NO BUY/LOW BUY JANUARY INSIGHTS

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Okay friends, for this week’s Thoughtful Thursday post, I wanted to share the insights I have gained so far from participating in a no buy/low buy year. I have actually been quite surprised that I have already experienced the benefits and gained so much insight just in the first month!

The first insight in doing this low buy year is it has made me hyper aware of how much money we spend! And since I am doing a low buy as opposed to “no buy,” I’m just talking about the necessities. I’m realizing how expensive life is even without the extras! This has caused me to evaluate some of our “necessities” like subscriptions we have and if they are actually worth continuing. I have already eliminated one subscription and there is another one I believe I will be discontinuing. In addition to being hyper aware of how much we are spending, I have also become aware of what others are spending. Not in a judgmental sort of way, but just in a noticing sort of way. The other day I was watching a haul on YouTube and I was just thinking about how she was going to have to deal with all of that stuff she brought into her home – clean, organize, and maintain it. And potentially make decisions around decluttering it one day. Doing this no buy/low buy year has made me more aware of consumerism, which is causing me to evaluate my own behavior.

The next insight that I have had on this low buy journey is how much extra we have on hand. Like food in our pantry and freezer, toiletries, and cleaners. I am being more intentional with what I purchase and working to use up what we have on hand. My husband and I currently have two of our three adult children living with us, so as a family of four adults we don’t need as much as we have had on hand. This has also caused me to get creative with the food we have in our pantry and freezer and make meals around what we already have available.

In addition to realizing I don’t need as much extra on hand as I have, I’m also realizing that I don’t need as many options as I have available to me. Because of this, I find that I am becoming more critical of my possessions and being more realistic with myself if I actually am using or loving certain items. I just did a whole house declutter the other day, which I shared the process over on my YouTube channel vlog style if you want to check that out! I’m realizing that I would rather have less to take care of than to have a lot of options available to me. I also recently decluttered my makeup collection and it has been so nice to have a more curated collection, which has made it much easier to get ready each day.

Lastly, I feel like this low buy year so far has caused me to be more creative. I didn’t think I was spending a lot of time shopping, but perhaps I was spending more time than I realized or perhaps just thinking about items that I potentially wanted to purchase was taking up brain space. Now I have more time and brain space for other things, like being creative! As I mentioned, I have been a lot more creative in the kitchen as I work to use what we have on hand. Also, on this note, having a more curated makeup collection has actually caused me to be more creative with the makeup I do have! I have to get creative with less makeup to work with. I have also been more creative with my YouTube channel – with editing, but also pursuing ideas that I have had but felt I didn’t really have time for. I recently started a decluttering with friends series on my channel where I will be filming in some friends’ homes to help them get their spaces decluttered and organized.

I am really excited to continue this journey to see what other insights I gain as the year progresses! I’m also just excited at the prospect of this no buy/low buy year really being a catalyst for pursuing minimalism. I have been pursuing minimalism for close to ten years now and I think this low buy year will really help as the inflow of items into my home slows down!

Here is the YouTube video I made in conjunction with this blog post.


DESIRING CHANGE

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Hey friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to talk about desiring change in life. I thought this was an appropriate topic since recently I have been changing things up around my home. Also, I think a lot of people use the new year as an excuse to change things up – either in their lives, or in their environment. For me this new year I have desired change now more than I have in past years. I mentioned that I am doing a no buy year this year, and I am doing an additional challenge each month this year. In January I have been doing dry January and abstaining from alcohol. Along with my no buy year, I am being more intentional about the food I purchase and focusing more on whole foods and cooking from scratch. So far things are going amazingly well, but I do recognize we are only 3 weeks into the new year so things may get more challenging as the year proceeds. But I’m already seeing some wonderful benefits from the changes I have made, which I will talk about next Thursday as I plan to debrief about my no buy year at the end of each month.

So, with all of this change, it got me thinking about why we would pursue change in life. At first I was just thinking about my desire to rearrange my furniture and remove things from my spaces. I have heard that it is good to change things up in our physical spaces, but the more I thought about it I realized that it is just another manifestation of my desire for change. While change is an inevitable part of life, sometimes we choose change. Desiring change is most likely a symptom of a desire for personal growth, dissatisfaction with career or life in general, or a realization that our current lifestyle does not align with our values or aspirations. 

In addition, upon doing a quick Google search about desiring change, a theme that came up was desiring change could be a trauma response. If we have past trauma that is unresolved, or we are in the midst of current trauma, naturally we want an escape from that. We may use our external environment, which we have control over, to change things up as a way of searching for peace and to calm our anxiety. I really think this is only a temporary fix, and if we don’t find healing for our trauma we will continue in this cycle of trying to find the “perfect” set up in our homes, the “perfect” amount of stuff. We are really searching for internal peace, but using our external environment to try to achieve that.

Often we desire change, and may take some steps towards change, but don’t have follow through or sustained change in habits. Breaking old habits and/or adopting new ones is not easy. It takes persistence, patience, and resilience. We must be prepared to face setbacks, discouragement, or criticism along the way – making it difficult to stay the course. While change is difficult, I have found so often it is more rewarding than I anticipated. It is worth pursuing change with tenacity if you find you really need a change in life.

While change is not easy, we can embrace it and navigate it successfully. The first step is self awareness. Recognizing you want or need a change in life isn’t always easy to acknowledge. But acknowledging it, and taking some time to self reflect and accept why you need or want a change is helpful in embracing the change effectively. Once we have acknowledged the need for change, we can begin to make a plan to execute the change. We must come up with detailed actions we plan to take in order to achieve the goal. While admittedly this year I have made a lot of changes at once, typically it is better to focus on small gradual changes as this more often will lead to sustainable change and make the transition less overwhelming. Also, when we focus on small changes we will have that immediate gratification of seeing the small wins which will propel us to keep going.

Having a positive mindset in this time of change will also help us to be successful. Reminding ourselves daily why we have incorporated this new habit, or ditched old negative habits will keep us on course. Surrounding ourselves with people – friends or mentors – who will encourage us on our journey will also help. I joined a Discord group with other people who are doing a no buy year and it’s encouraging to see their wins and to just have that camaraderie with others who are working towards similar goals. Practicing self compassion when you do fail is so important. It is easy to throw our hands in the air and give up completely when we fail, but we must view failure just as a learning experience instead of a reason to give up. We must view it as an opportunity to grow in reliance and confidence.

Lastly, we must take action. Maybe this is obvious, but so many times in my life I stayed in the planning and preparation phase. I once heard an author describe this as circling the runway instead of landing the plane. While planning and preparation are absolutely important, real change happens when we start taking steps towards the goal, even if it is baby steps. We must remain consistent. And as I have said many times before – progress over perfection. Keep taking those steps forward, recognizing that you will not always do things perfectly. 

Well friends, I hope this chat encouraged or inspired you in some way! Please let me know your thoughts on my thoughts down in the comments! 

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

FUN MINIMALISM GAME: SILENCING A ROOM

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For today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about a concept I recently learned about from another YouTuber. In her video she talked about the idea of silencing or quieting a room. I have been on this journey towards minimalism and decluttering for almost 10 years now and I’m always looking for different ways to level up in order to challenge myself further on this journey. The basic idea of silencing a room is to remove everything from the space (or most things) in order to reset it to square one, and then bring items back into the space as necessary.

I decided to try this technique for the first time in our living room. I know this might work better in a more functional space, like a bathroom or bedroom, but I decided it was a good space to start in our home since this space was fairly minimal to begin with. I did challenge myself to remove items from this space and to live with it for about a month to see how I feel. 

As I pursue minimalism, one of the challenges I have faced is finding the balance between creating spaces which are minimal and easy to maintain while also feeling cozy and inviting. Our living room is definitely one of those spaces I have been working on to create that perfect balance. I was surprised by how much I was able to remove from this space and as I have lived with it for a few days, I still feel like it feels cozy and not sterile.

I do think when we are pursuing minimalism it can be a slow process. I know for me I have decluttered our home slowly and in phases over the last 10 years. I have been married for almost 30 years, so I decided it took 20+ years to accumulate all of our possessions, so it might take a while to declutter them. Doing it slowly and in phases has helped me to not feel as overwhelmed. However, when we are slowly decluttering we may not notice our progress. I highly encourage you to take photos or videos of your spaces as you are on a decluttering journey so you can chronicle your progress. I’m thankful that I have a YouTube channel which has organically allowed me to keep track of this progress as I have so many videos on my channel of how my home has transformed over the past 5 years.

Here is one item I removed from my living room. I am not quite ready to declutter this piece, I was just removing it from the space for now.

Sometimes we can feel like we are not making much progress and that is why documenting with photos or videos can be helpful. But I wanted to share a story with you of something that really made me recognize my progress. Over the holidays I was at a friend’s home for a party. I always viewed this friend as being minimal and she and I have similar home decor taste. Granted I know her Christmas decor was up, but sitting in her living room I realized how minimal my home and home decor was compared to hers. Don’t get me wrong, her home is beautiful, clean, and organized, but the difference was striking to me. I had never noticed how much more decor she had than me being in her home before.

One of the greatest benefits of decluttering and pursuing minimalism is having less to take care of. Less to clean, less to organize, less to manage. When we have less to manage we are able to pursue other things. We have more time to invest in hobbies and relationships, which I find to be far more fulfilling than taking care of stuff.

I am excited to implement this concept in other spaces around my home in order to challenge myself to potentially declutter even more! The more we declutter, the more we build those muscles, and it gets easier! I shared a video over on my YouTube channel of the process of silencing my living room. If you would like to check it out I will link it below!

Here is the video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

ORGANIZATION MAINTENANCE

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For today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about a couple of things. First, I wanted to share how important organization maintenance is and I also wanted to talk a little bit about my plans for 2025 for food purchases in light of my no buy year. Of course we have to buy food, but I am just going to be more intentional about it.

So first I wanted to talk about how one tip in keeping your home organized is to maintain your organized spaces. Maybe this is an obvious point, especially for spaces like the pantry that have a high turnover rate. But we can sometimes neglect maintaining our organized spaces after we have done the initial process of getting it organized. Having an organization framework with organization tools will definitely help to make it easier to keep your spaces organized, but they do need to be maintained, and sometimes revamped completely like I did with my pantry as your individual or household needs change.

Our homes and possessions are ever evolving, so we need to recognize how we organize should evolve as well. As we transition through different life stages our needs change. We have different possessions based on what life phase we are in, or based on our hobbies and other needs. When my kids were younger and we had very busy schedules I relied more on processed or pre packaged foods for packing lunches or even to make a quick, easy dinner. My pantry looked very different 10, even 5 years ago based on a different life stage and different needs. Keeping our spaces organized is just one of those homemaking tasks that will be ever present! Like dishes and laundry!

The other thing I wanted to talk about today is how I’m being more intentional with the food I purchase in 2025 as a part of my no buy year. There were a lot of items I used to purchase at Costco that I will no longer purchase. I want to focus on primarily having whole foods on hand and not as much processed and pre packaged foods. This is why I decided to transform pantry into a primarily ingredient pantry so that it was easier for me to see the healthy snack or food options in general at the front of the pantry, or as I like to call the prime real estate area.

The other thing I am going to change is to not purchase so much back stock to have on hand. I don’t mind having a certain amount, but I would like to be more reasonable than I have been in the past. Currently there are four people living here, so I see no need to have a ton of extra food on hand. In general, as I pursue minimalism, I’m realizing the value of not having a bunch of back stock on hand – whether it’s food, cleaning products, toiletries, or beauty products. It’s easier to maintain our organized spaces the less inventory we have on hand! I am being really conscientious about using up what we have on hand before purchasing more and making my meal plans around what I already have on hand. This will require me to buy less. Also, if I want to try a new recipe that calls for an obscure spice or ingredient that I don’t keep on hand, I will see if there is any substitute that would work that I already have. Lower inventory equals less to take care of equals more time and more peace!

Okay friends, that is all I have to share for today’s Thoughtful Thursday! I hope you enjoyed hearing what I had to share today! Please let me know your thoughts on my thoughts down in the comments!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

 

MY NO BUY YEAR 2025

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday video I wanted to talk to you about my no buy or low buy year in 2025. I know I mentioned that I might be doing this in 2025 and I have officially decided that this would be a really good challenge for me this year. Shout out to one of my newer YouTube friends Leah, who really pushed me over the edge to encourage me to do this challenge! She is also doing a no buy challenge! She also has a discord group for anyone doing a no buy year and it’s already been amazing to connect with some like minded people!

I have done a no buy year in the past. It has been a while as that was back in 2019. I chronicled the whole process through blog posts here on my website so you can search back through and read those if you are interested. I decided to go back and skim through some of those blog posts as I wanted to recap lessons I learned so that I can get the most out of this round two of no buy year. The primary thing I would like to be conscientious about is how I am spending my time. I did learn that doing a no buy year actually gave me more extra time than I expected. At first I was not utilizing my extra time in a productive way, so I want to be sure to be aware of that this time around. I also want to be aware of not replacing shopping with other unhealthy vices. Instead I would like to replace it with things that are meaningful or will be good for me in the long run.

My primary goal with this no buy year is to really eliminate vices I use in my life to avoid doing difficult things, or to avoid self reflection/self growth. Something as simple as house projects I am avoiding. They need to get done, but I do other things and ignore them and then they keep piling up. I would like to tackle all of these house projects I have been avoiding, some for years. I think this shift will also help me to be more creative in general, and help me to step outside of my comfort zone more.

Another reason I want to do this is because I recognize that when you are trying to pursue minimalism or a simplified life, it is important to pay attention to the inflow as much as decluttering or the outflow. If we are continuing to purchase things without being intentional about our purchases, we can end up just constantly working at decluttering but not see much progress.

SO, let’s get to the details of this now buy year. Obviously it’s technically more of a low buy year because I will be purchasing basic necessity items. I will be purchasing food, toiletries, cleaners and anything I need for basic everyday needs. However, with regard to food, I will not be buying as much processed food as I have in the past. I will keep some convenience foods on hand, because I know for our family right now it’s impractical to not have any on hand. I will be transforming my pantry into a primarily ingredient based pantry and I will be sharing that process on my YouTube channel later this month! I will talk in more detail about food and how that will play out with my no buy year in the video where I makeover my pantry!

The main thing I want to focus on for this no buy year is clothing. I know that my biggest vice is shopping for clothes. I do feel like after my previous no buy year I got much better at being intentional with what came into my house in general, but even with clothes. I feel like slowly over the last 5 years I have gotten worse about truly being intentional, so this no buy year will be a reset for me. The only exceptions will be if I need to replace something – but I will be really ruthless with myself if it ACTUALLY needs to be replaced. The other exception will be purchasing a dress for my sister’s wedding. I may be able to use one I have, but I will allow myself to purchase a new one for that occasion. In addition to clothing I also will not purchase any new shoes or accessories. Again, I do have one exception because I really need a new computer bag, which I have been on the hunt for all year without luck! I also will not be purchasing any new home decor. But I will be purchasing items for all of those home projects that need to get done!

One category I want to address is health and beauty. I will purchase items that run out or need to be replaced, but I have a good morning and evening skin care routine that I am going to stick to and I’m not going to purchase additional products. I also regularly purchase vitamins and supplements and I will continue to purchase those as well as I find that health and fitness are one of my top priorities.

I am really excited about what this year will bring with this huge challenge I am undertaking! I’m also nervous, because I do remember that it was definitely difficult the last time I did it! I would love to hear what your thoughts are about this no buy year challenge. Have you ever done anything like this? If so, what was your experience with it? I would love to hear from you in the comments!

The YouTube video I shared in conjunction to this blog post.

NO SPEND YEAR IN 2025?

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I decided I wanted to talk about some of my ideas moving into the new year. This will be the final Thoughtful Thursday of the year because I will not be posting the week of Christmas. My son will be in town and I want to just focus on enjoying time with family that week!

So, in case you didn’t know this, I just turned 50 last month and I feel like it has caused me to really evaluate life. Well, really I have been quite introspective over the last 5 years or so. I have been constantly evaluating how I spend my time, energy, and resources. And I have done a lot of challenging things to intentionally push myself outside of my comfort zone to try to become a better person. I recently watched a documentary on Netflix entitled Buy Now. It is all about consumerism in Westernized culture and how marketing has gotten so specific with the rise in popularity of social media. One thing I have shared in the past as a decluttering tip is to be mindful not just of the outflow but also the inflow. You can do a ton of decluttering and consistently make that a part of your everyday or every week routines, but if you continue to bring things into your home it will feel like you have not made progress.

As I was watching this documentary I was evaluating my own recent spending habits and decided that I would like to make some changes. If you have been following me on social media you might know that I did a lot of traveling in 2024. Because of those trips, I purchased more clothes this year than I have in many years. Back in 2019, I decided to do a no spend year as a way to really deal with my spending habits especially with regards to clothes and home decor. I feel like I learned so much that year. I chronicle this experience here on my blog by writing a monthly blog post during that no spend year, so you can go back and read those. But this year, as I really evaluate things, I think some of those old spending habits have crept back in. 

Watching this documentary made me realize that some of it has to do with marketing, particularly on social media apps. I was talking with a friend about it and she also mentioned how easy it is to purchase things now through links – whether that is on a social media app or through an influencer. She talked about how all the “pain points” are removed. Oftentimes our credit card information is saved on our phone, or through Instagram, Amazon, or Google pay. Our name and address are also saved. We no longer need to enter all that information in and with one click we can have what we want.

So, with all of this said, I am considering doing a no spend year again in 2025! I haven’t fully decided if I am going to do this. I have also thought about alternatively “fasting” from something each month of next year. I’m still pondering all these details. If I do a no spend year, it will again be focused on clothes, shoes, accessories, and home decor. I will need to purchase things for fixing up our home, because there is a long to do list for home maintenance! One reason I thought about implementing this no spend year is because I remember one of the huge benefits of cutting shopping out of my life is how much extra time I had! I know that sounds a bit silly. But I am so bad at making decisions – deciding which color and which size and measuring to determine which size, and reading reviews, then often having to return things that didn’t fit. It just wastes a lot of time!

One thing I know about myself is that I am really good at keeping up with everyday responsibilities, and keeping up with healthy habits and routines, but when it comes to extra things that need to get done, I keep putting those on the back burner. Like I mentioned, there are a lot of projects that need done around our house that just take time to research and make decisions and I want to focus on that throughout this next year. Also, I truly thought I was done decluttering, but I am still noticing some things around my house that I could let go of. I want to continue to focus on decluttering our home and watching to see the difference it makes to mostly stop the inflow!

Let me know what kind of plans you have for the new year! I don’t necessarily like the term New Year’s Resolutions, but if that’s what you call them – let me know what yours are! Let me know what goals you have for 2025 or what ideas you have brewing for the new year!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post!

5 BENEFITS OF MINIMAL HOLIDAY DECOR

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to share with you the 5 benefits of having minimal Christmas decor. I thought this was a great topic for this time of year as we all begin to get our holiday decor out! And before I get into that, just want to make a disclaimer and say I fully appreciate people who like to go maximalist for the holidays! If you enjoy having an abundance of decor for the Christmas season and it works for you then go for it! I just wanted to share the benefits of less!

The first benefit of minimal Christmas decor is that it saves you time! It takes less time to put up the decor and it also takes less time to take it down. Around the holidays is such a busy time of year with extra obligations and events to attend. There is shopping, wrapping, filling out Christmas cards, holiday parties, and end of the season children’s events to attend! Not to mention the extra baking and cooking this time of year! Having extra time is always a good thing, but especially around the holidays!

The second benefit is that you are able to fully enjoy the items you have to display. With a curated holiday collection of decor, you are able to appreciate each piece fully! You are able to focus on quality over quantity, and each piece becomes that much more special. For me, an extra side benefit of this is that you are more intentional about what you purchase for holiday decor, not overspending on decor during a season where there is more financial burden than the rest of the year.

The next benefit of minimal holiday decor is it prevents overstimulation. The holiday season can be a season of overstimulation! This season is a time where excess seems to be acceptable – eating, drinking, socializing, gifts, and of course decor! All of this excess can be very overstimulating. We all have a different bandwidth for how much we are able to handle before we feel overstimulated. I admit that I think I have a lower threshold than most. But with less to visually consume each day, the less you will be stimulated. This is honestly true for decor year round! Overstimulation can lead to stress as well, so this also can prevent additional stress in what can be an already stressful season.

The fourth benefit is that minimal Christmas decor promotes creativity and personalization. With minimal decor, it affords you the opportunity to get creative. I like to arrange my holiday decor differently every year. This helps me to not be as tempted to purchase new decor each year. I like to find not only a different space to style my items around my home, but also styling them in a new way. I chose to style the white ceramic trees on my coffee table this year, which lead to me coming up with this whole white theme idea! Last year I styled these trees on my mantel {{see photo above.}} It also encourages personalization and uniqueness as you curate your collection intentionally and style it in a creative way. There is something to be said for being intentional with what you purchase and collecting unique pieces over time. 

Lastly, with minimal Christmas decor we are able to focus more on the holiday spirit – spending time with loved ones, enjoying holiday gatherings and traditions, or cooking and baking special holiday treats and meals. Focusing more on the essence of the season – family, friends, and memories, instead of getting lost in excessive decor will be more meaningful in the long run.

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

SLOWING DOWN

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about how when we slow down, it creates a perspective shift in life. In today’s culture, productivity and busyness seem to be praised above all else. It seems like it is a badge of honor to answer the question how are you doing with the answer: I’ve been so busy! But I would like to argue that busyness doesn’t necessarily equal productivity. And slowing down can give us the space we need to evaluate our lives and if what we are doing with our time and energy truly aligns with our goals and values.

One of the main reasons people hesitate to slow down is because they equate it with getting behind. In our westernized culture, we have been taught that busyness leads to success and success reveals our worth, measured by our output. This relentless pace can lead to stress and eventually burnout because it doesn’t leave room for creativity, introspection, or genuine connection with family and friends. On the other hand, people often equate slowing down with doing nothing, or worse laziness. But the truth is slowing down allows us to live life with intention and presence. By slowing down we leave space to evaluate our lives, our surroundings, and our thoughts and feelings. This introspection gives us insight into what we really want out of life. In the hustle and bustle of life, we can begin to focus on the immediate which can cause us to lose sight of what really matters!

Oftentimes, creative ideas arise from moments of quiet and reflection, not during moments of intense stress and busyness. Have you even awoken in the middle of the night with a great idea? Our bodies are able to slow down enough for our minds to wander and think about new possibilities. Slowing down fosters a mental state that is open and receptive, allowing us to come up with those new and creative ideas.

Slowing down can help us enjoy everyday tasks more as we shift our perspective to being present in each moment. So often we feel hurried and rushed, like we are living life against the clock. With the modern pace of life time can feel like a scarce resource and something to be managed and optimized, however if we are able to slow down we can experience a sense of flow and harmony as we take care of our daily tasks. When we slow down these everyday mundane tasks can actually be enjoyable as we live with a deliberate mindset. We begin to notice the small moments that can bring joy and peace into our lives. We might begin to truly experience things with all 5 senses, being fully attuned to the moment – something that is difficult to do when we are moving quickly and doing things just to get them done.

This week I decided to start eating my lunch outside in quietness. No phone, no YouTube video to watch, no talking to people. I tend to eat lunch by myself anyway. I started this practice as a way to slow down. Eating in silence has already helped me to be more aware. I feel like I eat so slow and I’m not sure if I am eating more slowly as I sit quietly in nature to eat, or if time is passing by more slowing because I’m not multitasking. I plan to do this for 30 days to see the long term benefits!

Slowing down enhances our relationships. As we take the time to truly listen to others and engage with them we deepen our connections and develop greater empathy. Instead of hurrying through conversations or multitasking while we are talking, we create that space for genuine connection.

Slowing down is not about withdrawing from life or avoiding responsibilities. It’s about being more present and mindful in the way we approach life. It’s about enjoying each moment to the fullest. It’s about giving ourselves permission to have space to pause and reflect. We move from a mindset of scarcity and urgency to one of abundance and presence. This shift allows us to see the beauty in the mundane, and to connect more deeply with ourselves and others.

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

ASK WHAT, NOT WHY

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about an idea I recently heard on a podcast. The host of the podcast was discussing with the interviewee about hardships in life and he suggested that instead of asking “why?” when we are going through trials we should ask “what?” Not why is this happening to me? But what should I do next? What could I learn from this? What is the purpose of this trial in my life?

I think it is human nature to ask “why me” when we are going through a difficult time in life. It’s human nature to want to understand why, to search for reasons. But the truth is we will likely never know why. Bad things happen to good people all of the time. We are wasting our energy, spinning our wheels, if we are just focused on trying to figure out why. If we shift our energy to answering “what” I think we will not only give purpose to our pain, but also we will find peace and contentment amidst the trial as we change our perspective. When we ask “what?” instead of “why?” We can focus on practical, actionable things which are more productive.

When we are going through something difficult in life, asking “why is this happening to me?” may lead to feelings of frustration or helplessness. Instead, asking “What can I do to improve this situation?” directs energy toward creating solutions and taking ownership. In this way, “what?” questions empower us by reinforcing the idea that, while we may not control external events, we can control our responses to them.

In personal growth and self reflection, asking “what?” questions can be transformative. When you ask questions like “why am I like this?,” “why do I keep doing x, y, or z?,” “why can’t I be more like this person or that person?” this keeps us caught in self doubt and insecurity. If we focus on what questions like “what can I learn from this?” or “what is in my control to change?” or “what small step can I take today towards becoming who I want to be?” encourages constructive thinking and leads us towards actionable goals.

“What?” questions can be helpful in relationships as well. In relationships “what?” questions tend to deepen understanding and empathy. “Why?” questions may feel accusatory and provoke defensiveness instead of mutual understanding. For example if you have a friend who is notoriously late and say, “Why are you always so late?” this can be perceived as an attack on their character instead of focusing on the issue at hand. If you say something like, “What usually causes you to be late?” it opens up the conversation to the actual issue at hand instead of perceived personal flaws.

Asking “what?” questions instead of “why?” questions helps us to feel more in control and there are actionable things we can do to change our circumstances or our perspective. When we focus on the “why” we stay in a defeatist mindset where we feel sorry for ourselves and just sulk about our circumstances which is not productive. Next time you catch yourself thinking a “why?” question, see if you can reframe to a “what?” question!

This is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

CURBING EXPECTATIONS

/ OrganizedWithJoy / Leave a comment

Okay friends, this week’s Thoughtful Thursday will be brief because I always share the content of these posts over on my YouTube channel in conjunction with sharing some sort of homemaking motivation and this week I did a lot of chatting in this video! I was decluttering and cleaning out my closet, so if you want to check that out I always have my YouTube videos linked at the bottom of each Thoughtful Thursday post. Perhaps this will make up for the extremely long one I shared last week! For this week’s topic I wanted to talk about a quote I shared over on Instagram earlier this week. It is a quote from Buddha and it says, “Don’t blame people for disappointing you. Blame yourself for expecting too much from them.”

I thought it was appropriate to discuss this idea to share while I’m cleaning out my closet because for a long time I really struggled with placing expectations on my husband. There were a lot of expectations I had, but today I will talk about this expectation that he would have the same desire for a clutter free environment and therefore put forth effort to declutter. I personally decided to stop having this expectation of him. I can lead by example, and I can do things to make decluttering more manageable for him, but I understand that he doesn’t really want to spend his free time decluttering.

We need to allow people to set boundaries and what they are capable or willing to do, recognizing that they will not always do things the way we want them to or the way we would do them. I like quoting Mel Robbins who brings up this idea often on social media and her podcast: she says “Let them.” We are not in control of other people and how they live their lives so we need to just let them. Let them live their lives the way they want to or need to live their lives. With most people, perhaps not with our spouse, we only see a small portion of their lives. We don’t know what they are going through. We don’t know what their social or emotional bandwidth is. We don’t know how much margin they have in their lives. So, to have expectations of people is really just not fair. We must have a perspective shift and take accountability for our REACTION to someone disappointing us.

On the other hand, it is okay for YOU to set your own boundaries as well. You are allowed to live your life the way you want to. Setting boundaries is not unkind. We are only responsible for our own choices and if we are intentional with our time and boundaries we will be able to sleep well at night even if others don’t agree with or understand our choices. Like I mentioned, no one knows what you go through on a daily basis, or what your bandwidth is. Only you know and get to choose how to spend your time based on your bandwidth.

The key here is perspective. We can lead happy and peaceful lives if we keep perspective. We have a choice on how to react or respond to the behavior of others. If someone disappoints you I think it is perfectly fine and healthy to have a conversation with that person. It’s okay to let someone know, especially if they are close to you, that they have disappointed you. But the key is to have an open mind with their response, allowing them to have boundaries. This isn’t a simple thing to do, but I have found I am much happier and at peace when I hold my expectations loosely.

The YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this post.