever reason my routines may get interrupted – whether that is because of vacation, illness, or some extra activities or events in life. But the key is that you get right back to the routines even after they have been interrupted because you are comfortable with the routines.

It is difficult to incorporate a new healthy routine or cut out an unhealthy habit, but that is when you need to press into consistency to get to a place where it feels more comfortable to follow through on the routine than not. THAT is the secret: to get to a place where you are comfortable with the uncomfortable routine.

I have talked before about the idea of a maintenance mindset over a completion mindset. This is the idea that these everyday habits are not something where there is an end goal, but instead these habits are just a part of the maintenance of your life. When we learn to accept that, we are more likely to live in the moment and to just enjoy these routines even if they are uncomfortable or hard. When we have this mindset that these routines help us to learn, grow, and become better versions of ourselves, then it’s easier to enjoy these things fully. Focus on how blessed you are if you are able to walk or workout. If you have clean drinking water. If you are able to read. All of these things are blessings that not everyone in the world can enjoy.

A lot of healthy habits are not easy to do and therefore not easy to maintain, but if we have this mindset that we feel more comfortable when we do these uncomfortable routines, we are more likely to have follow through!

The YouTube video I posted in conjunction with this blog post.

NO BUY YEAR AUGUST RECAP

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For today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to share with you how my no buy year has been going for my August recap. I know I am a bit late in sharing my August recap! The short story is I failed AGAIN! Y’all. For whatever reason it is really hard to go 365 days without buying any clothes! Once again my failure was with clothing. This is solidifying the fact that my biggest struggle when it comes to shopping is clothing. I did purchase 2 pairs of jeans, once again because they were on sale and once again 2 pairs in order to get free shipping!! Tell me, do you add more items to get free shipping or is it just me?? The other thing I purchased, which honestly can’t decide if it’s a fail, is a new pair of shoes that I can wear in the water. The water sandals that I had I recently wore to a water park all day and I had horrible blisters. I think it’s because I have had them for so long the material, which is like a shoe string type material, got messed up to where I couldn’t un-tighten the string material from the bottom of the sandals. So, really I am just replacing something that was worn out.

The good news is that I have become more self aware with my feelings or state of mind when I was tempted to buy something. I talked about this last month, but once again I purchased those jeans when I was feeling down, basically like I needed a dopamine hit. I guess I am still struggling to turn to more positive avenues to get that dopamine. I am working on more positive habits to raise my overall mood. Mid-way through August I decided to start walking first thing in the morning before my morning coffee to get my blood flowing and to get sun on my face first thing. I do feel like it is generally helping with my mood! I am trying to give myself grace though. After these 2 more items, that comes to a total of 6 items for the year! That is less than one item of clothing per month! Even if you count the sandals, bringing it to 7 items, that is still less than one item per month. Speaking of the sandals, the difference I could tell with the sandals versus the jeans is that I didn’t do it to get a dopamine hit to feel better. I purchased them to replace something that was no longer working for me. This is why I’m on the fence as to whether the sandals constituted a fail.

Okay, now let’s move on to talking about the wins this month! I always decorate for fall at the end of August, so I have already decorated for fall and I did not purchase any new fall decor! Not even a candle! When I was decorating my fall porch, I really could have purchased a new door mat because ours is not in great shape. And the layering mat under our door mat is really no longer my style, but I decided to go with it anyway and not purchase anything new. In addition to that, I really could use some sort of greenery or foliage for the large planter on our front porch, but once again I made what we had work!

I was not at all tempted to purchase new home decor for the inside of our home, however I did contemplate buying a fall candle because I currently only have two scented candles and neither one is a fall scent. I decided to just use the one I got last year for Christmas and I will leave it out all fall and then into the holiday season. If I burn it out before the holiday season is over I will purchase another one.

There was something I wanted to chat about concerning this topic of fall decor and fall candles. There is nothing wrong with buying new decor for fall, BUT I did want to encourage you that you don’t HAVE to buy new decor and candles for fall! I feel like being exposed to social media and influencers, we are sold this idea that in order to get into the fall vibes we must purchase new things. Like part of getting into the fall feelings is going out and shopping. Experiencing fall doesn’t have to include shopping. Bringing fall feelings into our home can come through styling the fall decor we already have on hand, burning candles, baking fall treats, wrapping up in a cozy blanket in the evening with low lights on, or making yourself a fall inspired drink. Some YouTube videos or Instagram Reels that are fall inspired are centered around shopping, so I just wanted to remind you that those fall feelings can come from other sources than shopping! I have found that I have had to get more creative with what I already have on hand, and to me that is more fun!

Well friends, that is all I have to share for this Thoughtful Thursday! I hope it was encouraging or inspiring! I always like to hear your thoughts on my thoughts, so let me know down in the comments!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

AGING GRACEFULLY, IT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK

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For today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about aging gracefully. I wanted to share on this topic because I know a lot of people are surprised when they find out my age. For those of you who are new here or just don’t know, I am 50 years old. Aging gracefully is not just about creams and ointments, exercise, drinking plenty of water, and getting good sleep. Don’t get me wrong, I think all of those healthy habits contribute to aging gracefully, but it is far more than just surface level habits.

The first thing I wanted to talk about is relationships. I’m talking about genuine relationships. Those relationships where you have deep and meaningful conversations, hard conversations, remembering birthdays and other special dates, and showing care and love for one another. Dr. Mark Hyman has shared on this topic, the importance of relationships for health and longevity. On instagram he shared that if you have a loving, connected conversation with someone, it will turn on the genes that shut off inflammation in the body. He also shared “an 85 year old study following 700+ people found that the #1 predictor of long-term health and happiness wasn’t diet, wealth, or even genetics. It was the quality of relationships. Community is really the ultimate medicine for the body and brain.” This isn’t easy. Especially in this fast paced culture we live in. It is difficult to prioritize relationships, but it will help us to age gracefully! 

Something else that can help us to age gracefully is similar to prioritizing relationships is to look outward instead of inward. When we focus on listening to others, helping others, serving others instead of constantly focusing on ourselves and our own needs, we shine a little brighter!

We also must hold on to curiosity if we want to age gracefully. Have you heard that phrase, “he or she is set in their ways.” This is usually referring to someone who is older and has become closed-minded. Staying open-minded and curious can help us to stay more youthful. We can do this by listening to others’ perspectives and opinions, but we can also do this by being life-long learners, challenging and examining our own beliefs. Prioritizing education throughout your life will help you to age gracefully!

The next thing I have to share I would say is totally underrated. I think it is so important to hold onto whimsy. Typically, whimsy is something that is associated with children. Kids have an excitement and enthusiasm for life that is often lost in adulthood. Finding joy in the little things in life can help us to stay youthful! Look for ways to make life playful! Go play in the rain, skip into a store instead of walking, stop and ride on a swing when you pass one! Don’t lose your wonder for life! Make room for fun and laughter.  Don’t run yourself ragged saying yes to everything, but instead be intentional with your “yes.” Say yes to spontaneous adventures. Play isn’t pointless, you can get excited about things that aren’t necessarily useful or productive.

Another way you can age gracefully is by being gentle with yourself. Give yourself grace because no one is perfect. We all just do our best and if we have unattainable standards for ourselves, it will make us irritable and frustrated. I recognize that this is easier said than done and can take time to get there through practice! This shift is not something that can be bottled up and sold, but it definitely changes your demeanor, the way you carry yourself. Similarly, stop “should-ing” yourself. It’s okay to want to make changes in life and want to challenge yourself to do better, but don’t put unreasonable expectations on yourself. Self compassion softens you. You unfurl your brow, you lower your shoulders. This ease with yourself shines through and helps you to age gracefully.

You know what else softens you? Doing the inner work: processing your emotions, feeling them instead of fixing, denying, or covering them. Once you do this work, you relax physically – your shoulders lower, your jaw unclenches, your gut is at peace. You aren’t in a constant state of fight or flight and needing to protect yourself. In general, doing the hard thing over and over helps you to age gracefully. I’m not talking just about things that are physically hard like exercise and eating healthy, although those things are good! I’m talking about being emotionally honest with yourself, I’m talking about getting out of bed every morning when you don’t want to (or even have to). I’m talking about leaning into your healthy habits even when life circumstances start spiraling.

Something else that I have found to be so important is to prioritize rest. Making time for rest is not being lazy. Rest gives your body time to repair. Your physical body, but also your mind and your emotions. When you prioritize rest, you must be intentional with your time. A couple years ago I felt like God was calling me to take a true sabbath. I was working 7 days a week and often felt exhausted or burnt out. Now that I take Sundays off from working, I must be intentional with the other 6 days.

Even though I wanted to focus on things other than the obvious things that will help us age gracefully, let’s talk about exercise. When you age gracefully you learn to shift the focus from a certain body size to exercise for your mental health, appreciating the fact that your body can move. This is certainly not easy as we are undoing decades of programming from society. But this mindset shift is so important and honestly just freeing! No longer exercising because we ate a piece of cake or because we want to fit in a certain size of jeans, and instead habitually moving your body because it makes you stronger and more energized! When you learn to move with your body instead of against it you unlock a freedom you have not known!

Lastly, aging gracefully comes from living with integrity, heart, and contentment. When your actions and habits are in alignment with your values and priorities, you show up in this world in a different kind of way. You shine brightly because you are living in freedom. This kind of peace slows down the aging process! 

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

REFRAMING YOUR IDEA OF SUCCESS

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about a quote I shared on Instagram earlier this week. I am often so inspired by quotes, so I like to share them with you and chat in more detail about what it means to me. The quote is from Vincent Van Gogh and says, “If I am worth anything later, I am worth something now. For wheat is wheat, even if people think it is grass in the beginning.”

I was curious as to whether Van Gogh actually said this quote, or where it originated. As is common on the internet, there were conflicting beliefs about whether this was a Van Gogh quote, but the most common information I saw was that it was from a letter he sent to his brother Theo where he was predicting that he, like many other artists, may become famous after death. I’m not sure the timeline of when Van Gogh’s work became popular, but I can assure you that he painted a lot of artwork that was not of notable importance. It reminded me that becoming successful takes time. Yes, there are a few who experience overnight success, but for a majority of people success takes trial and error, hard work, consistency, and time.

I think this idea that success takes time is not popular. We live in a time where everything is fast, easy to acquire, right at our fingertips. We can find information easily, communicate with others quickly even if they live across the country or across the world, and buy things with one click. We must accept that success is something  worth working towards. We must accept that we will have to put in the hard work consistently to get to where we want to be. It usually does not happen overnight.

Oftentimes, when we see someone who is experiencing success in their lives, we see the success – where they are now. But we don’t see what it took to get there. It’s a process. We see the wheat, but we did not see the stage where they looked like grass. Even in those earlier stages where they had failures and setbacks, they still were on that trajectory to becoming wheat! The difficult part is we never know how long that path of failures, set backs, and learning will take. And I think so often even when we reach success, we are still looking for something more. Many of us have that “what now” feeling when we have achieved a milestone or goal.

Because it is human nature to look towards the next achievement, it is important to learn to be at peace with where you are. Believe me, I know how hard this can be. I still sometimes struggle with this, looking towards the future instead of just enjoying where I am now. As I look back at my life, I do think I wished some of my life away waiting for the next stage. Finding peace in your current stage of life can happen when you stop resisting where you are. Name the stage you are in. Is this a season of building, healing, transitioning, grieving, growing, or resting? Sometimes naming the stage gives you more grace with yourself to lean into this chapter. Letting go of the “shoulds” – like “I should be further along” or “I should be doing more” – will help you to be more grounded in your stage of life.

As I often share, being present in life is so important. There are many practices that can anchor you to the present. Having healthy routines will help you to stay grounded, like mindfulness or meditation, journaling, exercise, eating healthy, and keeping a regular sleep schedule. All of these things can help you to live in the moment. 

Often when we feel unrest it is because we are trying to control our circumstances. If we can shift our focus from control to curiosity, that will help us to feel more at peace. Instead of trying to problem solve, or just ruminate on how to get out of this stage, ask yourself what this stage is trying to teach you or what are you learning about yourself in this stage. When you shift to curiosity, once again it makes space for grace for yourself in this season. Also, honor your pace. Quit looking at what others are doing and recognize that we are all on our own journey, and that is okay!


Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

HONOR YOUR LIMITS

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday topic I wanted to talk about honoring your limits. I think this is something that is very difficult to do these days. It’s so easy to over-schedule or just spend more time than intended on scrolling or binge watching media.

For those of you who don’t know, I do have a YouTube channel and I always share these thoughts over on my channel in a video. I coincidentally had it on my schedule to share on this topic prior to filming the “day in the life” video I shared this week, but it turned out to be such an appropriate topic on this day. I had a lot that I needed to get done on this day, so I actually didn’t film a lot of active things. I just had a lot of chatty footage. I had planned on cleaning out my laundry room on this day so I would have more cleaning motivation other than the few clips cleaning my dining and living rooms, but I honored my limits and scratched the laundry room off my to-do list for the day!

We all have our limits. Each of us has a different bandwidth to manage responsibilities in life. Some of us need more down time and margin in life, and others can go, go, go! I think it can be difficult sometimes for those of us who have less bandwidth in this age of social media and seeing what other people are doing with their lives and their time. But honestly, so often what we see on social media is curated and may not be the full picture. We must honor our limits so we don’t risk getting burnt out.

I do think there are times we need to and can push ourselves a little more than usual, as long as we can schedule in rest afterwards. There are times where we have to push because of extenuating circumstances, like going on vacation, celebrating birthdays or other holidays, moving, or other situations that are not our usual day to day. The day I filmed this DITL was especially busy for me because the next day I was going to take the day off to go with my girlfriends to a mineral springs spa near Austin, so I wouldn’t be able to get any work done that day. Honestly, this whole week was busy as I was also trying to catch up after being down a couple of days for my routine colonoscopy a couple weeks ago.

This was taken at the Mineral Springs Spa my girlfriends and I went to! Ottine Mineral Springs.

We all have physical limits, and must pay attention to our bodies’ cues to slow down. But we also have relational and emotional limits as well. If you are someone who is an introvert, you will need more time alone to recharge, and that is okay! But you need to honor those limits and realize when you need to recharge. For some people, they can manage several friendships and relationships in general, while others feel more comfortable with just a few close friends. Once again, that is okay! 

Something similar to managing relationships is honoring your emotional bandwidth. Just like some of us have a bigger capacity to manage relationships, some of us have a bigger capacity to manage emotional input. If you find yourself constantly drained by certain people, content, or any input in general, you need to evaluate that to determine if it is something that is pushing your emotional limits. It’s okay to step back or even away from a relationship for a time if that person is taking too much of your emotional energy. It’s okay to unfollow and quit watching content that drains you emotionally. It is not always easy to determine if someone or something is too much for you emotionally, but we must be aware of our emotional bandwidth.

We all have daily responsibilities as adults, so we must evaluate those responsibilities. Are there things that are not as important or urgent that you can eliminate from your list on a given day that you don’t feel you have the bandwidth to carry out? Or can you delegate some of your responsibilities to someone else? Can your spouse, children, or a friend help you with something that needs to get done? I have found it helpful for me to structure my day with the non-negotiables at the front part of the day, then if I still have energy and time I will tackle some of those other things on the list.

It’s not always easy to honor our limits, but in the long run it is good to be aware of our limits and do what we can to honor them. Since I was honoring my own limits and didn’t film that laundry room clean, the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this post is pretty chatty! So if you like that type of content like you’re on a Facetime call with me, go check out that video {{linked above}}! And at the end of that video I share some footage from my day at the mineral springs spa!

THE BENEFITS OF SLOW DECLUTTERING

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For today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about something that might not be a popular or trending idea with regards to decluttering. I wanted to encourage you that it is okay to declutter slowly, over time. It seems in the decluttering genre online, there is a lot of content around decluttering quickly. I see titles like “I decluttered 90% of my possessions in one day.” Or “Follow these easy steps to declutter quickly.” I think it is common in our culture today to want things done quickly and easily, but the most lasting and sustainable results will come from putting in the work. There is no magic pill, no shortcuts! You have to put in the reps!

There are several reasons why I think decluttering slowly could be more beneficial than decluttering quickly. The first reason is just a practical one: time. We all only have so much time in a day. Many of us have full and busy lives and don’t have large chunks of time to set aside to declutter. It is much easier to declutter a little bit at a time. If we just set aside even 10-15 minutes a week to declutter, we are more likely to get it done because that feels more manageable than spending half the day decluttering.

Another reason it is good to declutter slowly is the reality of decision fatigue. Just like we only have so much time in a day, we each only have so much brain bandwidth to make decisions. I’m sure we have all experienced days where we were exhausted just from all the little decisions (or big ones) we were making all day long. When decluttering a lot of items at once, that is obviously a lot of decisions. At some point we reach a place where our decisions aren’t as clear or confident as they were at the beginning of the day. When we declutter a little at a time, we give our brains time to rest. 

Adjacent to this idea that our decisions might not be as sharp when we declutter quickly is we are less likely to replace the stuff we decluttered when we declutter slowly. Our decisions are more informed and it gives us time to really determine what we are loving and using. Sometimes when we declutter quickly, we have regrets about some of the things we let go of and then we want to replace them. Not only is this is a waste of money, but also is not eco-friendly as some of those items may have ended up in a landfill. On the other hand, we may just feel the need to fill up our spaces when we declutter a lot at once. It can be a shock to go from having a lot of possessions to little possessions, and this could fuel a desire to purchase more.

Lastly, decluttering slowly builds decluttering muscles in a more sustainable way so that regular decluttering becomes a habit. Decluttering slowly gives you time to really learn the skill of decluttering. It gives you time to evaluate what you really use and love.

Don’t get me wrong, I think there is a place for decluttering large quantities at once. Maybe you are moving and need to declutter a lot at once, maybe a loved one has passed away and you need to go through their things and declutter a lot. My point here is that for the average home, it might serve you better to declutter slowly over time.

If you follow me on YouTube, you might have noticed I KEEP DECLUTTERING on my channel. I really thought I had gotten to a good homeostasis point, but I realize it is just because I am decluttering slowly that I am still going. Even with doing a no buy year and bringing less into my home this year, I am still finding things to declutter. I’m finding things over time that I realize I thought I used or I thought I really loved, but in reality I don’t. I have kind of wondered if maybe not bringing things into my home has given me the time, brain bandwidth, and awareness of my stuff to make more ruthless decisions! This is also a reminder that it may take several passes in each area of your home, so keep decluttering!

The video I shared on YouTube in conjunction with this blog post.

NO BUY YEAR JULY RECAP

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Okay friends, this is the last Thursday of the month, so that means I’m sharing my thoughts on how my no buy year has been going so far and for this month. I didn’t share a post in June because things were just kind of going along smoothly and there really wasn’t much to share. I think it helped that I had two get-aways during that month – one to celebrate my husband’s birthday and then another to visit friends in Tucson, and so I think I was distracted from being tempted by buying things. With that said, I will say right up front that I failed AGAIN this month! I will share more about the details and also talk about why I think this month was so hard for me.

I shared in May that I purchased a couple items of clothing, so I felt like I failed in May. Although I was able to somewhat make the excuse that I purchased the items for my trip to Tucson. I didn’t have a caveat for trips in my rules because I didn’t even know I was going to plan that trip. Well, once again I purchased a couple of items of clothing. One was a skirt that was very similar to a skirt I borrowed from my daughter and really loved! And I decided to purchase a second item to get free shipping – now that’s just being wise with my money right?? But the only justification I have for this purchase is that the skirt was on sale and that really got me. Also, I purchased it from a boutique where they don’t restock items. Once they sell out it’s gone. I knew I would like it because I loved my daughter’s skirt. But I still consider this a fail for me for this month. I will say, the further I get into the year, the more difficult it becomes to stick to my rules.

I don’t want to make excuses as to why I cheated this month. I will take full ownership that I failed. One lesson I have learned in life (that is still hard for me as a recovering perfectionist) is that failure isn’t all that bad. Failure leads to learning and growth, that is if we allow it to. I always like to evaluate my failures so I can make better choices moving forward and so I can see the lesson in it. This month has been tough for me. There have been lots of changes happening, most of them are good changes but it’s difficult for me to deal with change. I have backed off on posting on YouTube as I have decided to pursue growing my organizing business again, and while this is a good thing, it is a change. There are a couple of other things going on in my personal life that are also creating changes, but again all good things! With these changes, it has caused my anxiety to spike and my overthinking and rumination to move into high gear. As I have mentioned before, shopping is definitely one of those vices I run to when I am feeling stressed. All month long I have struggled with looking at clothes online – walking right into the place of temptation – instead of choosing healthier ways to handle my stress. So the lesson learned is that I need to not mindlessly do things, but to be aware of when I am feeling that stress, or at least aware when I am starting to run back to familiar places for comfort.

One of the reasons I did a no buy year was in order to really deal with this habit I have of shopping to feel better or to alleviate stress. So I must be more on guard and aware of those moments so I can choose a healthier option for dealing with my stress. This is a difficult thing for me because I do tend towards perfectionism… can we really always make good and healthy choices, or is there a balance in there? Let me know your input down in the comments.

I did want to share a win with you today! Last week I went into Home Goods to look for some coffee syrup. Random side note here, but this is a great place to find coffee syrups at a discounted price! But I noticed while I was there, that I was not at all tempted to look through home decor, blankets, or pillows. While in the past I might have been tempted to look, this time I was not and it was quite the contrary… instead I really was repulsed by the idea of bringing more things home. I don’t know why I don’t feel this way about clothes yet! Make it make sense! BUT, back to my trip to Home Goods. I was browsing through the food, and then I went to the section with organizing tools, just to see what kinds of things are available in case this is somewhere I might want to shop for clients. This was on a Sunday, so the place was packed. People everywhere pushing carts full of stuff. I couldn’t help but feel like I had taken the proverbial “red pill” (IYKYK) and was aware of the truth. The truth that none of this stuff would make you happy. As a matter of fact, once you walk away with your purchase the dopamine hit is done. Did you know that dopamine is released during the actual shopping part – it’s the thrill of the hunt, which is human nature. But shopping is short-form dopamine, meaning that up feeling won’t last long. And then you are left with this item or these items that you now need to take care of – clean, organize, and maybe one day make a decision about decluttering it. It’s a silly cycle that happens if you think about it. You want that dopamine rush so you shop, but once you purchase it and bring it home that rush is over, then you declutter to make space for more stuff. I want off this crazy merry-go-round! Not that I will never buy things again, but it’s just good to be aware of all of this! And we work hard to make this money that we are basically using to buy stuff that we often don’t need and it creates more work for us!

Okay my friends, that is all I have to share for this month’s no buy year recap. As always, I love to hear your thoughts on my thoughts so let me know down in the comments.

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

QUIT MAKING EXCUSES

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Hey friends! I know it’s been a while since I posted here! Life has been busy, and it is just now slowing down! For today’s Thoughtful Thursday topic I wanted to encourage you to quit making excuses. Please know that when I tackle topics like this that sound a little judgy – I am talking to myself too. I have said this before: these posts are just as much to encourage me as it is to encourage you!

I think it is human nature to make excuses for why we don’t do certain things or why we do certain things in life. It helps us to feel better about ourselves and our choices. We rationalize to comfort us when we fall short, and to protect our egos from failure. But one thing I have noticed for myself is that it can be helpful to be an observer of your thoughts (or even what you say) to really determine if you truly are living authentically, or if you are just making excuses to not do things that could help you to learn and grow. I’ll give you an example. I want to read more. I have been wanting to read more for years. Yet when I talk to people about wanting to read more, I tend to immediately make excuses for why I don’t read more. I blame my high energy and how it’s hard for me to sit still, my perimenopause induced ADHD which causes a lack of focus, or how I feel unproductive when I just sit and read. The truth is, I lack the discipline to make reading a more regular part of my routines. It would be one thing if I just accepted that I don’t have the discipline, but instead I make excuses so I don’t feel bad about myself.

Excuses often stem from fear – fear of failure, fear of judgement, or fear of change. When someone says, “I don’t have time to do this or that” what they actually mean is that they don’t want to prioritize it. When someone says, “I’m just not good at this or that” they really mean they don’t want to put in the effort to try that thing and/or they don’t want to risk failure. Excuses can come from a place of victim mentality. We may believe that our circumstances dictate our success or failure. While it’s true that we may have challenges or injustices in our lives, blaming others or our circumstances strips us of our autonomy and the belief that we have the power to change our circumstances.

Making excuses may protect our ego in the short term, but in the long term it sabotages our goals. Excuses prevent us from learning and growing. It can also diminish our self respect. Deep down we may know that we are not being authentic. This inner conflict can lead to anxiety, low self esteem, and lack of motivation. The more someone hides behind excuses, the more they drift from who they truly want to be. When we choose to quit making excuses, it doesn’t deny that life can be hard or that things are not always in your control. It means that while you can’t control everything, you can control your response to things. Taking responsibility instead of making excuses shifts the focus to what you can do instead of what you can’t do.

I have said this phrase so many times: you choose your hard. We often make excuses for why we are not doing the hard thing. But doing the hard thing up front makes the long term easier or at least more enjoyable. Often it’s when we don’t do the hard thing and we make excuses as to why we are not doing the hard thing, that later things actually become more difficult.

Excuses are easy, but progress is hard. If you want to live a life of purpose, achievement, and growth you have to quit making excuses. Stop blaming, stop delaying, and stop doubting. Take responsibility for your choices, your mindset, and your future. It’s not always comfortable, but it’s always worth it. Because the moment you stop making excuses is the moment you start making progress.

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

NO BUY YEAR MAY RECAP

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It is the last Thursday of the month, so that means I am sharing with you my recap for the month of May in my no buy year. And y’all, it was a rough one! I’ve definitely been struggling more as the year progresses. So, I would call the month of May a failure month! I did purchase a few items of clothing this month. Some my conscience could justify, but others I could not really justify. I mean, I have excuses but I felt like it was a failure. As with anything in life, when we fail, the important thing is not that we DID fail, but it’s how you handle the failure. It’s easy to give up when you have a failure. But I think it is important to just keep moving forward with your goals. So, you hit a bump in the road – that is not a reason to give up completely.

Okay, so I’m sure you want to know the details, right? Or maybe I just feel the need to share the details so I can tell you all the reasons why I failed so I feel a little more justified. My first failure was something that I was able to talk myself into being okay. For those of you who don’t follow me on Instagram, I did go to the Malibu Barbie cafe here in Austin with a couple of friends. We were going to all wear pink, as you do to a Barbie cafe. I only own two pink shirts and both of them are very muted pink, not very Barbie like. So I decided I would go thrift an outfit for this occasion. One thing I didn’t think of with regards to the no buy year is different occasions that would come up that would require me (or that I would want to) buy clothes for. I did feel better that I was thrifting the clothes. 

So right when I walked into Savers, on the first rack in the front, which was a sale rack, I found a bright pink Barbie shirt! Part of me thought this is perfect. I should just go with this. But did I do that?? No. I thought it would likely work, but I wanted to look for other options. I had in my head an idea of what I wanted. I was thinking of a pink crop top or camisole type top to wear with a skirt. I found a couple of other pink shirts that might have worked, so I grabbed those. Since you can only do exchanges at Savers I decided whatever I didn’t use I could give my daughter to exchange for whatever she wanted because she loves thrifting. I also came across a top that I really loved and it was a good brand in good condition, but also a top I thought my daughter would like so I purchased that as well, although I did end up giving it to my daughter. ALSO, while I was looking in the intimates section for a camisole I came across this slip skirt (really just a slip, but a popular look for skirts right now). It looks very similar to a skirt my daughter has that I have borrowed from her in the past and really love! At the moment I justified purchasing it because I thought I could wear it with one of the tops for the Barbie cafe, but in reality I know I just wanted it! The fact that it cost $7 made it even more difficult to pass up!! I did end up wearing the Barbie shirt, but with a different skirt. I gave the other two shirts to my daughter along with the receipt so she could exchange them for whatever she wanted. I could justify the Barbie shirt, but also buying the skirt I view as a failure for this month. Although, speaking of events – I am going to a concert this week with a friend to see my favorite band perform and I plan on wearing that skirt! Does that justify it??  Probably not, but I like to pretend that it does.

BUT WAIT, there’s more! I will be going to Tucson at the end of June to meet up with some YouTube friends, and I found a couple of things online that I wanted for that trip. Once again, I didn’t make any exceptions for this trip because I actually didn’t know I was going until after the year started. I consider this a failure as well though because I know I didn’t really NEED anything new for this trip. I just WANTED something new. Let me know if you are the type who buys new clothes for trips! But I think the reality is, I am just struggling as the year progresses. I’m finding it more difficult to resist the temptation to buy things. I also think that it is a slippery slope, and this is true for anything in life. When we give into our temptations, I feel like it makes it easier to say yes the next time. Perhaps that is what was happening for me after purchasing the skirt, my inhibitions were lowered.

This is the skirt I purchased at Savers.

Lastly, I did purchase a rug and drapes for my kitchen nook makeover. At first I did not feel like this was a failure because it’s not exactly home decor. But after talking it through with friends, I realized that I was maybe just shifting my spending to items for a makeover instead of clothes or home decor. Which now we know isn’t fully the case since I also purchased clothes this month! I did also want to purchase some dining chairs for the space, but I will not be purchasing those for now. But stay tuned to see that makeover video hopefully coming up this month!

Whenever we get derailed from our goals, all we can do is start over the next day. I failed this month, but I’m going to get back at it starting today! If you want to continue to follow my progress be sure to follow my blog!

The YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

ELIMINATING BAD HABITS FOR GOOD

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to share something that I have been processing this week with friends. I recently watched a video which unpacked the idea of why we struggle to eliminate our bad habits. He suggested that we indulge in these bad habits as a coping mechanism. We all have psychological needs that need to be met. When these needs are not being met, we tend to turn to the quick comfort. And unfortunately the way our society is now, there is no shortage of quick dopamine hits!

If you have been around a while, you may know that I am doing a no buy year in 2025. I debrief on how each month is going on the last Thursday of the month, so you can hear all about May next week! Spoiler alert: it’s juicy! You will want to check out that post! But in addition to that I have also been doing another challenge each month. In April I did a minimalist closet challenge which actually bled into the first part of May because I was so busy with travel at the end of April and then the beginning of May. And because I was busy with these trips I ended up not coming up with a challenge for May! But I started thinking about these challenges and even my no buy year. For several of my challenges so far this year I have been eliminating bad habits from my life – no alcohol, no sugar, no shopping. As I evaluated these challenges and the idea behind it, I realized it’s not actually dealing with the deeper issue of these unmet needs. Just removing a bad habit for a month (or even a year in the case of my no buy year) does not deal with the deeper issue. It is just a momentary act of discipline. We can’t just remove bad habits from our lives, we need to replace them with something else. We need to replace them with healthy ways of meeting those psychological needs. 

This is certainly not easy or a quick fix. It takes a lot of self reflection, determining what are those unmet needs. Then we must think of healthy habits that can replace the unhealthy habits to meet those needs. It’s also about acknowledging that these quick comfort habits release dopamine in the short term, but often leave us wanting. Incorporating habits that have long form dopamine will be more beneficial in the long run. It’s not easy to think about the long term when you are just trying to deal with the moment and finding comfort or peace in the moment. But we must parent ourselves in the moment and say, “No. This is not what you need now.”

When we try to implement different habits or different routines in life we must think about what is the source of our self discipline? Is it self love or self hatred? If we make changes in life through the perspective of doing it for self love, it is more likely to be sustainable in the long run. In every decision in life we should ask ourselves: Is this good for me? Is this good for my family, my friends, or other people in my life? – then we are more likely to stick to our healthy habits. When we do things out of punishing ourselves, it will perpetuate shame and we will constantly be at battle with ourselves.

Something else I wanted to talk about with regards to this topic is the importance of relationships. The primary way we get our needs met is through relationships. Dr. Mark Hyman, whom I follow on Instagram, has shared data on the importance of relationships in our lives. In one post he stated: “Loneliness is as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day – it raises cortisol, weakens immunity, and accelerates aging at the cellular level. But science proves that meaningful relationships lower stress, boost oxytocin, and even activate genes that protect against disease. Connection is truly medicine.” This is evidence that it is so important to foster healthy relationships! I also think it is important to evaluate if you have toxic people in your life and either cut those relationships off, or I know with some people you can’t completely cut them out of your life but you can control how often you interact. If you have problems in close relationships like your spouse, parents, or children, I think it is so important to actively work on repairing those relationships and getting professionals involved if necessary, doing your part to turn the relationship in a healthy direction.

That is all I have for today’s post. I would love to hear your thoughts on this idea of digging deeper and evaluating your needs and meeting them in a healthy way. If you’re still here with me and this resonates with you, type the phrase self love down in the comments. We need to make decisions based on self love, and I think this will truly guide us towards handling things in a healthy way.

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this post.