FIX YOUR EYES ON THE RIGHT THING

Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to talk about a quote I shared over on Instagram earlier this week. The quote says, “sometimes one landmark helps us find our way when we are lost. Even though our location hasn’t changed, things become clear when we fix our eyes on the right thing.” How many of you out there are landmark direction givers? Don’t tell me to turn east here, and then south there! Tell me to turn right by the gas station and left by the Starbucks! It’s so much easier to find your way or remember a route by landmarks.

When we feel lost in life, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. Feeling lost is something I think everyone has felt at some point in life. It can happen after a setback, after a big life change, or even in the middle of success. The things that once gave us a sense of purpose and direction may start to fade, and we are left asking ourselves, what now? When we feel this way, the instinct may be to search frantically for clarity. Just like when you are physically lost you may feel frantic to find something, anything, to grab onto that will guide you back. But the truth is, what if when you feel lost the challenge isn’t to immediately find answers, but instead to just focus on the right things and the answers will emerge organically.

When confusion takes over, we often begin to obsess over what’s missing, what went wrong, or what others seem to have figured out that we don’t. But when we focus on the things that are outside of our control, this only makes us feel more disoriented. The first step to finding your way again is to shift your focus inward – to what you can control. That includes your mindset, your effort, and your willingness to keep moving forward even when the path ahead of you isn’t completely clear.

As a Christian, I find that seeking God through reading the Bible and prayer can help to ground me. Spending time daily with God is non-negotiable for me. The Bible is like a compass for me, and I know if I follow what God instructs in His word then I am on the right track. As I seek God, I find over and over again that the “right thing” really is quite simple: it’s to do the next right thing. Often when we feel lost it is because we are focusing too much on the whole journey or the big picture. Doing the next right thing can really keep you grounded. It could just be the seemingly insignificant daily healthy habits that we can lean into during a time of uncertainty. Like taking care of your body – exercising, eating healthy, and getting good sleep, connecting with friends and loved ones, or returning to or picking up a hobby that could bring joy to your life. These may seem simple or mundane, but these daily habits can provide momentum and lead to some clarity in the long run.

 Perhaps you are not a Christian and the idea of the Bible or prayer doesn’t resonate with you. But even if you don’t have that as a compass, you do have the things you value in life and priorities, which can help serve as a map towards clarity. When you’re lost, it can be easy to confuse direction with identity, but they aren’t the same. You can lose your way without losing yourself. Reflecting on what truly matters can keep you on the course towards clarity – like kindness, honesty, curiosity, compassion, love, or any other thing that you value. When you are living out those values it can keep that momentum going.

In a culture that glorifies constant productivity and certainty in purpose, it can be easy to feel like being lost is a failure. But more likely being lost it is an invitation in life to slow down and listen. Sometimes the right focus is not doing more, but instead being more present. The fog will begin to lift, maybe slowly, maybe VERY slowly, but not because you force it, but because you stop chasing every distraction and learn to trust that clarity will come when you are ready for it!

FEELING LOST

Okay friends, I think I have said this before but this was another one of those weeks that I was really struggling to know exactly what I wanted to share. I have several topic ideas simmering, but I feel like I just can’t flesh them out right now. And honestly, it may relate to what I have been feeling lately, and the topic I wanted to talk about today. For a lack of a better way to describe it I have been feeling lost lately. I’m in a weird life stage right now where I have adult children, but two of the three of them still live with us. We are honestly in a bit of a standstill in life right now, and maybe that is making me feel lost? We have talked about downsizing before, but without sharing a bunch of details about our situation, we have decided it is best to stay in the home we are currently in. It’s just not the right timing yet. Not to mention it financially makes sense to stay in our home because of the interest rates!

Everyone has a different “mid-life” experience. {{I don’t want to call it a mid-life crisis because I don’t like that term!}} Maybe I feel extra lost because I never really had a career that I developed since my focus was on raising my kids and taking care of our home. I did have a couple of part time jobs, and I also worked with non for profit organizations when my kids were younger, and then I ran my own business as a professional organizer for a few years. I’ve always kept busy but nothing consistent or cohesive, so now I’m in this phase of trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life and career.

In addition to feeling a little lost as far as my career, I think there are a lot of things that happen in this stage of life that people don’t talk about. Understandably so as it is difficult and painful things, and quite honestly hard to articulate the feelings around it. I am at the age where my kids are moving out or just getting older and moving towards leaving home and it’s hard to have a different family dynamic as they age. There are a lot of wonderful things about having adult children, but it does take getting used to parenting them in a different way as they turn into young adults. This is also the age where our parents begin to decline in health as they begin to age and you are really faced with the reality of their mortality. I did lose my biological father back in 2020, but I’m thankful that my mom and stepdad are still in fairly good health, and we have longevity on that side of the family as my grandfather turns 98 this month! But my husband’s parents are declining, so that reality has hit hard.

During this life phase it is easy to feel regret about everything you didn’t do with your life leading up to this point. It’s important to focus on the positive and remember all the things you did right. Also, I frequently remind myself – like I would a friend – that if I’m worried I didn’t do enough, then I probably was a good parent because I care enough to worry! 

I think for me personally, all of these feelings are coming up because one of our kids will be moving – not just out of the house, but across the country to the pacific northwest in less than a month! Big life changes like this cause us to evaluate our lives and decide if we want or need to make some changes. And honestly, this is also triggering my anxiety. If you have been around a while then you might have heard me talk about my struggles with anxiety. When I was in my mid 30’s I was actually diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. While I have learned a lot of ways to manage it on my own without medication, there are life circumstances that can trigger it. I think I have been decluttering more around my home lately as part of a coping mechanism. I have more to say on that topic, but I will save that for another Thoughtful Thursday!

Since I was really struggling to know what to share, I thought I would just share with you what has actually been on my mind lately. I hope that this resonated with someone or made someone feel not as alone today. If you are going through life transitions – whatever they might be – I am sending you a big hug today!

The YouTube video I made in conjunction with this blog post.