Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to share something that I have been processing this week with friends. I recently watched a video which unpacked the idea of why we struggle to eliminate our bad habits. He suggested that we indulge in these bad habits as a coping mechanism. We all have psychological needs that need to be met. When these needs are not being met, we tend to turn to the quick comfort. And unfortunately the way our society is now, there is no shortage of quick dopamine hits!

If you have been around a while, you may know that I am doing a no buy year in 2025. I debrief on how each month is going on the last Thursday of the month, so you can hear all about May next week! Spoiler alert: it’s juicy! You will want to check out that post! But in addition to that I have also been doing another challenge each month. In April I did a minimalist closet challenge which actually bled into the first part of May because I was so busy with travel at the end of April and then the beginning of May. And because I was busy with these trips I ended up not coming up with a challenge for May! But I started thinking about these challenges and even my no buy year. For several of my challenges so far this year I have been eliminating bad habits from my life – no alcohol, no sugar, no shopping. As I evaluated these challenges and the idea behind it, I realized it’s not actually dealing with the deeper issue of these unmet needs. Just removing a bad habit for a month (or even a year in the case of my no buy year) does not deal with the deeper issue. It is just a momentary act of discipline. We can’t just remove bad habits from our lives, we need to replace them with something else. We need to replace them with healthy ways of meeting those psychological needs. 

This is certainly not easy or a quick fix. It takes a lot of self reflection, determining what are those unmet needs. Then we must think of healthy habits that can replace the unhealthy habits to meet those needs. It’s also about acknowledging that these quick comfort habits release dopamine in the short term, but often leave us wanting. Incorporating habits that have long form dopamine will be more beneficial in the long run. It’s not easy to think about the long term when you are just trying to deal with the moment and finding comfort or peace in the moment. But we must parent ourselves in the moment and say, “No. This is not what you need now.”

When we try to implement different habits or different routines in life we must think about what is the source of our self discipline? Is it self love or self hatred? If we make changes in life through the perspective of doing it for self love, it is more likely to be sustainable in the long run. In every decision in life we should ask ourselves: Is this good for me? Is this good for my family, my friends, or other people in my life? – then we are more likely to stick to our healthy habits. When we do things out of punishing ourselves, it will perpetuate shame and we will constantly be at battle with ourselves.

Something else I wanted to talk about with regards to this topic is the importance of relationships. The primary way we get our needs met is through relationships. Dr. Mark Hyman, whom I follow on Instagram, has shared data on the importance of relationships in our lives. In one post he stated: “Loneliness is as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day – it raises cortisol, weakens immunity, and accelerates aging at the cellular level. But science proves that meaningful relationships lower stress, boost oxytocin, and even activate genes that protect against disease. Connection is truly medicine.” This is evidence that it is so important to foster healthy relationships! I also think it is important to evaluate if you have toxic people in your life and either cut those relationships off, or I know with some people you can’t completely cut them out of your life but you can control how often you interact. If you have problems in close relationships like your spouse, parents, or children, I think it is so important to actively work on repairing those relationships and getting professionals involved if necessary, doing your part to turn the relationship in a healthy direction.

That is all I have for today’s post. I would love to hear your thoughts on this idea of digging deeper and evaluating your needs and meeting them in a healthy way. If you’re still here with me and this resonates with you, type the phrase self love down in the comments. We need to make decisions based on self love, and I think this will truly guide us towards handling things in a healthy way.