Thoughtful Thursday

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING CONSISTENT

/ OrganizedWithJoy / 1 Comment

Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post, I wanted to talk about consistency. I really believe that one of the most important virtues for success in life is consistency. This applies to almost any area in life. Whether it’s relationships, health and fitness, hobbies, or positive habits.

First I wanted to talk about how consistency is important in relationships. Relationships don’t grow organically. We must be intentional about spending time with those we love. We must show up consistently to foster those close knit relationships. Also when we consistently follow through on promises, meet deadlines, and maintain our commitments, we gain the confidence of others. People are more likely to trust us when we exhibit dependable behavior, which leads to strong relationships both personally and professionally.

In addition to being important in relationships, consistency is a great pathway to mastery. In any hobby or professional related endeavor, the best way to get better or to master something is consistently practicing it. Have you ever played an instrument? If so, you know the importance of consistently practicing to get better or to master it! 

Consistency also helps us to overcome adversity in life. Life does not always go smoothly or the way we plan, and challenges are inevitable. Consistency equips us with the resilience to deal with the difficulties of life. When we are consistent, setbacks become opportunities for growth and learning. The ability to remain focused on the long-term goal, despite temporary setbacks, helps in overcoming obstacles and achieving success.

Consistency is important for developing healthy habits. Consistency is the best way to have success in any healthy habit – whether it’s eating healthy, exercising, a good skin care routine, or healthy sleeping habits. If we want to see change, we must day in and day out continue to be consistent.

Along those same lines, consistency works far better than perfection when we are trying to make a lasting change. We will all have days or even weeks where we don’t remain consistent with something we have committed to. Maybe it’s a sickness, or a family emergency, or even going on vacation that causes us to not follow through on our commitments. We can’t allow these things to derail our progress or derail the momentum we have. If something in life causes us to fall away from our routine of consistency, we must get back to it as soon as we can! 

Something else I wanted to share is that consistency inspires others towards remaining loyal and dedicated. Our dedication and tenacity towards something can be an encouragement or inspiration to others around us. When they see our unwavering determination it can inspire them to follow suit and pursue their own goals in life. Consistency can set a positive example to our children and others who look up to us, but even to our peers, colleagues, or family members. We can foster a culture of growth mindset for those who are in our lives!

Ultimately if we want long term, sustainable success, we must be willing to be consistent. In this time of distractions and instant gratification, consistency can be the compass that helps keep us pointed in the right direction. It’s the steady progress over time that leads us to long term success. When we are consistent in our pursuits in life, we are more likely to reach our goals and maintain a healthy balance in life. It’s not easy to remain consistent in life, but when we do we will begin to see lasting changes.

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this post!

7 TIME WASTERS

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to share with you ways that we can waste our time. Especially if you are a homemaker, it can be easy to fall into these habits of wasting time. I hope by sharing these 7 time wasters with you, I can encourage you to be more efficient in your day, giving you more margin to do the things you love!

The first time waster is inefficiency in chores, responsibilities, or activities. I have found it really helpful to batch activities for efficiency. Running errands is a perfect example. It makes more sense to run all of your errands at once while you are already out and about then to do them throughout the week. This is especially true if you don’t live close to stores. Another example is checking your email or other notifications on your phone. Set aside times during the day when you will check email and other notifications to respond to emails or social media comments at the same time. It can be a big time waster to continually open your phone to respond to things like this throughout the day. Included in this is even batching your rest time! I personally have found it really helpful to have one day a week where I do not do any work!

The second time waster I wanted to share with you is the amount of time we spend choosing our clothes for the day. Now, if you’ve been around for a while, you will not hear me tell you to become a minimalist and wear black t-shirts everyday! That is not my style at all. I love having lots of options and being able to creatively put together outfits. However, I did want to suggest having a uniform. I do like to wear a uniform. In the summer I wear shorts with a t-shirt or button up, and in the winter I wear jeans with a t-shirt, button up and layer with cardigans and sweaters. I will say, more recently I am rotating in some dresses and skirts as I have been trying to wear everything in my closet. I am really enjoying adding these pieces into the rotation! And of course there are some days where I just stay in my workout clothes all day! Having a uniform cuts down on the time it takes to make that daily decision, and it prevents decision fatigue. 

The next time waster is trying to remember everything that needs to get done. I absolutely love lists! Having daily to-do lists helps me to get these things that need to get done out of my brain and onto paper. You could use digital to do lists if that is your preference, I just love writing things down with pen and paper! In addition to daily to-do lists, I would also suggest keeping a running master to-list – everything that needs to get done at some point but you’re not necessarily going to do it today. You can reference this master to-do list as you are making your daily or weekly to-do lists to incorporate these tasks throughout your week. Again, just getting these tasks down on paper relieves your brain from having to remember them!

Similar to that, we waste time trying to remember all the appointments and where everyone needs to go. I would recommend keeping a calendar – either a physical calendar, a digital one, or like me you could use both. When my kids were younger, I liked to color code my calendars with a color for each person so it was easy to know who had activities or appointments for each day. You could also color code the activities. Perhaps errands could be one color, chores another, and desk work another color.

The fifth time waster I wanted to share with you is trying to figure out when to do what needs to get done. This would be more so for chores or tasks that need to get done each day or each week. I like to have a regular schedule of when I get my basic chores and errands done so I don’t need to waste time thinking about when I will get each task done. Each week I have set aside time to get these chores done. I find that it works best to do two to three chores each day of the week and then you don’t need to worry about it for the remainder of the week. For example, every Monday I do our laundry; every Tuesday I give our kitchen a deeper clean; every Wednesday I pick up our groceries. By having the same schedule each week, I don’t have to waste time thinking about when these tasks will fit into my schedule for the week. 

Along those same lines, we may waste time by not having a regular sleep schedule. When our sleep schedule is unpredictable, we won’t know how much time we will have each day to accomplish our to-do lists. Studies have shown that it is far more healthy to stick to a regular bedtime and wake up time. Yes, even on the weekends! When we have a regular sleep routine, not only is it a healthier way to live, but it also allows us to be more efficient in our work. We are also less likely to feel tired when we keep a regular sleep schedule and so we are able to get our work done!

The last time waster is an obvious one, and I know it’s a tough one as I myself struggle with this… we waste time on mindless entertainment – either scrolling social media, or watching Netflix or YouTube. I understand that these things are a part of our lives, but I wanted to encourage you to unplug from time to time. Ideally we would come up with appropriate boundaries for ourselves on how much and how often we engage in this entertainment. I think we could all stand to cut back on our social media usage and tv watching, ME INCLUDED! I used to not open any of the social media apps on my phone on Sundays as a part of my rest day, but slowly it crept back in. Not to scroll, just to keep up with chats, DMs, and notifications. However I really think it would do me good personally to get back to the habit of not looking at social media at all for that one day a week.

The video I posted on my YouTube channel in conjunction with this blog post.

DO ORDINARY THINGS IN AN EXTRAORDINARY WAY

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Hey friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about a quote I posted over in my Instagram feed this week. The quote says, “The true call of a Christian is not to do extraordinary things, but to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.” This quote is from Dean Stanley, an Anglican priest from the 1800’s. Although he speaks in terms of a Christian having this life ethic, I think this could apply to anyone. Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.

I think it is easy to feel like what we are doing with our lives doesn’t matter. We can feel like these little mundane day to day tasks aren’t making a difference and we wonder if there is something grand we should be doing with our lives. This quote reminds us that we can do an extraordinary job right where our feet are planted. Sometimes we get so caught up in dreaming about what we should be doing that we don’t look at the opportunities right in front of us! 

Living an extraordinary life does not always include performing grand acts as defined by our culture. Living an extraordinary life happens when we are fully present in ordinary moments in life, being able to fully appreciate the moment for what it is. I talk often on my social media about living intentionally. Part of living intentionally is recognizing the importance of the mundane. These everyday ordinary moments make up the whole of our lives. When we approach these moments with mindfulness and enthusiasm, we then can uncover this extraordinary meaning in the mundane. Whether it’s taking care of children, preparing a meal, cleaning the bathroom, or engaging in conversations, we can find these experiences extraordinary when we infuse these moments with passion, creativity, and attention to detail.

In order to do ordinary things in an extraordinary way, we must approach each task, regardless of what it is, with a commitment to excellence and attention to detail. So many of our daily tasks can become mundane. When tasks become part of everyday routines or habits we can begin to do them on autopilot instead of living in the moment. These simple everyday tasks like exercising, making our beds, or answering emails can be done with precision and care and have a remarkable impact on the people around us as well as our internal thoughts. It is through this attention to detail that we begin to develop a reputation for excellence as we demonstrate that we go above and beyond in everything we do. 

When ordinary actions are carried out in an extraordinary way, the ripple effect it has on others can be profound. Especially if you are a mother with little eyes on you – they will absorb this work ethic. I can tell you, now having young adult children, that what you do is far more important than what you say. By infusing our daily interactions with kindness, empathy, and genuine interest, we have the power to positively influence those around us. Ordinary conversations can become extraordinary when we are present in the conversation – actively listening, offering support, and providing encouragement. Not only does this provide more meaningful connections, but it could also inspire that person to pursue their own extraordinary path.

In addition to these external benefits of doing ordinary things in an extraordinary way, there are also internal benefits. As we challenge ourselves to approach everyday, routine tasks with a growth mind-set and a commitment to self-improvement, we will begin to change the internal as well. This can push us to become more creative or expand our potential. We speak to ourselves more than anyone else speaks to us. We must be aware of the things we are saying to ourselves and redirect this belief that the ordinary is unimportant. We can choose to create a life of purpose and meaning through making the ordinary truly extraordinary.

As a homemaker, I have always pursued the work I do here in my home with excellence. I’m thankful to my parents who taught us high work ethic and to value putting in our full effort in anything that we did. I have not always done this perfectly and I know there have been days or even seasons in my life as a homemaker that I was just trying to make it through each day.

I wanted to share a story with you to remind you that while I fully believe in doing ordinary things in extraordinary ways, I acknowledge that this isn’t always easy. The year our daughter, who is our oldest child, graduated from high school was the same year our middle son graduated middle school and our youngest graduated elementary school. I’m not sure how the cosmos aligned to create this kind of upheaval of change in our lives, but this is nevertheless how it played out for us. That spring was tough for sure, and I think maybe in hindsight we should have invested stock in Kleenex before hitting this phase of life. But nothing would prepare me for what happened the following fall when the new routines set in, with all three of our kids in a new season of life.

That year was really rough for me mentally, which is probably not surprising. I wasn’t officially diagnosed with depression, but my behavior pointed to a depressive season of life. I felt lost, which made me not want to pursue things I used to love doing. In the fall of the following year, a local boutique owner reached out to me to see if I would like to work for her. I was a regular in her boutique and we had developed a friendship through my visits. I worked for her for a year and a half, and so appreciated that time which pulled me out of my funk and gave me new purpose and inspiration in life again. I actually quit working for her to start up my own business as a professional organizer!

We may go through days or even seasons in life that it is difficult to be present and to pursue our work with excellence, however we must keep pressing forward reminding ourselves that we can be extraordinary wherever our feet are planted!

The YouTube video I posted in conjunction with this blog post.

DEALING WITH ANXIETY, OCD, & PERFECTIONISM

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Hey friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to talk about something that has recently been on my mind. I have been thinking about mental health and balancing mental health challenges with my everyday life. For those of you who don’t know, I have shared in the past that I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder around 15 years ago. Dealing with anxiety in my day to day life is now just the norm for me.

One thing that I haven’t really talked much about is my obsessive compulsive tendencies. I have not been officially diagnosed with OCD, but from what I know about this disorder it is often closely linked with anxiety disorders. Many people who have anxiety tend to have obsessive compulsive behavior to quiet the anxiety. We believe, although incorrectly, that if we could just do this one thing or control this one thing THEN we won’t feel anxious. The problem is there seems to be that one more thing that we believe will quiet our anxiety and it never really ends.

Now while I have not spoken much openly about these struggles, it may be obvious even to those uneducated about OCD. I am sure some people have thought to themselves “Joy goes a little overboard when it comes to cleaning, organizing, or decluttering.” Go ahead – raise your hand if you thought this! My response to that is I KNOW! I know I go overboard at times and that is one way I handle my anxiety.

Like I mentioned, I have been thinking about this more recently, and wondering if I need to find ways to better manage that anxiety. On the one hand, it has served me well in the sense that it has caused me to be highly motivated and disciplined in managing our household. However, it does get to the point where I have to evaluate how I spend my time. As someone who likes to live an intentional life, I am always evaluating what I do with my time and energy. 

I think something else that goes hand in hand with OCD is perfectionism. It’s easy to get caught up in the details and perfecting something when your anxiety is driving you and that manifests in obsessive compulsive behavior.

One of the things that I have been thinking about to practically help me navigate the OCD thoughts is to be realistic with myself about any given project or task. This can be very difficult for me as I was raised with a high work ethic. I was taught to do everything with excellence. And again, this is a great quality – but not when it interferes with relationships and other more important things. I’m learning to sometimes say “good enough is good enough.” I’m learning to evaluate when there are things that require A+ work versus the times when C+ work will suffice. This has been hard for me, but like I said – I’m learning.

Something else I do when I start to feel that anxiety rising because I feel like a project, task, situation, or circumstance feels out of control – I stop and ask myself: will this matter to me 5 years from now? How about 1 year from now? Or a month from now? Often I find that things that really upset me will not matter in the grand scheme of life. This helps me to let it go more easily.

Lastly, I like to make lists when I feel overwhelmed with life. Sometimes I can get out of control trying to do everything at once, or pushing myself too hard. If I make a list of things that need to get done, then I can more appropriately delegate tasks to different days. Once it’s on paper it can put my mind at ease. With that said, this doesn’t always work for me. Especially if it’s a big, ongoing project, I sometimes just want to keep working until it gets done.

I just want to encourage you today, no matter what struggle you may be going through, to give yourself grace. All you can do is work on things a little at a time, and try to be better today than you were yesterday. Self awareness is a great start because that’s where you can begin to make changes!

Here is the YouTube video I posted in conjunction with this blog post.

10 CREATIVE HOME DECOR IDEAS

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Hey friends, today I am sharing another Thoughtful Thursday post. If you know me, then you know that I am intentional about what comes into and goes out of my home. I’m on a journey towards minimalism, curating spaces that only have the things I use and love. I guess you could say I like to be thoughtful about my home decor. Today I wanted to share 10 creative home decor ideas with you!

The first idea I have is to upcycle or repurpose items. Perhaps you have a piece of decor that you already own that you are no longer loving. You could spray paint it or use texture to change it up. I have used textured spray paint or terra cotta type paint to transform vases. You can also change up your furniture by painting it, sanding it down and re-staining it, or covering it with new fabric. You can also upcycle items that you find at a thrift store, garage sale, or online resale platform. It’s fun to find a reasonably priced piece and create something new out of it. In addition to this, you could repurpose items, like an old wine bottle, a jar, or some other recyclable items.

The second idea I have for you is to incorporate DIY decor. I just love unique and one of a kind decor pieces. When you create your own decor it is for sure one of a kind! Admittedly, I am not very skilled at making DIY decor. I do like to do home DIY projects, and I have built some furniture for our home. Most recently, last fall I made a pedestal table, and it’s fun to have this one of a kind piece in my home!

Another idea I have for you is to go thrifting! There are many places to go thrifting – antique malls, Etsy, Facebook Marketplace/Craigslist, garage sales/estate sales. It’s fun to hunt for treasures at these places. I really enjoy searching for vintage home decor while thrifting. You can often find creative pieces while thrifting, and the added bonus is this is an environmentally friendly option.

The fourth idea I have for you is to look for home decor on Etsy. There are a multitude of things you can find on Etsy, supporting small business owners and individual artists. I have purchased vintage items, downloadable prints, photography artwork, handmade pieces of art (like macramé), and unique floral stems (like pampas grass). Once again, you can find unique pieces to add to your home decor collection on Etsy.

I also enjoy shopping at local boutiques to find interesting home decor. I recognize not all cities have boutiques like this, and I’m sure I’m lucky to live in Austin where we have many! This is also another great way to support small business owners instead of shopping at big box stores.

The sixth idea is adding pieces of decor or furniture through inheriting them. Inheriting pieces from grandparents, parents, or other family members can be a great way to add to your decor collection. You can choose items that fit your style, but are also meaningful to you. When my grandmother passed away, my grandfather let us walk through the home and choose anything we wanted to remind us of our grandma. I chose this beautiful brass bird sculpture that reminds me of my grandma because she loved birds and bird watching. The brass aesthetic fits in with my style as well. It is a special piece of decor for my home.

You can also use books or other everyday home items when styling your spaces. We have many books that we would like to hold onto, but we are not going to necessarily read again. {{And by “we” I mean my husband!!}} I have used those books to style around our home. You could also use simple things like toilet paper stacked neatly on a bathroom shelf, or cotton pads and Q-tips displayed in a cute jar. I also have oil and vinegar bottles, and salt and pepper holders that are aesthetically pleasing to sit out on my kitchen counter doubling as decor.

Another idea I have for you is to use organizing tools as decor. I love choosing baskets or bins to corral things, but also to look pleasing to the eye. Whether it’s on a shelf or inside a cabinet, these items can serve dual purpose – for practical purposes, but also as decor.

The ninth idea I wanted to share is to use mass manufactured pieces sparingly. I do sometimes find pieces at big box stores or other nation-wide chains, but I like to just sprinkle those items amongst the decor pieces I purchased from other places mentioned above. When these items are styled along with these other unique pieces it makes it look less like a mass manufactured piece. In addition to this, you can look for pieces that look more artisan which will make it look more like a one of a kind piece.

Lastly, I wanted to share with you to look for dupes of higher end items. I will sometimes find a high end item that I absolutely love, but I just can’t spend the money on it. The internet provides an easy way to find dupes to add to your home. I have been eyeing that popular Anthropologie mirror, the Gleaming Primrose mirror. I was able to find a similar mirror on Amazon for a fraction of the cost! Pieces like this can make your home decor collection seem more upscale and artisan.

I hope these 10 creative home decor ideas were helpful for you today! I wanted to share this because I am so passionate about curating beautiful and unique home decor pieces as I pursue creating intentional spaces in my home! 

Here is the YouTube video I created in conjunction with this blog post.

FEELING LIKE A FRAUD

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to address something that I’ve been thinking about lately and that is feeling like a fraud. This is something most people experience at some point in their lives. This is such a common way to feel. So much so that psychologists have coined the phrase “imposter syndrome” to describe this feeling. Two clinical psychologists, Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes first identified and named this phenomenon back in 1978. The definition for imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like a “fraud” or “a phony” and doubting their abilities. 

I wanted to talk about this, because I feel like it is one of those taboo subjects that people feel this way, but don’t talk about it. Like I mentioned, it is natural to feel like a fraud from time to time. Often, it is just not true. We only see people from external appearances or what they portray – either on social media or in real life. Often we are comparing our internal feelings about ourselves to the external things we see others doing or accomplishing. I want to encourage you today to see things from a proper perspective when you are having those feelings. I want to share some practical things you can do when you are having this feeling. Feeling like a fraud can be a sign of self-sabotage, so be aware of that and then be intentional about addressing your feelings. 

The first thing you can do is self-talk. When you have negative thoughts that come into your head – telling you that you are not enough, you are not competent, or not successful – you can acknowledge that you feel that way, but remind yourself that you ARE enough, you ARE competent, you ARE successful. If you can’t do this just in your head, perhaps process these feelings with a friend or use a journal to write down your fears around feeling like a fraud. We must find a way to break the cycle of ruminating and turn our thoughts towards the positive. 

Along with this, you can make a 2-column list with ways you are inadequate and ways you are competent. Sometimes writing it out you may realize you are far more competent than you think, and this can help bring perspective.

You might say, but what if my inadequacy list IS longer than my competent list? Then I would encourage you to reframe your inadequacies. Often acknowledging our inadequacies is the beginning of growth. Look at your struggles as a way to learn and become stronger! Being realistic with yourself, evaluating areas of life you do need to work on, and coming up with strategies to make changes may give you some peace of mind.

Talking to someone who knows you well about your feelings can be really beneficial. Getting feedback from a trusted friend or family member can help you to have a better perspective. We are often much harder on ourselves than others are on us. Trusted friends or family members know you well enough to give honest feedback, but also see you in a different light than you see yourself.

Lastly, be gracious with yourself. We often forget that we are aware of both the internal and external portrayals of ourselves and therefore can be hard on ourselves. Remind yourself that you are only human. You cannot be perfect and you will make mistakes. But that’s all a part of the growth and learning process!

I wanted to share a personal anecdote with you about feeling this imposter syndrome. We all second guess ourselves. Recently I added some new pieces to my bedroom – a new throw blanket and pillow. That day I was thinking about how much I talk on my YouTube channel and here on my blog about minimalism and intentional spending. I also do a fair amount of decluttering on my channel as I continue to pursue minimalism. Sometimes when I bring new items into my home and share it on my channel I feel a bit like a fraud. Like why am I buying more things when I am trying to create a space that is minimal?

First of all, whenever you’re on a journey of any kind, it is just that – a journey! By the definition, it is an ongoing process and not a point where you arrive. So, pursuing minimalism is a journey for me. I may make mistakes along the way – I may make poor decisions, but ultimately I am trying to be intentional with what comes into my home. Most of the time with items like these two items – it is not an impulse purchase. I think about it several days before I decide to purchase the items. Also, these items are practical. Like I mentioned, we needed cooler blankets for the warmer months, and the pillow was just a cover to add to my existing pillow, just a design that I think works better for warmer weather.

 In addition to this, one thing that I am always trying to balance in my home is making my spaces warm, cozy, and inviting, without having too much clutter. I love decorating our spaces to make our home a place that my family and friends feel comfortable and enjoy being in. Ever since I did my no spend year back in 2019 I am definitely more intentional about what I purchase. I used to just peruse the aisles of Target or Home Goods, do online shopping, or be influenced by what others had and were sharing on social media. Now I am far less tempted to do this and find it an even more creative process to curate the items that come into my spaces or wardrobe.

Does this mean I will always be perfect in my shopping choices? NO! Even if I’m intentional about what I purchase, you never know how much you will love something or how well it will serve you. You make the best decisions with the knowledge you have!

Keeping your focus on your values instead of perfection will help tremendously in feeling confident in who you are. Success is not a point in time, it is a continual process, so there will be ups and downs.

I hope this chat was helpful or resonated with some of you. As always, I love to hear your thoughts in the comments! If you feel comfortable, let me know if you have felt like a fraud before and what was your experience!

The YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

REMAINING LOYAL

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Hello friends, today I’m sharing another Thoughtful Thursday post with you. I wanted to talk about remaining loyal. As someone who considers myself an empath, I feel like loyalty is just something that comes naturally to me. I am maybe sometimes loyal to a fault and hang onto relationships, jobs, or other commitments longer than I should. But in this society where it’s much easier to give up on something or on a relationship and move along to the next thing, it’s so important for us to lean into and keep working at something even when it gets difficult. Many times there is something absolutely beautiful on the other side of the struggle and on the other side of really working things out. And in the meantime you become a stronger person, and a better version of yourself for having stuck it out!

I was thinking about this topic of loyalty recently as I just celebrated 27 years of marriage over this past weekend. I wanted to share some of the thoughts that I shared in a blog post 2 years ago when I devoted an entire post to a tribute to my marriage to celebrate my 25th wedding anniversary. I can link that post right here if you would like to read it. But I wanted to share some additional thoughts with you.

When you’ve been married for this long, sometimes people will say things like “what’s the secret?” But honestly, I don’t think there is a secret. I kind of feel like “secrets” are a myth. I think there are only obvious answers in life, but usually people don’t like the obvious answers. The obvious answers usually require hard work. When someone is fit and you want to know how they stay fit, it’s probably the obvious answer – they workout and eat healthy, drink plenty of water and get good sleep. It’s the same thing with marriage – you remain loyal when times get tough, you forgive, you ask for forgiveness, you give grace and compassion, and show humility.

But, HOW do you do that? I recognize that is all easier said than done. I will share with you that I can’t imagine being so dedicated to my marriage if it weren’t for my faith in Jesus. In the Bible in Philippians 2:3 it says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others better than yourselves.” This is one of the principles I strive to live by. In all relationships, but especially in marriage. Believe me, there are times when I have to fight to believe this and live it out! It is certainly not always easy.

Also, marriage has not always been easy! That’s when I have learned to lean into Jesus and trust that He is refining me and making me more like him through my marriage. It also helps me to not put all of my hope and faith in a person {{my husband}} but recognizing that he is human and will let me down at times.

 Loving someone unconditionally for 27 years is not easy – and I’m not just talking about me loving my husband, I’m talking about my husband loving me! It goes both ways. We both believe in the 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 passage regarding love. We may not always feel it, but we have to keep coming back to this passage:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

But these ideas translate to other relationships and other commitments we are loyal to. It’s not always easy to work things out with a friend when you have differences. It’s not easy to stick with a tough job, but like I mentioned at the beginning of the post, oftentimes there is great reward on the other side of remaining loyal.

I will say, it can be difficult to know sometimes if something is just difficult or if you’re just going through a rough patch versus if something is actually toxic. Sometimes relationships, jobs, or obligations in life become toxic and you must be self aware enough to know that line. Sometimes it’s helpful to talk to a professional to process through that to determine the difference. But I personally like to err on the side of working through the tough times.

I hope these thoughts were helpful or encouraging to you today! Check out my YouTube video I made in conjunction with this post, linked below!

HOW TO STOP WORRYING

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday video I wanted to share with you how to stop worrying. As I type that I realize this is a tall order! It sounds so much more easily said than done. But before I get into that, I thought I would share a little bit of a back story on my journey with worry and anxiety.

I have struggled with anxiety my entire life – or at least as long as I can remember. Even as a young child I remember being worried or nervous about all sorts of things. As a result of this I struggled with GI issues, and started regularly taking antacids in my teens to combat the symptoms. I was mostly able to manage my anxiety and GI issues throughout my young adulthood. I did this mostly through trying to control my environment. Keeping my spaces cleaned and organized definitely helped ease my anxiety. Also, keeping physical clutter to a minimum helped.

However, as I grew older, slowly over time more and more responsibilities and things piled on me. First it was getting married, and learning to manage not only my things, but my husband’s things as well. Then our daughter came along, and two more children after that. The responsibilities and the THINGS kept multiplying. I suppose it was a mercy that I only added to our chaos a little at a time, however it was like that analogy of a frog in a cool pot of water that began to get hot and boil over time – so that it wasn’t noticeable that more responsibilities and stuff were creeping in.

When our youngest son was a toddler I started struggling with severe anxiety symptoms. I struggled with periodic panic attacks, which began to disrupt my life. My doctor diagnosed me with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and prescribed Xanax, which I could take when the symptoms were unmanageable. I was able to cope like this for several years, until my anxiety reached a point where it was affecting my everyday life. The journey that ensued is a whole other story, but ultimately I ended up seeing a holistic doctor and discovering that I had multiple food sensitivities, exasperating my anxiety. I was thankful to have answers, and with diet and supplements I have been able to manage for over 12 years now.

But something I have learned since then is the power of my thoughts. I have learned the importance of positive self talk – replacing negative thoughts or negative things I tell myself with positive ones. I also learned about the power of the unconscious mind and started adding sleep meditations and positive affirmations to my daily routines. 

In addition to this, recently I have been learning about stoicism and implementing these principles in my life. Something that has helped me greatly to deal with my anxiety is the idea of reframing. One of the stoics, Epictetus, said, “It’s not things that upset us, but our judgments about things.” When we worry, it is often about something bad happening, or about things not going the way we would like them to go. If we can learn to reframe our circumstances, not judging them as good or bad but accepting them as they are, then our worry dissipates. We must learn that all circumstances in life can be viewed as something that was meant to be for us – for our growth and maturity. When we let go of expectations of how things SHOULD go, we begin to feel peaceful. 

Another encouraging quote comes from the stoic Seneca and he said, “He who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.” Understanding that we are not in control of others’ nor our circumstances releases us from the responsibility to be in charge. Obviously we are in control of ourselves and everything we do, every decision we make has a consequence – whether good or bad. Therefore we have full control of those outcomes – for example choosing to go to bed at a reasonable time means you will get good sleep, and therefore will feel well rested in the morning. However, we cannot control other people, the traffic, the weather, etc. We must let go of that feeling that we can control it in order to experience the peace we long for. In my sleep example, we are in control of when we go to bed and when we get up, but we cannot control if a siren or a snoring spouse wakes us in the middle of the night.

Learning to be self aware of our thoughts and reframing our experiences, and learning to release control of things that we think we have control over but do not will help tremendously with extinguishing worry. Like I mentioned at the beginning of this talk – that certainly is easier said than done. Yes, this sort of inner work takes practice – and it is WORK, so it is not easy, but it is worth it!