inspiring talk

WHEN THINGS DON’T GO AS PLANNED

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I thought I would talk about when things don’t go as planned. I decided to share on this topic as it was on the forefront of my mind the other day when lots of things did not go as planned that day. My new workout routine took longer than expected, I was not able to accomplish the task that I have been trying to get off my to do list for weeks, and then a stomach ache derailed my afternoon!

I used to be the type of person who really did not like it when plans changed or things didn’t go as I expected them to go. I’m not sure when it was that I finally learned that if I hold my expectations loosely, life is a lot more enjoyable. It reduced stress and anxiety, and just made me a happier person in general. It wasn’t easy for me to get to that place since my personality is someone who likes structure, consistency, and routines. But honestly, raising 3 kids and two dogs, and having a husband who arguably has an opposite personality, has trained me to be flexible. Weirdly, as a kid I was very much a go with the flow laid back type. I think it was maybe in high school that I really started to become someone who liked the structure more.

One thing I did want to share with regards to things not going as planned, is how it affects relationships. Holding our expectations loosely will help in our relationships. If we cling to our expectations, it can cause strife and frustration in our relationships, which can ultimately lead to resentment. When we are open to things going differently than planned, we have a much more laid back approach to life and those curve balls don’t affect us as much. We are willing to pivot and move forward with the new plans or the new path.

A trick that I use for myself is to look for the silver linings in the plans changing. Instead of focusing on all the reasons it sucks that things didn’t go as planned, focus on the reasons it was good that plans changed. It’s never fun to not feel good like when I got a stomach ache the other day, but I did think to myself that maybe my body needed more rest. I was grateful that my life is flexible enough right now to take an afternoon nap and let my body heal. Shifting our focus to the positive is always helpful!

When things don’t go as planned it can also provide us an opportunity to reevaluate the plans in the first place! This could be a great opportunity to evaluate how you are spending your time and do an audit. Are there things you are doing that have a low impact in the long run? Could you devote more time to more high impact activities? Meaning, are there things that you could focus on to better achieve your goals or that line up better with your values and true priorities? Of course there are everyday life things that need to get done, but this could be a good time to evaluate what’s important!

Ultimately I think it would benefit us to view when things don’t go as planned as a positive thing. Maybe this is just me, but when you are running late or you get stuck behind a slow car, or stopped by a train, or anything that slows you down towards your goal for that moment – do you ever think that you are being protected from something? Maybe this is just my morbid way of thinking, but instead of getting annoyed I think to myself maybe I was protected from getting into an accident! We have a choice every day to view things from a positive lens, or a negative one. I know for some people it doesn’t come as naturally to view things positively. I fully recognize that I have always been a glass half full sort of person, so perhaps it is easier for me. But I do think we all have the choice on how we will view every situation we encounter. And I think it is always better to view things from a positive mindset.

Here is the Day in the Life YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.


MAKING CHANGES

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about making changes in life. Lately I have been thinking about this because I feel like I have not been as disciplined as I would like to be in several areas in life. Often I feel like once we start compromising in one area of life it seems to seep over into other areas. I am all for self care and rest, but lately I have had a lot on my plate emotionally and I think I have used that as an excuse to be more lax with myself. It’s never easy to change habits, but sometimes it’s necessary.

I think one of the most important life skills is to learn to intentionally challenge yourself. Intentionally find ways to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. It can be easy to fall into some lazy habits, and for me lately I feel like I’ve fallen into some lazy habits. Choosing to intentionally challenge yourself can get you out of that rut. Maybe there is some sort of morning routine challenge you could do, or diet challenge, or workout challenge. I’m going to be leaving soon to go on another trip and I have decided for the next 10 days I’m focusing on eating more whole foods, less processed food and sugar, and cutting alcohol out of my diet. My diet is one area where I do feel like I have become more lax, so this is a way to reset my habits. When we intentionally challenge ourselves it also keeps life more interesting and breaks up the mundane.

You might not even be aware of what needs to change in your life. That is why I find self awareness and self reflection to be such important habits to cultivate in your life. You don’t know what to change if you aren’t self aware. It can be easy to just go through the motions in life instead of being present and conscious of your habits. Set aside time in your day, even if it’s for 10 minutes, for self reflection. Journaling is a great practice to help facilitate self reflection. Self awareness is the first step towards making changes and becoming a better version of yourself!

We should want to continuously seek ways to become the best versions of ourselves. In this process, giving yourself grace is so important! When you are on a journey towards being the best person you can be, you need to accept that there are days where you will backslide. It is human nature to take two steps forward and one step back. Don’t beat yourself up if you have a bad day or a few bad days, or even a few bad weeks! As long as you are slowly progressing towards better, that is all that matters. Every day is a new opportunity to do the next right thing!

In my opinion, we become our best selves by ever evolving and ever changing. We become our best selves through personal growth. Growth is not easy, but it is rewarding! We must continue to remind ourselves of that truth, and that will help us to keep pushing forward!

Here is the YouTube video I created in conjunction with this blog post.

GOD IS THERE

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Okay friends, if you have been around for a while and have heard my Thoughtful Thursday thoughts, you might know that I share a variety of things. Some weeks I’m thinking about decluttering or organizing, and other weeks I’m thinking about more serious or deeper things. I like to share it all!

If you follow me on Instagram, you might have seen that over last weekend I went on a women’s retreat with my church. Because of that, I have been really processing everything I learned over the weekend and wanted to share with you. Admittedly I hesitated to share this, because I know faith based content doesn’t resonate with everyone, but I was really feeling like I was supposed to share this. Even if it is to encourage one person. I don’t often share this vulnerably, so this is outside of my comfort zone, but I know that is good to do from time to time.

First I wanted to share that while on the retreat I felt a little frustrated or disappointed. I usually feel spiritually energized on women’s retreats. But this weekend was different. I was not “feeling it” so to speak. I was not feeling as emotional as I typically feel on a retreat. In hindsight I realized that I was really absorbing it all, because over the last few days I have really been processing and feeling very spiritually renewed! It’s funny that I would use that word renewed because that was the theme of the retreat! I think while I was there it was hard to really process everything because I wasn’t getting as much sleep as I usually do, I wasn’t eating as healthy as I usually do, and I wasn’t able to exercise.

In addition to that, I think my mind was distracted. Being on this trip made me realize how addicted I am to my phone. Although I don’t necessarily mindlessly scroll on social media apps a lot, I do mindlessly open social media apps to respond to comments, look for likes, and read chats I am a part of. After this weekend, I have decided to set up boundaries on social media. I used to not get on social media at all on Sundays as part of my day off, but somehow that crept back in as I wanted to keep up with chats. I decided to get back to no social media on Sundays. I have also been practicing just leaving my phone in another room so I’m not constantly inundating myself with media while I work.

The main thing that one of the speakers said that really resonated with me was the idea that it is okay if you feel like you are in a season of God being quiet. You may look around and feel like God is being so loud with other people – they seem to be experiencing Him emotionally, or they seem more passionate about their faith. But just because God is quiet, doesn’t mean He’s not working and it doesn’t mean He is not present. He IS still working and present in your circumstances. This really resonated with me since like I said, I was not feeling emotional on this retreat.

One of the speakers shared the analogy of a tree in the winter. What we see when we look at that tree is bareness. It is stripped of its leaves and it almost looks dead. But did you know that it is in the winter season that a tree’s roots grow deeper? This is the season for the tree to grow deeper to find the water. We are the same way – it is in the season of bareness that we can grow deeper in our faith. Sometimes it’s in this season of bareness or season of difficulty when everything is being stripped away from us that we can more accurately see what unhealthy thing we are turning to in order to fill the void in our lives. Because of my faith, I believe that God is the place I should be turning to for comfort, peace, joy, contentment. So often we think other things – like social media, entertainment, food, alcohol, shopping, you name it – will give us those positive feelings, but those things always leave us wanting.

The other big takeaway from this weekend is this idea that God is there. He is present even amidst the trials I’m going through. I know I don’t share in detail some of the things I have been going through the last several years, but I really think boundaries online are important. Nevertheless, I have been going through some tough things. I didn’t realize just how much until one time I was talking to my therapist and listing everything that has happened in the last five years, and listing it all together I realized it was a lot. All through this time I had been praying – for the situations and the people involved in those situations. I prayed alone, and I prayed with friends. And I’ll be honest, I started to feel really discouraged, wondering if God could hear me anymore. Feeling like God was… quiet. BUT, over the past few months I have started to see movement. I have started to see the answering of longstanding prayers. Years of prayers! We often don’t see what God is doing until we are looking through the lens of hindsight.

As I was processing this weekend, I kept thinking about God’s timing. How His timing is better than my timing. How I had learned so much in the past several years – about myself, about relationships, about people. I have grown so much as a person, and I wouldn’t trade that for the comfortable life I thought I wanted. God IS present, even in the quietness, even in the trials. He is there.

Well friends, I know this was a heavy chat today. If you stuck with me through this, I just wanted to thank you for allowing me to process the experience I had this past weekend. As always, I love to hear your thoughts too. Let me know your thoughts in the comments on what I shared today, even if there is something you disagree with me on or something you’re questioning. I’m open to dialogue about it! I wanted to share a worship song that we sang over the weekend that was really meaningful to me. The title is Make Room. Today I’m making room for whatever God wants to do in my life and I trust that He can still work amidst the trials!

Check out the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post!

HOW TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

Okay friends, for this week’s Thoughtful Thursday post I want to talk about a bit of a tough subject, and that is conflict resolution. I wanted to talk about the importance of conflict resolution and to share some healthy and unhealthy ways people tend to deal with conflict in life. We have all had to deal with difficult relationships or situations in life that require conflict resolution skills. Really no one can escape dealing with conflict at some point in life because we are all flawed, imperfect humans.

First I wanted to share the four ways people tend to deal with conflict, which I learned from a therapist. There is the conflict avoider, which is avoiding the conflict at all costs and appeasing others to do so. There is the passive aggressive approach, where the person makes snide or underhanded comments to try to convey their opinion. There is the aggressive approach where the person is overbearing in sharing their opinions and often raises their voice or looks visibly agitated. And the fourth is the assertive approach, which is the most effective and healthy way to communicate opinions, needs, or concerns. The assertive person shares in a respectful and loving way but is able to confidently address the issue at hand.

I will share that for most of my life I was an avoidant. And admittedly, I still avoid conflict with certain people or in certain situations. But as I have aged I have learned that sometimes when we avoid, that leaves us feeling frustrated, angry, and/or resentful. I got to a point in life where I did not want to continue to live in such a way that others were in control of my emotions. Being a conflict avoidant person goes hand in hand with being a people pleaser because you don’t want people to be upset with you, and you don’t want people to feel uncomfortable in general. But I would argue that it develops deeper and more meaningful relationships when we are able to share our hurts, opinions, and needs. There may be times when you can overlook an offense and move on, but you must really evaluate if you are overlooking and moving on just to keep the peace and you actually still hold onto resentment towards someone, or if you have truly let it go.

Next is the person who is passive aggressive about their hurts, opinions, or needs. This person can be very difficult to deal with. This type of person leaves you to read between the lines in trying to decipher what they are saying. They often feel like they have said enough that the other person should be able to figure out what they mean. But we can’t read their minds! The reality is, if you have a problem with someone and you don’t clearly and concisely address it – you can’t blame them for not doing anything. Only you are responsible for your own thoughts and feelings. If there is something you can’t let go, you must address it because people can’t read your mind.

The person who is aggressive can be just as difficult to deal with. Although they may be sharing their thoughts and feelings openly, they often do it in such a way that places blame – using “you” statements instead of “I” statements. They tend to not take ownership of their feelings, but instead blame others for their feelings or for the situation being the way it is. I don’t know if you have ever encountered someone who is aggressive in communicating, but it can be very unnerving and can cause a lot of anxiety which in turn hurts the relationship. People tend to begin to fear those who communicate aggressively, leaving that person more likely isolated as others don’t want to have conflict with them. Their relationships can then become very shallow.

Obviously, the best and most healthy way to handle conflict is assertively. When you share your needs or concerns in a gentle way, using “I” statement (like “I feel blank because of this fill in the blank situation”), it is more likely to be well received. I am forever thankful for the amazing girlfriends I have here in my neighborhood. Several of them do this assertive communication so well, and it has taught me that it is okay and safe to share my thoughts and opinions too. It does take practice and you won’t always do it perfectly, but hopefully the person on the receiving end will have enough grace for you as you do your best to convey things in a kind and loving way.

Being assertive builds stronger bonds in relationships as you are able to be authentically yourselves with one another. I don’t know about you, but I think it feels so good to be in relationships where I am seen and heard. It makes me feel closer to the friend or family member when I’m able to be vulnerable like this. Even if it’s not intuitive for me, I still choose to find the bravery I need to address what needs to be addressed. And if they are genuine and true friends, they will receive your concerns thoughtfully and with grace. Even if in the end you agree to disagree, that’s okay too!

Well friends, I know this was a rough one – well, really it was just a rough thing for me to hear and learn to make healthy changes in my own life. I hope this chat was encouraging for you today! Please let me know your thoughts on this topic in the comments!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post!

DO ORDINARY THINGS IN AN EXTRAORDINARY WAY

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Hey friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about a quote I posted over in my Instagram feed this week. The quote says, “The true call of a Christian is not to do extraordinary things, but to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.” This quote is from Dean Stanley, an Anglican priest from the 1800’s. Although he speaks in terms of a Christian having this life ethic, I think this could apply to anyone. Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.

I think it is easy to feel like what we are doing with our lives doesn’t matter. We can feel like these little mundane day to day tasks aren’t making a difference and we wonder if there is something grand we should be doing with our lives. This quote reminds us that we can do an extraordinary job right where our feet are planted. Sometimes we get so caught up in dreaming about what we should be doing that we don’t look at the opportunities right in front of us! 

Living an extraordinary life does not always include performing grand acts as defined by our culture. Living an extraordinary life happens when we are fully present in ordinary moments in life, being able to fully appreciate the moment for what it is. I talk often on my social media about living intentionally. Part of living intentionally is recognizing the importance of the mundane. These everyday ordinary moments make up the whole of our lives. When we approach these moments with mindfulness and enthusiasm, we then can uncover this extraordinary meaning in the mundane. Whether it’s taking care of children, preparing a meal, cleaning the bathroom, or engaging in conversations, we can find these experiences extraordinary when we infuse these moments with passion, creativity, and attention to detail.

In order to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way, we must approach each task, regardless of what it is, with a commitment to excellence and attention to detail. So many of our daily tasks can become mundane. When tasks become part of everyday routines or habits we can begin to do them on autopilot instead of living in the moment. These simple everyday tasks like exercising, making our beds, or answering emails can be done with precision and care and have a remarkable impact on the people around us as well as our internal thoughts. It is through this attention to detail that we begin to develop a reputation for excellence as we demonstrate that we go above and beyond in everything we do. 

When ordinary actions are carried out in an extraordinary way, the ripple effect it has on others can be profound. Especially if you are a mother with little eyes on you – they will absorb this work ethic. I can tell you, now having young adult children, that what you do is far more important than what you say. By infusing our daily interactions with kindness, empathy, and genuine interest, we have the power to positively influence those around us. Ordinary conversations can become extraordinary when we are present in the conversation – actively listening, offering support, and providing encouragement. Not only does this provide more meaningful connections, but it could also inspire that person to pursue their own extraordinary path.

In addition to these external benefits of doing ordinary things in an extraordinary way, there are also internal benefits. As we challenge ourselves to approach everyday, routine tasks with a growth mind-set and a commitment to self-improvement, we will begin to change the internal as well. This can push us to become more creative or expand our potential. We speak to ourselves more than anyone else speaks to us. We must be aware of the things we are saying to ourselves and redirect this belief that the ordinary is unimportant. We can choose to create a life of purpose and meaning through making the ordinary truly extraordinary.

As a homemaker, I have always pursued the work I do here in my home with excellence. I’m thankful to my parents who taught us high work ethic and to value putting in our full effort in anything that we did. I have not always done this perfectly and I know there have been days or even seasons in my life as a homemaker that I was just trying to make it through each day.

I wanted to share a story with you to remind you that while I fully believe in doing ordinary things in extraordinary ways, I acknowledge that this isn’t always easy. The year our daughter, who is our oldest child, graduated from high school was the same year our middle son graduated middle school and our youngest graduated elementary school. I’m not sure how the cosmos aligned to create this kind of upheaval of change in our lives, but this is nevertheless how it played out for us. That spring was tough for sure, and I think maybe in hindsight we should have invested stock in Kleenex before hitting this phase of life. But nothing would prepare me for what happened the following fall when the new routines set in, with all three of our kids in a new season of life.

That year was really rough for me mentally, which is probably not surprising. I wasn’t officially diagnosed with depression, but my behavior pointed to a depressive season of life. I felt lost, which made me not want to pursue things I used to love doing. In the fall of the following year, a local boutique owner reached out to me to see if I would like to work for her. I was a regular in her boutique and we had developed a friendship through my visits. I worked for her for a year and a half, and so appreciated that time which pulled me out of my funk and gave me new purpose and inspiration in life again. I actually quit working for her to start up my own business as a professional organizer!

We may go through days or even seasons in life that it is difficult to be present and to pursue our work with excellence, however we must keep pressing forward reminding ourselves that we can be extraordinary wherever our feet are planted!

The YouTube video I posted in conjunction with this blog post.