Month: August 2023

5 THINGS MINIMALISTS DON’T TALK ABOUT

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For today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about something I was wrestling with and thinking about during the process of decluttering old fall decor, and adding in the new pieces this year. If you missed it, on Tuesday I shared a video on my YouTube channel with my fall haul and old fall decor declutter. But I wanted to share with you what was going on behind the scenes in my mind. It did take me several days processing with friends and evaluating my reasoning behind why I decided to purchase new fall decor before I felt confident in my decisions.

If you have been reading my blog posts for a while, I am sure you have heard me talk about how I have been pursuing minimalism for several years now. As I processed through my decision to add new fall decor this year, I thought of 5 things most minimalists don’t talk about. I wanted to share these with you if you are on your own journey to become more minimal, or just on a decluttering journey. 

The first thing I wanted to share is that minimalism looks different for everyone. As a matter of fact, I wrote a blog post about this very topic. Because minimalism doesn’t have hard and fast rules, it can be difficult for me to navigate becoming more minimal. To be honest, I am the type of person who works better under rules, but I do appreciate the fluidity of minimalism. Everyone is in a different life stage, requiring different things. Everyone has different passions and hobbies, and different things are important to them. For me, I love making our home cozy and inviting. I do that with home decor, pillows, blankets, and art.

The second thing I wanted to share is you don’t stop purchasing things altogether when you are pursuing minimalism. One of the most difficult things for me is making decisions on bringing new pieces into my home. I like to be very intentional about what comes into my home, so I know I tend to overthink and overanalyze every purchase. It makes it difficult for me to make decisions, and I often feel guilty when I buy something new. But, I know logically that this is not healthy. I don’t think when you begin to pursue minimalism that means you will never buy anything again. That’s just not practical. For me, since home decor and styling is a passion and hobby of mine, that means I will be removing old decor that I don’t love as much as I once used to and replacing it with new items.

The third thing most minimalists don’t talk about is how decluttering is an ongoing process. Like I mentioned, there will most likely be new items coming into your home regularly. I am sure there are a small percentage of minimalists who purchase nothing new, but for most decluttering is just a part of the process. This is why you will see a monthly declutter with me video on my YouTube channel where I share everything I decluttered for that month. Decluttering is an ongoing habit I have incorporated into my routines. This is how I can keep our home minimal.

The fourth thing I wanted to share is that pursuing minimalism helps you to be more honest with yourself when evaluating your purchases. When I first started pursuing minimalism, I didn’t realize how this would cause me to be really cautious about the items I purchase. One of the things I spoke with a friend about regarding my new fall purchases was the idea that I might just be doing this for content and would I do this even if I didn’t have a YouTube channel. She wisely encouraged me, even if I was doing it for content, that would be okay! It is my job after all, and creation is part of the job! Even if that didn’t bring me solace, ultimately I do think I would have still replaced my old decor even if I wasn’t sharing it on YouTube. I am hyper aware of sharing on YouTube in an authentic way, while still creating aesthetically pleasing content.

The fifth and final thing minimalists don’t talk about is the struggle to remain balanced. It can be a challenge to fight against consumerism. Many people in Western culture buy new home decor every season! I think this is why I overanalyze my purchases. I wonder if I’m getting sucked back into consumerism, or if I am truly being thoughtful and intentional with my purchases. It can be difficult to remain disciplined about what you bring into your home. I think most minimalists don’t talk about how difficult it is! I hope one day I can get to the place where I’m confident in the balance.

I do find it a little comical in hindsight that I was feeling bad about replacing fall decor that I have now owned for almost 20 years! I remember purchasing a good portion of that decor when my son was a baby, and now next month he turns 20! So, I think it’s okay to replace it!

PARENTING ADULT CHILDREN + DROPPING KIDS OFF AT COLLEGE

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For today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about having adult children and dropping off kids at college. It is that time of year when some of us are saying goodbye to our kids, and I know that some of you out there are doing it for the first time! I honestly feel like not many moms with older children talk about the challenges, differences, and amazing things about having adult children. I’m not sure why we don’t talk about it. Perhaps it’s because we don’t know how to express the feelings you go through when launching an adult child, but I’m going to give it a shot today!

Obviously the most difficult part of adult children going off to college or moving out is that you miss them. I really don’t think that feeling ever goes away. You just learn a new way of life without them in your day to day life. I think I will always feel like a part of my heart is walking around out in the world without me.

In addition to missing them, you also miss the family dynamic when everyone is together. There is definitely a different dynamic when one or all of your kids move out of the house. It can be challenging to recalibrate after they leave and find a new family rhythm.

Probably one of the most difficult things for me as a mom of young adult children is letting go of control. Even though we did give our kids freedom, especially as they entered into the high school years, we still had some control over their lives and decisions. It can be challenging to allow them to make their own decisions. It’s a balancing act trying to learn how to give them advice and counsel without being too pushy. It also can be difficult to allow them to make mistakes and allow them to just learn on their own – which is just part of adult life!

Similar to letting go of control is letting them be who they are. I’m not sure how other moms felt when holding their newborn infant, but I can imagine many felt like me – holding hopes and dreams for this little baby’s future. It’s hard to not have expectations for your kids, but I learned to hold them loosely. You may want a mini me, or perhaps you want to live vicariously through your children and want them to have a totally different life than you had, either way it’s not healthy to have expectations of them. We have to allow them to be who they are and allow them to work through the process of discovering themselves. Many young adults in their early to mid twenties go through a process of figuring out who they are separate from their parents or family of origin. They may question family values or morals. Know that this is completely normal! While sometimes not easy to watch, you must tell yourself that you did the best you knew how in the moment to raise your kids well, and now it’s time for them to fly.

One thing I think parents with older kids don’t want to talk about is the idea: little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems. I don’t want to minimize the experience that mamas with littles have, because I remember how overwhelming and heavy it felt raising littles, but the reality is life is more complicated with adult children. I have told people before that every stage does not get easier, it gets different. And I guess that is the only way I can explain it. There are pros and cons to every stage of parenting. 

Something else I don’t think a lot of parents of adult children talk about is the fact that you actually go through the grief process when your kids go off to college or move out of the house. It is grieving the loss of what once was. It is grieving the loss of the parent/child relationship as you knew it. It is grieving the loss of the family dynamic you had when they were growing up. Some people don’t realize that you have to go through the stages of grief. Losing someone to death or divorce is not the only type of  loss. It can almost be more difficult when it’s this kind of loss, when your kids move out, because it’s not acknowledged as much as a death or divorce loss. It could also be the death of a dream you had for your child as they may not have the life you envisioned for them.

One thing that I think is particularly hard for moms who stayed at home is shifting your purpose. When the kids were young, life felt very purposeful and straightforward. As your kids get older you have to shift your purpose and find other things that can bring joy and meaning to your life! For me, I took a part time job when my youngest went to middle school, and then started my own business as a professional organizer when my youngest entered high school. Now I have shifted again and enjoy sharing creative content on Instagram and YouTube as well as writing blogs for my website. I still enjoy taking care of my family and helping where needed, it’s just I am needed less now that they are older and more independent. 

Something else that parents of adult children don’t talk about, because it is hard to explain, is the simultaneous sadness and joy you experience as you drop them off at college. You are so excited for them and for this life stage, but also really sad because it feels like you’re losing them. There aren’t really words to explain how this feels. It seems like such a juxtaposition, but you can have both happy and sad feelings at the same time, and it’s never truer than in that moment!

Okay, I feel like most of this talk seems like there are a lot of negative, hard, and emotional things about having adult children. But, I have to tell you: having adult children is amazing. It is so cool to have conversations with these humans who you watched grow. You have these built in friends, and it’s amazing to hear their thoughts and perspectives on things in life! Sometimes I will have a conversation with one of my kids and just think: wow, this human is so cool!

The other huge advantage to having adult children is the freedom and more margin in life that it brings. Now I can hardly imagine the fast-paced life that I lived when my kids were younger. I truly appreciate the slower pace of life this season has brought. It helps me to be more present in everyday moments. Just this morning on my run, I was appreciating the moment: thanking God for my health, the ability for my legs to run, my heart to pump blood, my lungs to send oxygen. I remember those busy days of raising kids – I felt like my mind was always thinking about the next thing I had to do and it was much more difficult to remain present in the moment.

Lastly, I will tell you, at least for me – you will never quit seeing their sweet baby or toddler face when you look at them. I hold those precious memories close to my heart when I look at them. I will leave you with a Bible verse that has been really comforting to me in seasons of change: Ecclesiastes 3:1 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

Well, I hope you enjoyed what I shared today. I hope it was encouraging, or at least for mamas with littles gives you insight into your future hearing from a mom with adult kids!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.

THOUGHTS ON PERSPECTIVE

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post I wanted to talk about perspective. The other day I saw a post from a friend on Instagram and it said something along the lines of: perspective is realizing that your worst day may be someone else’s best day. I did share a Reel over on Instagram talking about this, but I wanted to share in more detail about this topic.

When I saw that Instagram post, I had just returned from a trip to Indiana to visit my family to celebrate my Mom’s birthday. On the way home, there was a technical issue with our plane, ultimately causing the airline to cancel the flight and everyone on the flight had to rebook. Rebooking a flight isn’t fun, but my next flight wasn’t leaving until evening when my first flight was supposed to leave at 12:30 in the afternoon, meaning I had to sit in the tiny Fort Wayne, Indiana airport for more than 8 hours. My rebooked flight got delayed and it looked like I was going to miss my connecting flight in Chicago. Luckily when I landed in Chicago, I realized that flight was delayed as well and by running through the Chicago airport I was able to make the connecting flight! The fun didn’t end there though. We were supposed to land in Austin at midnight, but arrived a bit early only to learn there were three other planes ahead of us waiting to unload! Some of them had been waiting for up to three hours! So, we sat at the Austin airport for another hour and a half and I was finally able to get off the plane around 1:30 in the morning!

My mom with her five daughters celebrating her birthday!

It was a rough day no doubt, but earlier on in the day I noticed a family with two young kids and realized maybe it wasn’t so bad that I had to sit in an airport by myself and entertain myself. I also spoke with a fellow passenger who had been awake for 24 hours and had been dealing with delays and cancellations all day! So, it could be worse for me.

Something I thought of when I read my friend’s post was how lucky I am to be able to fly back to visit family. Not everyone has this privilege. I was still thankful for the time I got to spend with family in spite of my adventure to get home!

Admittedly there are times that it can be difficult to have perspective. Life can be challenging and throw us curve balls, which can be hard to navigate. Everyone experiences things in a different way, so I don’t want to invalidate anyone’s experiences but rather just highlight the complexity of human perception. We all have different experiences in life, as well as cultural and social upbringings which contribute to our perspectives. Today I just want to challenge you to be aware of these differences, perhaps helping you see the silver linings in your own life.

Another thing I was thinking about this week with regard to perspective relates to life stage. I did try my best to be present in each life stage, however I know during those growing years, when we were adding to our family, moving into homes, and raising growing children, it was hard to not look to the next phase in life longingly. There is that temptation to think it is the next phase in life that will bring joy or peace. Now having gone through many of life’s stages, I can assure you that this never happens. It’s when we lean into the moment we are in NOW that we begin to feel the joy and peace we are looking for. 

I love this candid photo! It reminds me of how crazy, yet full our lives were raising three young kids!

Today, as I write this, I went downtown Austin to run on the hike and bike trail before picking up my son’s college apartment key. I used to run on this trail regularly when my husband was a grad student at UT and we lived close to this trail. Every time I run on it I can’t help but think back to the days when I was pushing a jogging stroller on that trail, or pushing the jogging stroller while pregnant on that trail, or pushing a double jogging stroller! I do remember some of those days being difficult and long, but yet I have such fond memories of that time in life. I don’t think I had the perspective I have today to fully enjoy those moments and that kind of makes me sad. I drove past those apartments and it made me smile and reminded me to enjoy the moments I am in NOW. Every stage of life will have easy things and hard things about them. When we accept that, we can like I mentioned earlier lean into all the moments and just BE in them.

My son and I feeding the ducks at the hike and bike trail. I was pregnant with our third child in this photo!

I hope what I’ve shared today in some way encourages or inspires you! I would love for you to leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts on the topic of perspective!

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this post!

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING CONSISTENT

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday post, I wanted to talk about consistency. I really believe that one of the most important virtues for success in life is consistency. This applies to almost any area in life. Whether it’s relationships, health and fitness, hobbies, or positive habits.

First I wanted to talk about how consistency is important in relationships. Relationships don’t grow organically. We must be intentional about spending time with those we love. We must show up consistently to foster those close knit relationships. Also when we consistently follow through on promises, meet deadlines, and maintain our commitments, we gain the confidence of others. People are more likely to trust us when we exhibit dependable behavior, which leads to strong relationships both personally and professionally.

In addition to being important in relationships, consistency is a great pathway to mastery. In any hobby or professional related endeavor, the best way to get better or to master something is consistently practicing it. Have you ever played an instrument? If so, you know the importance of consistently practicing to get better or to master it! 

Consistency also helps us to overcome adversity in life. Life does not always go smoothly or the way we plan, and challenges are inevitable. Consistency equips us with the resilience to deal with the difficulties of life. When we are consistent, setbacks become opportunities for growth and learning. The ability to remain focused on the long-term goal, despite temporary setbacks, helps in overcoming obstacles and achieving success.

Consistency is important for developing healthy habits. Consistency is the best way to have success in any healthy habit – whether it’s eating healthy, exercising, a good skin care routine, or healthy sleeping habits. If we want to see change, we must day in and day out continue to be consistent.

Along those same lines, consistency works far better than perfection when we are trying to make a lasting change. We will all have days or even weeks where we don’t remain consistent with something we have committed to. Maybe it’s a sickness, or a family emergency, or even going on vacation that causes us to not follow through on our commitments. We can’t allow these things to derail our progress or derail the momentum we have. If something in life causes us to fall away from our routine of consistency, we must get back to it as soon as we can! 

Something else I wanted to share is that consistency inspires others towards remaining loyal and dedicated. Our dedication and tenacity towards something can be an encouragement or inspiration to others around us. When they see our unwavering determination it can inspire them to follow suit and pursue their own goals in life. Consistency can set a positive example to our children and others who look up to us, but even to our peers, colleagues, or family members. We can foster a culture of growth mindset for those who are in our lives!

Ultimately if we want long term, sustainable success, we must be willing to be consistent. In this time of distractions and instant gratification, consistency can be the compass that helps keep us pointed in the right direction. It’s the steady progress over time that leads us to long term success. When we are consistent in our pursuits in life, we are more likely to reach our goals and maintain a healthy balance in life. It’s not easy to remain consistent in life, but when we do we will begin to see lasting changes.

Here is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this post!

FOCUS ON YOUR HEART!

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Okay friends, for today’s Thoughtful Thursday I wanted to share a quote that my friend Jo shared with me. Jo also has a YouTube channel, Minimal Zebra! This quote is from Mother Theresa and it says, 

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are honest, people may cheat you, be honest anyway. If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

It can be challenging to deal with people who are unreasonable and self-centered. Oftentimes this behavior is a result of internal struggles the person is going through. When we recognize that people who are unreasonable and self-centered are likely going through or have gone through really difficult things, it can make it easier to have compassion on them and forgive them.

One thing I have learned from having a presence on social media, well and really just in life in general, is that people may misunderstand you. This is something that is really difficult for me as a people pleaser. But I am learning to realize that all that really matters is what is in your heart. People will interpret your actions and words however they want, but they don’t know what is in your heart. All we can do is focus on being the best we can be – a kind, caring, compassionate, and loving person. Also recognizing that we will make mistakes and we won’t always be perfectly kind, caring, compassionate or loving. But all we can do is our best. I’m learning to focus on the internal more than the external, because behavior, if even seemingly good on the outside, doesn’t always reveal true heart motives.

People often misunderstand you when they don’t know you well. Either acquaintances in your real life, or people seeing your content online. They don’t know what your life is really like. They don’t know what you endure day in and day out, especially if you are going through things that you don’t share openly about on social media. You know your heart and your motives, so if those are right you have nothing to worry about!

Ultimately we are only responsible for ourselves. Our behavior, our motives, our thoughts. We can’t control what others do, say, or think. In my opinion, it is better to live in such a way that we do the best we can do each day. “Give the world the best we have” as Mother Theresa says. It might not be “enough” by the world’s standards, but when you know you gave it your all, then you can sleep well at night. When you live with integrity, you have nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. And when you do make a mistake and don’t live in such a way that you are proud of, then you make a different choice tomorrow!

As someone who is a people pleaser, or like I like to call myself a recovering people pleaser,  it can be easy to get wrapped up in trying to convince people you are a good person. I’m realizing this is a complete waste of energy. We must put our energy into BEING a good person and let the chips fall where they may so to speak. As Mother Theresa so wisely pointed out: “it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

It is not always easy to do, but focusing on your own life, your own happiness, and your own goals without worrying about others’ opinion of you is the healthiest way to live!

This is the YouTube video I shared in conjunction with this blog post.