Author: OrganizedWithJoy

COMFORT CULTURE + WHY PAIN IS IMPORTANT

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about comfort culture and why it’s dangerous. Somewhat adjacent to that idea, I wanted to talk about the importance of pain in our lives!

So before I get into this conversation I feel like I need to make a disclaimer. I want to acknowledge that dealing with pain – whether physical or emotional – is challenging. I don’t want to minimize what some of you may be going through on a daily basis. Also, putting yourself through pain and discomfort just for the sake of it with no goal in mind is not necessarily beneficial. We do not need to be martyrs. But I will get into that pain/pleasure balance later. 

The first thing I wanted to talk about is self care. I feel like in our culture these days there are a lot of people promoting self care and the importance of self care. However, often I think this term “self care” is shared more in the context of self indulgence. Like: take a bath, get your nails done, get your hair done, go on a shopping spree, buy that fancy coffee. I would like to argue that self care is not always self indulgence. Self care is not always something that feels comfortable. In my opinion, a lot of healthy self care is not comfortable or easy. Take exercise for example. Moving your body every day is self care. Quite literally taking care of yourself. Can self care be those more indulgent or comfortable things? Of course! But I want to encourage you to think of ways you can take care of your body – self care – on a daily basis! Like exercise, getting plenty of rest, eating healthy foods, or other healthy habits.

Next, I wanted to get back to that pain/pleasure balance. The other day I watched this really fascinating video on YouTube about finding balance in this age of indulgence. It was shared on a YouTube channel I really enjoy, After Skool. I will do my best to concisely explain what the doctor in this video explained about the importance of balancing pain and pleasure. 

She explained that the same part of our brains process both pleasure and pain. She described the need for balance of pain and please like a see saw or scale in our brains – with pleasure being on one side and pain being on the other. Our brains want this to stay level. When we experience pleasure, our brains release a chemical called dopamine, which I am sure most of you are familiar with. But as soon as our brain produces this chemical, it tries to regain balance by downregulating our dopamine receptors. She described this as little gremlins jumping on the pain end of the see saw for this balance to be achieved. If we stop the pleasurable activity, those gremlins eventually hop off of the other side. But if we continue to indulge in something pleasurable, then the gremlins continue to multiply and eventually we change our homeostasis set point. Now you need to continue doing that pleasurable thing just to feel normal. She explained this in the context of addictive behavior and how we keep going back to that behavior in order to feel normal. One of her suggestions to this problem, and what she had suggested to clients, is to do a dopamine detox where you cut out whatever that behavior is: watching tv, scrolling social media, or playing video games, for a period of time in order for your brain to reset and for all the gremlins to jump off the see saw. The video describes everything in more detail, so I highly recommend checking it out! But it reminds us of the importance of balance and why we must fight against constantly seeking out comfort.

I have talked about the importance of stepping outside of our comfort zones in life. I even had a whole series on my YouTube channel where I challenged myself to do things outside of my comfort zone. It’s when we challenge ourselves in this way that we grow and become stronger – either physically and/or emotionally. Unfortunately that is not an easy thing to do in this day and age when so much entertainment is available to us! We must be intentional with pushing ourselves away from constant indulgence and towards things that will be better for us in the long run!

I wanted to share with you about a book I read quite a long time ago, however it was so impactful that I remember it to this day. The book is Where’s God When It Hurts by Philip Yancey. I specifically remember a story he shared in this book about how people who contract leprosy do not always die from disease itself. They die from the effects of the disease. What happens with leprosy is that you can no longer feel pain, therefore you might cut your hand or stub your toe and not notice it. Oftentimes these things will get infected, but because they don’t feel pain they might not notice that a body part is infected. His point is that pain is an indicator for us. Pain lets us know that something is wrong. Because of this, we can have a different perspective about pain, and be thankful that we can feel pain so we know when something is wrong. This can be physical pain, but even emotional pain helps us know when something is wrong, and therefore we can respond to it!

Like I mentioned, in this day and age it is not easy to remain disciplined in how we spend our time. I just wanted to encourage you today to see the value in doing things that are not easy, doing the things that are outside of your comfort zone in order to become the best version of yourself! I find it funny that this was what I had planned to talk about in conjunction with the back yard clean up YouTube video {{linked below}} because while I didn’t think about the connection at the time I was planning it, it was certainly not an easy task to clean up this back yard, but as I lay in my hammock this morning I realized it was so worth it!

Here is the YouTube video I posted in conjunction with this blog post.

10 MINDSETS THAT WILL CHANGE THE WAY YOU DECLUTTER

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Hey friends, today for my Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to share with you some thoughts about decluttering. I know I have talked about decluttering quite a bit on my social media platforms. I have shown the process of decluttering, what I’m decluttering, and why I am decluttering items. But today I wanted to share with you mindsets that will change the way you declutter. Hopefully by sharing these mindsets it will give you a new perspective as you move forward in your decluttering journey. Today I am sharing 10 mindset shifts to help you declutter better!

The first thing I wanted to share with you is to have a positive perspective versus negative. Oftentimes when we approach decluttering we can feel like it is a negative thing: it’s difficult, time consuming, and maybe even tiring both physically and emotionally. When we have this mindset shift that decluttering is a positive thing, moving us towards our life goals, helping us deal with anxiety or other mental health issues, and making our external environment one we love to live in, we will be excited to start the process of decluttering.

Along those lines, another mindset shift around decluttering is to focus on what you are working towards. What is the end result you want? When you create a vision for your life and have that picture in your mind it can spur you on to take the necessary steps to achieve that life you are working towards.

The third mindset shift I wanted to share is to focus on what stays instead of what goes. Sometimes it can be helpful to choose the items you love and know you use regularly and set those aside first. Then you can evaluate what is left. I have done this with clothing for instance where I choose my top favorites, then evaluate if I really need to keep what is leftover. When we focus on what is staying it can help us to appreciate what we have and have an abundance mindset versus a mindset of lack.

Another mindset shift that is similar to that is to think of decluttering as curating. You are curating your collections – anything from clothes to kitchen items. When we think of curation, we may think of a museum. Museum curators are intentional and thoughtful about what they bring in. So much like this curating, it is an intentional process of only surrounding yourself with the things you love and use and removing everything else so it’s easier to enjoy the items you own.

The fifth mindset I wanted to share with you is to focus on the inflow as well as the outflow. Sometimes we don’t realize how important it is to change our spending habits as we work towards decluttering our homes. If we don’t change the inflow, then we will quickly come back to square one and the decluttering progress we made will have made little difference. Sometimes we must be ruthless with ourselves and implement a spending freeze or a no buy period in order to change our habits.

Another mindset shift is realizing you do not equal your stuff. Your value is not in the clothes you wear, the car you drive, or the stuff you own. Finding our value in something more important like in our faith, in our ethics, or in the way we live our lives makes more sense. If we find our value in our stuff, this is a very unpredictable thing to put our value in as we could lose our stuff or lose our jobs and not be able to continue to buy more items.

Something else I wanted to remind you of is having the mindset that the money is long gone. You cannot get your money back after you have purchased and then used an item. Some people find it difficult to declutter because of the money they spent on an item. If an item is sitting in the back of a drawer or cabinet going unused for years, it does not help us financially to hold onto it. Let go of the guilt you may have for spending money on items and then make better decisions moving forward in the future.

Speaking of guilt, let go of all of the guilt around getting rid of items. Whether it is guilt over spending money on the item, or maybe it was a gift given to you and you feel bad getting rid of it, or perhaps it’s something you inherited. If the item is no longer serving you, let go of the guilt and let go of the item.

The ninth mindset change I wanted to share that is adjacent to the feelings of guilt is that memories are not stored in things. You can have memories of a certain time in life, or of a person without holding onto items. Sometimes it can help to take a photo of something if you are struggling to let go because you have memories attached to the item. I do recognize that sometimes tangible things can spark our memory of a time or person, but ultimately the item itself does not hold the memory. The memory is in your mind!

Lastly, I wanted to share that decluttering doesn’t have to be a sprint. In spite of what Marie Kondo told us, we do not have to declutter our whole house in one day! I understand that different decluttering processes work for different people, but sometimes this mindset that we have to declutter all at once or set aside a big chunk of time to get decluttering done prevents us from getting started in the first place. If we have the mindset that we can do a little at a time it will feel more manageable. Oftentimes once you get started the ball starts rolling and you want to continue on, but you can have the mindset that it can be a slow and steady process!

DEBUNKING THE BUSYNESS CULTURE

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about the culture of busyness. I have often talked about living intentionally, and part of that is living at a slower pace – spending time on the things I love and the things that are important to me, and cutting out the things that just keep me busy.

In today’s fast-paced world, many people are proud of how busy they are. They may believe this busyness is a sign of importance or productivity. Today I wanted to challenge this glorification of busyness and the idea that constant activity is synonymous with success and/or fulfillment. I wanted to debunk this idea that busyness is always positive by sharing the detrimental effects it can have on our mental well-being, relationships, and overall quality of life.

Ryan Holiday, an author and content creator has said this: “Whenever you say ‘yes’ to something, you’re saying ‘no’ to something else.” We all make decisions on how to spend our time. And we all have a finite amount of time. If we say yes to lots of things, then we may be forfeiting time to rest and rejuvenate. 

One of the primary things I wanted to talk about is this assumption that being busy equates to productivity. The reality is, busyness often leads to inefficiency and burnout. When we have a lot on our plates, our ability to focus on and prioritize tasks diminishes. This affects our productivity and our quality of work. Being busy is different from being productive, and I think people often don’t realize this.

Something else I wanted to address is the effect constant busyness has on our mental well being. The constant pursuit of busyness can over time take a toll on our mental health. Having nonstop obligations leave little room for rest, relaxation, and self-care. All things that I think can be undervalued. This can lead to stress and anxiety which causes emotional exhaustion. Rest and relaxation are not a negative thing, these are not things to be viewed as being lazy, but instead as part of a healthy lifestyle. Scheduling in times of rest prevents you from being lazy by making a plan in your schedule for rest AND for work. When we give our brains, bodies, and emotions time to rest and rejuvenate, we are more likely to be productive when we are working. If you think about athletes training, they schedule in time to allow their bodies to rest for their muscles to recover. Our brains are no different, and need time to recover as well.

Our relationships can also take a toll when we are constantly busy and have a packed schedule. In the pursuit of busyness, we can sometimes sacrifice quality time with friends and family. When we are busy all of the time, it can be difficult to be present in the moment as we do interact with others, we may be thinking of all the other things that we must get done. Deep and meaningful relationships require time and attention. When we leave little margin in our lives to develop these kinds of relationships, we are left feeling alone and/or disconnected. We must schedule our time in a way that we can be fully present in everything we do, including time with people fostering these deeper connections.

Contrary to popular belief, a truly fulfilling life cannot be measured by the number of tasks we accomplish each day. Busyness can cause us to not live in the moment, and therefore we may miss life’s little pleasures as we are rushing from one task to another or one activity to another. Again, as we keep a schedule that allows for margin we are more likely to truly live in the moment, enjoy the little things, and therefore experience more gratitude in life. If we have a balanced life of productivity and the ability to live in the moment our quality of life will go up!

To counteract this culture of busyness, we must embrace simplicity and mindfulness. Simplifying our schedules, and learning what to say yes to and what to say no to can create the space we need for this type of presence in each task and activity in life. As we are more mindful of how we spend our time, we begin to become self aware of our priorities and moving forward we can begin to choose our time doing the things that align with our values and goals in life.

I did want to say that I recognize that there will always be busier seasons in life. I remember when my kids were all school aged we felt busy and on the go constantly. This was just a season. Also, we chose to combat the extreme busyness by limiting the number of activities our kids could participate in each season. We wanted to teach them the value in not overcommitting and to be fully committed to the things they wanted to invest their time in. We not only embrace these ideas for ourselves but to teach our children the value of rest and self-care. 

Lastly, I just wanted to encourage you to challenge our culture’s narrow view of success, which often revolves around busyness and external achievements. True success should be viewed more holistically, accounting for mental well being, healthy relationships, and personal fulfillment. When we adopt this mindset, we will be able to escape this culture of busyness and replace it with something far more meaningful.

This is the YouTube video I posted in conjunction with this blog post.

DO ORDINARY THINGS IN AN EXTRAORDINARY WAY

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Hey friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about a quote I posted over in my Instagram feed this week. The quote says, “The true call of a Christian is not to do extraordinary things, but to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.” This quote is from Dean Stanley, an Anglican priest from the 1800’s. Although he speaks in terms of a Christian having this life ethic, I think this could apply to anyone. Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.

I think it is easy to feel like what we are doing with our lives doesn’t matter. We can feel like these little mundane day to day tasks aren’t making a difference and we wonder if there is something grand we should be doing with our lives. This quote reminds us that we can do an extraordinary job right where our feet are planted. Sometimes we get so caught up in dreaming about what we should be doing that we don’t look at the opportunities right in front of us! 

Living an extraordinary life does not always include performing grand acts as defined by our culture. Living an extraordinary life happens when we are fully present in ordinary moments in life, being able to fully appreciate the moment for what it is. I talk often on my social media about living intentionally. Part of living intentionally is recognizing the importance of the mundane. These everyday ordinary moments make up the whole of our lives. When we approach these moments with mindfulness and enthusiasm, we then can uncover this extraordinary meaning in the mundane. Whether it’s taking care of children, preparing a meal, cleaning the bathroom, or engaging in conversations, we can find these experiences extraordinary when we infuse these moments with passion, creativity, and attention to detail.

In order to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way, we must approach each task, regardless of what it is, with a commitment to excellence and attention to detail. So many of our daily tasks can become mundane. When tasks become part of everyday routines or habits we can begin to do them on autopilot instead of living in the moment. These simple everyday tasks like exercising, making our beds, or answering emails can be done with precision and care and have a remarkable impact on the people around us as well as our internal thoughts. It is through this attention to detail that we begin to develop a reputation for excellence as we demonstrate that we go above and beyond in everything we do. 

When ordinary actions are carried out in an extraordinary way, the ripple effect it has on others can be profound. Especially if you are a mother with little eyes on you – they will absorb this work ethic. I can tell you, now having young adult children, that what you do is far more important than what you say. By infusing our daily interactions with kindness, empathy, and genuine interest, we have the power to positively influence those around us. Ordinary conversations can become extraordinary when we are present in the conversation – actively listening, offering support, and providing encouragement. Not only does this provide more meaningful connections, but it could also inspire that person to pursue their own extraordinary path.

In addition to these external benefits of doing ordinary things in an extraordinary way, there are also internal benefits. As we challenge ourselves to approach everyday, routine tasks with a growth mind-set and a commitment to self-improvement, we will begin to change the internal as well. This can push us to become more creative or expand our potential. We speak to ourselves more than anyone else speaks to us. We must be aware of the things we are saying to ourselves and redirect this belief that the ordinary is unimportant. We can choose to create a life of purpose and meaning through making the ordinary truly extraordinary.

As a homemaker, I have always pursued the work I do here in my home with excellence. I’m thankful to my parents who taught us high work ethic and to value putting in our full effort in anything that we did. I have not always done this perfectly and I know there have been days or even seasons in my life as a homemaker that I was just trying to make it through each day.

I wanted to share a story with you to remind you that while I fully believe in doing ordinary things in extraordinary ways, I acknowledge that this isn’t always easy. The year our daughter, who is our oldest child, graduated from high school was the same year our middle son graduated middle school and our youngest graduated elementary school. I’m not sure how the cosmos aligned to create this kind of upheaval of change in our lives, but this is nevertheless how it played out for us. That spring was tough for sure, and I think maybe in hindsight we should have invested stock in Kleenex before hitting this phase of life. But nothing would prepare me for what happened the following fall when the new routines set in, with all three of our kids in a new season of life.

That year was really rough for me mentally, which is probably not surprising. I wasn’t officially diagnosed with depression, but my behavior pointed to a depressive season of life. I felt lost, which made me not want to pursue things I used to love doing. In the fall of the following year, a local boutique owner reached out to me to see if I would like to work for her. I was a regular in her boutique and we had developed a friendship through my visits. I worked for her for a year and a half, and so appreciated that time which pulled me out of my funk and gave me new purpose and inspiration in life again. I actually quit working for her to start up my own business as a professional organizer!

We may go through days or even seasons in life that it is difficult to be present and to pursue our work with excellence, however we must keep pressing forward reminding ourselves that we can be extraordinary wherever our feet are planted!

The YouTube video I posted in conjunction with this blog post.

DEALING WITH ANXIETY, OCD, & PERFECTIONISM

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Hey friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to talk about something that has recently been on my mind. I have been thinking about mental health and balancing mental health challenges with my everyday life. For those of you who don’t know, I have shared in the past that I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder around 15 years ago. Dealing with anxiety in my day to day life is now just the norm for me.

One thing that I haven’t really talked much about is my obsessive compulsive tendencies. I have not been officially diagnosed with OCD, but from what I know about this disorder it is often closely linked with anxiety disorders. Many people who have anxiety tend to have obsessive compulsive behavior to quiet the anxiety. We believe, although incorrectly, that if we could just do this one thing or control this one thing THEN we won’t feel anxious. The problem is there seems to be that one more thing that we believe will quiet our anxiety and it never really ends.

Now while I have not spoken much openly about these struggles, it may be obvious even to those uneducated about OCD. I am sure some people have thought to themselves “Joy goes a little overboard when it comes to cleaning, organizing, or decluttering.” Go ahead – raise your hand if you thought this! My response to that is I KNOW! I know I go overboard at times and that is one way I handle my anxiety.

Like I mentioned, I have been thinking about this more recently, and wondering if I need to find ways to better manage that anxiety. On the one hand, it has served me well in the sense that it has caused me to be highly motivated and disciplined in managing our household. However, it does get to the point where I have to evaluate how I spend my time. As someone who likes to live an intentional life, I am always evaluating what I do with my time and energy. 

I think something else that goes hand in hand with OCD is perfectionism. It’s easy to get caught up in the details and perfecting something when your anxiety is driving you and that manifests in obsessive compulsive behavior.

One of the things that I have been thinking about to practically help me navigate the OCD thoughts is to be realistic with myself about any given project or task. This can be very difficult for me as I was raised with a high work ethic. I was taught to do everything with excellence. And again, this is a great quality – but not when it interferes with relationships and other more important things. I’m learning to sometimes say “good enough is good enough.” I’m learning to evaluate when there are things that require A+ work versus the times when C+ work will suffice. This has been hard for me, but like I said – I’m learning.

Something else I do when I start to feel that anxiety rising because I feel like a project, task, situation, or circumstance feels out of control – I stop and ask myself: will this matter to me 5 years from now? How about 1 year from now? Or a month from now? Often I find that things that really upset me will not matter in the grand scheme of life. This helps me to let it go more easily.

Lastly, I like to make lists when I feel overwhelmed with life. Sometimes I can get out of control trying to do everything at once, or pushing myself too hard. If I make a list of things that need to get done, then I can more appropriately delegate tasks to different days. Once it’s on paper it can put my mind at ease. With that said, this doesn’t always work for me. Especially if it’s a big, ongoing project, I sometimes just want to keep working until it gets done.

I just want to encourage you today, no matter what struggle you may be going through, to give yourself grace. All you can do is work on things a little at a time, and try to be better today than you were yesterday. Self awareness is a great start because that’s where you can begin to make changes!

Here is the YouTube video I posted in conjunction with this blog post.

10 CREATIVE HOME DECOR IDEAS

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Hey friends, today I am sharing another Thoughtful Thursday post. If you know me, then you know that I am intentional about what comes into and goes out of my home. I’m on a journey towards minimalism, curating spaces that only have the things I use and love. I guess you could say I like to be thoughtful about my home decor. Today I wanted to share 10 creative home decor ideas with you!

The first idea I have is to upcycle or repurpose items. Perhaps you have a piece of decor that you already own that you are no longer loving. You could spray paint it or use texture to change it up. I have used textured spray paint or terra cotta type paint to transform vases. You can also change up your furniture by painting it, sanding it down and re-staining it, or covering it with new fabric. You can also upcycle items that you find at a thrift store, garage sale, or online resale platform. It’s fun to find a reasonably priced piece and create something new out of it. In addition to this, you could repurpose items, like an old wine bottle, a jar, or some other recyclable items.

The second idea I have for you is to incorporate DIY decor. I just love unique and one of a kind decor pieces. When you create your own decor it is for sure one of a kind! Admittedly, I am not very skilled at making DIY decor. I do like to do home DIY projects, and I have built some furniture for our home. Most recently, last fall I made a pedestal table, and it’s fun to have this one of a kind piece in my home!

Another idea I have for you is to go thrifting! There are many places to go thrifting – antique malls, Etsy, Facebook Marketplace/Craigslist, garage sales/estate sales. It’s fun to hunt for treasures at these places. I really enjoy searching for vintage home decor while thrifting. You can often find creative pieces while thrifting, and the added bonus is this is an environmentally friendly option.

The fourth idea I have for you is to look for home decor on Etsy. There are a multitude of things you can find on Etsy, supporting small business owners and individual artists. I have purchased vintage items, downloadable prints, photography artwork, handmade pieces of art (like macramé), and unique floral stems (like pampas grass). Once again, you can find unique pieces to add to your home decor collection on Etsy.

I also enjoy shopping at local boutiques to find interesting home decor. I recognize not all cities have boutiques like this, and I’m sure I’m lucky to live in Austin where we have many! This is also another great way to support small business owners instead of shopping at big box stores.

The sixth idea is adding pieces of decor or furniture through inheriting them. Inheriting pieces from grandparents, parents, or other family members can be a great way to add to your decor collection. You can choose items that fit your style, but are also meaningful to you. When my grandmother passed away, my grandfather let us walk through the home and choose anything we wanted to remind us of our grandma. I chose this beautiful brass bird sculpture that reminds me of my grandma because she loved birds and bird watching. The brass aesthetic fits in with my style as well. It is a special piece of decor for my home.

You can also use books or other everyday home items when styling your spaces. We have many books that we would like to hold onto, but we are not going to necessarily read again. {{And by “we” I mean my husband!!}} I have used those books to style around our home. You could also use simple things like toilet paper stacked neatly on a bathroom shelf, or cotton pads and Q-tips displayed in a cute jar. I also have oil and vinegar bottles, and salt and pepper holders that are aesthetically pleasing to sit out on my kitchen counter doubling as decor.

Another idea I have for you is to use organizing tools as decor. I love choosing baskets or bins to corral things, but also to look pleasing to the eye. Whether it’s on a shelf or inside a cabinet, these items can serve dual purpose – for practical purposes, but also as decor.

The ninth idea I wanted to share is to use mass manufactured pieces sparingly. I do sometimes find pieces at big box stores or other nation-wide chains, but I like to just sprinkle those items amongst the decor pieces I purchased from other places mentioned above. When these items are styled along with these other unique pieces it makes it look less like a mass manufactured piece. In addition to this, you can look for pieces that look more artisan which will make it look more like a one of a kind piece.

Lastly, I wanted to share with you to look for dupes of higher end items. I will sometimes find a high end item that I absolutely love, but I just can’t spend the money on it. The internet provides an easy way to find dupes to add to your home. I have been eyeing that popular Anthropologie mirror, the Gleaming Primrose mirror. I was able to find a similar mirror on Amazon for a fraction of the cost! Pieces like this can make your home decor collection seem more upscale and artisan.

I hope these 10 creative home decor ideas were helpful for you today! I wanted to share this because I am so passionate about curating beautiful and unique home decor pieces as I pursue creating intentional spaces in my home! 

Here is the YouTube video I created in conjunction with this blog post.

FEELING LIKE A FRAUD

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to address something that I’ve been thinking about lately and that is feeling like a fraud. This is something most people experience at some point in their lives. This is such a common way to feel. So much so that psychologists have coined the phrase “imposter syndrome” to describe this feeling. Two clinical psychologists, Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes first identified and named this phenomenon back in 1978. The definition for imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like a “fraud” or “a phony” and doubting their abilities. 

I wanted to talk about this, because I feel like it is one of those taboo subjects that people feel this way, but don’t talk about it. Like I mentioned, it is natural to feel like a fraud from time to time. Often, it is just not true. We only see people from external appearances or what they portray – either on social media or in real life. Often we are comparing our internal feelings about ourselves to the external things we see others doing or accomplishing. I want to encourage you today to see things from a proper perspective when you are having those feelings. I want to share some practical things you can do when you are having this feeling. Feeling like a fraud can be a sign of self-sabotage, so be aware of that and then be intentional about addressing your feelings. 

The first thing you can do is self-talk. When you have negative thoughts that come into your head – telling you that you are not enough, you are not competent, or not successful – you can acknowledge that you feel that way, but remind yourself that you ARE enough, you ARE competent, you ARE successful. If you can’t do this just in your head, perhaps process these feelings with a friend or use a journal to write down your fears around feeling like a fraud. We must find a way to break the cycle of ruminating and turn our thoughts towards the positive. 

Along with this, you can make a 2-column list with ways you are inadequate and ways you are competent. Sometimes writing it out you may realize you are far more competent than you think, and this can help bring perspective.

You might say, but what if my inadequacy list IS longer than my competent list? Then I would encourage you to reframe your inadequacies. Often acknowledging our inadequacies is the beginning of growth. Look at your struggles as a way to learn and become stronger! Being realistic with yourself, evaluating areas of life you do need to work on, and coming up with strategies to make changes may give you some peace of mind.

Talking to someone who knows you well about your feelings can be really beneficial. Getting feedback from a trusted friend or family member can help you to have a better perspective. We are often much harder on ourselves than others are on us. Trusted friends or family members know you well enough to give honest feedback, but also see you in a different light than you see yourself.

Lastly, be gracious with yourself. We often forget that we are aware of both the internal and external portrayals of ourselves and therefore can be hard on ourselves. Remind yourself that you are only human. You cannot be perfect and you will make mistakes. But that’s all a part of the growth and learning process!

I wanted to share a personal anecdote with you about feeling this imposter syndrome. We all second guess ourselves. Recently I added some new pieces to my bedroom – a new throw blanket and pillow. That day I was thinking about how much I talk on my YouTube channel and here on my blog about minimalism and intentional spending. I also do a fair amount of decluttering on my channel as I continue to pursue minimalism. Sometimes when I bring new items into my home and share it on my channel I feel a bit like a fraud. Like why am I buying more things when I am trying to create a space that is minimal?

First of all, whenever you’re on a journey of any kind, it is just that – a journey! By the definition, it is an ongoing process and not a point where you arrive. So, pursuing minimalism is a journey for me. I may make mistakes along the way – I may make poor decisions, but ultimately I am trying to be intentional with what comes into my home. Most of the time with items like these two items – it is not an impulse purchase. I think about it several days before I decide to purchase the items. Also, these items are practical. Like I mentioned, we needed cooler blankets for the warmer months, and the pillow was just a cover to add to my existing pillow, just a design that I think works better for warmer weather.

 In addition to this, one thing that I am always trying to balance in my home is making my spaces warm, cozy, and inviting, without having too much clutter. I love decorating our spaces to make our home a place that my family and friends feel comfortable and enjoy being in. Ever since I did my no spend year back in 2019 I am definitely more intentional about what I purchase. I used to just peruse the aisles of Target or Home Goods, do online shopping, or be influenced by what others had and were sharing on social media. Now I am far less tempted to do this and find it an even more creative process to curate the items that come into my spaces or wardrobe.

Does this mean I will always be perfect in my shopping choices? NO! Even if I’m intentional about what I purchase, you never know how much you will love something or how well it will serve you. You make the best decisions with the knowledge you have!

Keeping your focus on your values instead of perfection will help tremendously in feeling confident in who you are. Success is not a point in time, it is a continual process, so there will be ups and downs.

I hope this chat was helpful or resonated with some of you. As always, I love to hear your thoughts in the comments! If you feel comfortable, let me know if you have felt like a fraud before and what was your experience!

The YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

REMAINING LOYAL

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Hello friends, today I’m sharing another Thoughtful Thursday post with you. I wanted to talk about remaining loyal. As someone who considers myself an empath, I feel like loyalty is just something that comes naturally to me. I am maybe sometimes loyal to a fault and hang onto relationships, jobs, or other commitments longer than I should. But in this society where it’s much easier to give up on something or on a relationship and move along to the next thing, it’s so important for us to lean into and keep working at something even when it gets difficult. Many times there is something absolutely beautiful on the other side of the struggle and on the other side of really working things out. And in the meantime you become a stronger person, and a better version of yourself for having stuck it out!

I was thinking about this topic of loyalty recently as I just celebrated 27 years of marriage over this past weekend. I wanted to share some of the thoughts that I shared in a blog post 2 years ago when I devoted an entire post to a tribute to my marriage to celebrate my 25th wedding anniversary. I can link that post right here if you would like to read it. But I wanted to share some additional thoughts with you.

When you’ve been married for this long, sometimes people will say things like “what’s the secret?” But honestly, I don’t think there is a secret. I kind of feel like “secrets” are a myth. I think there are only obvious answers in life, but usually people don’t like the obvious answers. The obvious answers usually require hard work. When someone is fit and you want to know how they stay fit, it’s probably the obvious answer – they workout and eat healthy, drink plenty of water and get good sleep. It’s the same thing with marriage – you remain loyal when times get tough, you forgive, you ask for forgiveness, you give grace and compassion, and show humility.

But, HOW do you do that? I recognize that is all easier said than done. I will share with you that I can’t imagine being so dedicated to my marriage if it weren’t for my faith in Jesus. In the Bible in Philippians 2:3 it says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others better than yourselves.” This is one of the principles I strive to live by. In all relationships, but especially in marriage. Believe me, there are times when I have to fight to believe this and live it out! It is certainly not always easy.

Also, marriage has not always been easy! That’s when I have learned to lean into Jesus and trust that He is refining me and making me more like him through my marriage. It also helps me to not put all of my hope and faith in a person {{my husband}} but recognizing that he is human and will let me down at times.

 Loving someone unconditionally for 27 years is not easy – and I’m not just talking about me loving my husband, I’m talking about my husband loving me! It goes both ways. We both believe in the 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 passage regarding love. We may not always feel it, but we have to keep coming back to this passage:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

But these ideas translate to other relationships and other commitments we are loyal to. It’s not always easy to work things out with a friend when you have differences. It’s not easy to stick with a tough job, but like I mentioned at the beginning of the post, oftentimes there is great reward on the other side of remaining loyal.

I will say, it can be difficult to know sometimes if something is just difficult or if you’re just going through a rough patch versus if something is actually toxic. Sometimes relationships, jobs, or obligations in life become toxic and you must be self aware enough to know that line. Sometimes it’s helpful to talk to a professional to process through that to determine the difference. But I personally like to err on the side of working through the tough times.

I hope these thoughts were helpful or encouraging to you today! Check out my YouTube video I made in conjunction with this post, linked below!

HOW TO STOP WORRYING

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday video I wanted to share with you how to stop worrying. As I type that I realize this is a tall order! It sounds so much more easily said than done. But before I get into that, I thought I would share a little bit of a back story on my journey with worry and anxiety.

I have struggled with anxiety my entire life – or at least as long as I can remember. Even as a young child I remember being worried or nervous about all sorts of things. As a result of this I struggled with GI issues, and started regularly taking antacids in my teens to combat the symptoms. I was mostly able to manage my anxiety and GI issues throughout my young adulthood. I did this mostly through trying to control my environment. Keeping my spaces cleaned and organized definitely helped ease my anxiety. Also, keeping physical clutter to a minimum helped.

However, as I grew older, slowly over time more and more responsibilities and things piled on me. First it was getting married, and learning to manage not only my things, but my husband’s things as well. Then our daughter came along, and two more children after that. The responsibilities and the THINGS kept multiplying. I suppose it was a mercy that I only added to our chaos a little at a time, however it was like that analogy of a frog in a cool pot of water that began to get hot and boil over time – so that it wasn’t noticeable that more responsibilities and stuff were creeping in.

When our youngest son was a toddler I started struggling with severe anxiety symptoms. I struggled with periodic panic attacks, which began to disrupt my life. My doctor diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and prescribed Xanax, which I could take when the symptoms were unmanageable. I was able to cope like this for several years, until my anxiety reached a point where it was affecting my everyday life. The journey that ensued is a whole other story, but ultimately I ended up seeing a holistic doctor and discovering that I had multiple food sensitivities, exasperating my anxiety. I was thankful to have answers, and with diet and supplements I have been able to manage for over 12 years now.

But something I have learned since then is the power of my thoughts. I have learned the importance of positive self talk – replacing negative thoughts or negative things I tell myself with positive ones. I also learned about the power of the unconscious mind and started adding sleep meditations and positive affirmations to my daily routines. 

In addition to this, recently I have been learning about stoicism and implementing these principles in my life. Something that has helped me greatly to deal with my anxiety is the idea of reframing. One of the stoics, Epictetus, said, “It’s not things that upset us, but our judgments about things.” When we worry, it is often about something bad happening, or about things not going the way we would like them to go. If we can learn to reframe our circumstances, not judging them as good or bad but accepting them as they are, then our worry dissipates. We must learn that all circumstances in life can be viewed as something that was meant to be for us – for our growth and maturity. When we let go of expectations of how things SHOULD go, we begin to feel peaceful. 

Another encouraging quote comes from the stoic Seneca and he said, “He who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.” Understanding that we are not in control of others’ nor our circumstances releases us from the responsibility to be in charge. Obviously we are in control of ourselves and everything we do, every decision we make has a consequence – whether good or bad. Therefore we have full control of those outcomes – for example choosing to go to bed at a reasonable time means you will get good sleep, and therefore will feel well rested in the morning. However, we cannot control other people, the traffic, the weather, etc. We must let go of that feeling that we can control it in order to experience the peace we long for. In my sleep example, we are in control of when we go to bed and when we get up, but we cannot control if a siren or a snoring spouse wakes us in the middle of the night.

Learning to be self aware of our thoughts and reframing our experiences, and learning to release control of things that we think we have control over but do not will help tremendously with extinguishing worry. Like I mentioned at the beginning of this talk – that certainly is easier said than done. Yes, this sort of inner work takes practice – and it is WORK, so it is not easy, but it is worth it!

WHY DECLUTTERING ISN’T ENOUGH

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Well, it has been quite a while since I have posted here on my blog! I have been focusing on my other social media platforms – YouTube, Instagram, and Tik Tok. I have been thinking about how I would like to share more often here on my blog. On my YouTube channel every Thursday I share in a video series called Thoughtful Thursday where I share cleaning, organizing, and/or decluttering motivation and in the voiceover I share my thoughts on a topic. This week my topic was pertinent to my website, so I decided to go ahead and share the information that I shared in that video. But it got me to thinking that I would love to start sharing my Thoughtful Thursday thoughts here on my blog as well, even if it isn’t specific to cleaning, organizing, or decluttering. So, you can look forward to seeing my thoughts each Thursday!

So, for this week’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to share with you why decluttering isn’t enough to create a clutter free home. Over the weekend I was thinking about how much time, energy, and effort it takes to keep up with our stuff – caring for, cleaning, and organizing it. I came across a quote from Peter Walsh, a professional organizer and author, probably best known for the TLC show Clean Sweep. I shared this quote over on my Instagram feed earlier this week: “What I know for sure is that when you declutter – whether it’s your home, your head, or your heart – it is astounding what will flow into that space that will enrich you, your life, and your family.”

This quote has inspired me to continue decluttering my home, even though in some ways it seems like I have nothing left to declutter! When we declutter, we make space for other things that will enrich our lives. I also loved his point that it’s not just our physical stuff that takes up space – but also mental and emotional clutter can prevent us from experiencing other beautiful things in life. We must be self aware, realizing what we spend our time and brain space thinking about and telling ourselves. I talk a lot about the importance of self talk over on my YouTube channel, as well as on my Tik Tok page. It is meaningful what you say to yourself. Also, if there are unresolved emotional issues in life, I encourage you to not ignore them but deal with those issues. Whether that’s reconciling in relationships, healing from past hurts or trauma, or just dealing with day to day emotions. This may require seeking professional help, and I can tell you from experience that this is so worth it. When we make time to deal with our emotional “clutter,” if you will, it frees up space in our lives for something else!

I did want to camp out on the physical clutter aspect today. I think one thing many of us don’t realize is that decluttering is usually not enough to keep a clutter free home. First of all, decluttering is an ongoing process. As long as items are still coming into our homes, we will have a need to assess what we are using and loving. Over time, as we go through different stages of life – for ourselves and especially our children – we will need to evaluate what we are still using.

In addition to this, I think one of the biggest reasons people feel like their homes are still cluttered despite decluttering, is because of the inflow. Things come into our homes organically – if nothing else junk mail, and kids’ papers. But we may also be contributing to this through our shopping habits. Think about how easy it is for something to come into your home. Especially if you do online shopping. You can shop from the comfort of your sofa, or even your bed. Within a few clicks you are done and the item is on its way directly to your front door. Whereas if you want to go through the decluttering process you must set aside time to evaluate your items, make decisions, sort the items, bag or package up the item for donation, drive to a donation center, or go through the steps it takes to sell an item online – taking a photo, writing a description, etc. It is actually much more difficult to get rid of items than to acquire them. This is something to keep in mind while shopping.

I have shared about my no spend year back in 2019, and this really opened my eyes to my spending habits. I am so thankful for that experience as it has helped me to be far more intentional about what comes into my home. Related to this, in order to keep the inflow in check, I do not purchase new things for each season – like new decor or new clothes. I like to curate my collection of decor and wardrobe intentionally and purchase items that speak to me. I may add some new items for a particular season, but I don’t shop for each new season.

In addition to this, is how easily we accumulate things because of free items or sales. I have learned that it is okay to say no to free items if it is not something I will love or use. It took time to learn, but now I am much more particular about what is allowed in my home.  I have also learned not to get sucked into a good deal. Just because something is on sale or seemingly a good deal, doesn’t mean I need it or it will be useful to me.

Something else that will make an impact in your decluttering process is accepting that it’s okay to have open spaces in your home. Now, I recognize that this may not resonate with everyone – I know some people are maximalists and like every nook and cranny to have something in it, well maybe this blog post is not for you anyway! Once you get to the point where you have open spaces, then you may be seeing the difference in your home on your decluttering journey. Sometimes we feel the need to fill the space back up, and obviously this is going to be counterproductive if you are getting rid of items just to fill the space back up again.

If you are on a decluttering journey, I hope these ideas were helpful to you. It’s really not enough to just declutter our spaces. We must change our spending habits as well in order to truly make an impact. I know for me, I just got tired of the cycle of stuff going out, stuff coming in. Slowly but surely I am seeing more open spaces in my home. It has helped greatly with my anxiety levels, not feeling overwhelmed with stuff in my space and just not having to take care of as much stuff as I once did. I am still working on it! I am thankful for the space I have now for other things to flow into my life, as Peter Walsh says.

Here is the YouTube video I made in conjunction with this post!